I have tried so hard this year to turn things around on my own and I actually started seeing results and then things are just going back to the way it used to be. I pushed myself to say something to people, even if I stuttered or mumbled or was shaking and feeling really hot and uncomfortable I still tried to get out of my comfort zone and I managed to make a couple friends, thats the first in years. I started going out doing the things I have always wanted to do but never had anyone to do it with like having someone to text, someone to grab a coffee with, someone to talk to, just someone there. It felt like my confidence was growing and I was become a little better at socializing, presenting, talking, pretty much everything.
Then I don't know what happened, the friends I made stopped talking to me and it seems I got even worse. Now when I have to speak, its s quite I shake way more and I am sometimes in physical pain I don't go out anymore, I can go days without saying a word, I feel really alone and depressed right now. It just seems like getting a taste of what life could be like made me see what my life used to be seem so much worse. I feel like what's the point of trying, this will always haunt me and I can never have the life I want :'( but instead I have to watch other people have that life.
I pushed myself so much, I envy how people find it so comfortable to hold a conversation or just say yes or no without trying, and everything for me I have to pretty much have a big massive battle with myself to have one simple conversation. I feel like I can't be myself, or do the things I like. SA is ruining my life and I can't take it anymore! :'( does it get better?
Then I don't know what happened, the friends I made stopped talking to me and it seems I got even worse. Now when I have to speak, its s quite I shake way more and I am sometimes in physical pain I don't go out anymore, I can go days without saying a word, I feel really alone and depressed right now. It just seems like getting a taste of what life could be like made me see what my life used to be seem so much worse. I feel like what's the point of trying, this will always haunt me and I can never have the life I want :'( but instead I have to watch other people have that life.
I pushed myself so much, I envy how people find it so comfortable to hold a conversation or just say yes or no without trying, and everything for me I have to pretty much have a big massive battle with myself to have one simple conversation. I feel like I can't be myself, or do the things I like. SA is ruining my life and I can't take it anymore! :'( does it get better?