Should I just give up?

[Meggy0001]

I have tried so hard this year to turn things around on my own and I actually started seeing results and then things are just going back to the way it used to be. I pushed myself to say something to people, even if I stuttered or mumbled or was shaking and feeling really hot and uncomfortable I still tried to get out of my comfort zone and I managed to make a couple friends, thats the first in years. I started going out doing the things I have always wanted to do but never had anyone to do it with like having someone to text, someone to grab a coffee with, someone to talk to, just someone there. It felt like my confidence was growing and I was become a little better at socializing, presenting, talking, pretty much everything.

Then I don't know what happened, the friends I made stopped talking to me and it seems I got even worse. Now when I have to speak, its s quite I shake way more and I am sometimes in physical pain I don't go out anymore, I can go days without saying a word, I feel really alone and depressed right now. It just seems like getting a taste of what life could be like made me see what my life used to be seem so much worse. I feel like what's the point of trying, this will always haunt me and I can never have the life I want :'( but instead I have to watch other people have that life.

I pushed myself so much, I envy how people find it so comfortable to hold a conversation or just say yes or no without trying, and everything for me I have to pretty much have a big massive battle with myself to have one simple conversation. I feel like I can't be myself, or do the things I like. SA is ruining my life and I can't take it anymore! :'( does it get better?

 

[Amitush123]

The answer to questions such as these is always simple - no.
It is a process, and might take a very long time with little to none results...even so, you must never give and find the strength to continue

 

[laure15]

Ask your friends why they stopped talking to you. Maybe they're busy. But if they don't want to be friends with you anymore, then at least you know that they are not really your friends and move on from there. True friends help each other in both the good and bad times.

Everybody has something that they're good at, and suck at. Some people are naturally good at making conversations with others, but they also have weaknesses. Some people are good at math and science but suck as social interaction. Just don't label yourself as a 'freak'. If you want to improve your social skills, try to find someone who can help you. I wish I had a mentor.

 

[jonas89]

I agree with the above answers..

Giving up is never enough,,, I have walked a similar path and it's really bothering when you get those setbacks when you finally feel good.. but friends come and go and real friends will always stay with you,, but those are really hard to find. But there is a price for those who don't quit.

 

[Hoppy]

I've read about a motto recently: "If I don't stop, nothing can stop me."

At first I thought it is a bit silly, but realized it is quite true.

You are trying to overcome a lifetime of issues, you cannot expect to defeat it in one year. Go out, fight the demons, and when you are tired return to a safe place to relax and get yourself ready for the next session.

And as for friends, someone once wrote in an advice column and said out of every 100 people he met, he connected with only 3, and the columnist replied and said he was doing very well.

Good luck.

 

[1BlackSheep]

And as for friends, someone once wrote in an advice column and said out of every 100 people he met, he connected with only 3, and the columnist replied and said he was doing very well.

I don't feel so bad now because that's probably about all I seem to connect with as well!

 

[Brijess]

Similarly, there were a couple years of my life where I tried opening up. I had a boyfriend, went out to clubs, drank and partied, and even danced on the gogo box. I was completely oblivious to my own stupidity. I saw pictures, realized nobody liked me, and realized my boyfriend at the time didn't really love me like he said he did. Overall, I was stupid and immature. I had regrets for such a long time. During that time, I knew how awkward I was, but it didn't really hit me until I saw pictures and posts making fun of me. I tried really hard to be someone I was not, and it backfired. Thus, I sunk even deeper into a hole, much like how you are feeling.

What I suggest is that you become comfortable being just you. If that means you are antisocial and shaky, then so be it. You are antisocial and shaky, and you should embrace that. Given a lot of time, you will find others who love you for being just that. I'm turning my whole style of dress around (like the Matrix meets The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo). I feel like that if I hate talking to people, I should embrace that dark side and express it through fashion.

Whatever works for you, though. Don't feel shot down because you tried. One of the worst ways to increase your anxiety is by pushing yourself into situations you don't want to be in. That's probably why your symptoms became more intense.

Just be your own friend. Find out who you are, and be that person. That's the first step, and given time, you will eventually find a way to incorporate that into your social relationships as they come your way. It may take years, but it's worth it. You will probably be surprised with the outcome (in a good way).

 

[THeCARS1979]

hey Meggy , first ,are you a m or f ? And why do you think the friends stopped talking to you? Don't give up hope on recovering, just try again. A few times I wanted to give up on finding a girlfriend but i was told not to. There's something around the corner for you.

 

[Opaline]

I feel you there.

I wish I could say it does get better but I just don't know. It CAN, but will it for you? Will it for me? Who knows? Giving up won't accomplish anything though. As long as we're alive we may as well try.

 

[neverwas]

I've been there. maybe your friends haven't really rejected you... maybe you're just misinterpretting signs...
A therapist once told me that the worst way to deal with anxiety is to give in to it... it sucks the life out of you... If you stop trying it's gonna get worst and worst and soon you won't even be able to show your face in public... trust me, I've been there
You don't have to go big, but NEVER stop trying

 

[NightTimeForever]

I have tried so hard this year to turn things around on my own and I actually started seeing results and then things are just going back to the way it used to be. I pushed myself to say something to people, even if I stuttered or mumbled or was shaking and feeling really hot and uncomfortable I still tried to get out of my comfort zone and I managed to make a couple friends, thats the first in years. I started going out doing the things I have always wanted to do but never had anyone to do it with like having someone to text, someone to grab a coffee with, someone to talk to, just someone there. It felt like my confidence was growing and I was become a little better at socializing, presenting, talking, pretty much everything.

Then I don't know what happened, the friends I made stopped talking to me and it seems I got even worse. Now when I have to speak, its s quite I shake way more and I am sometimes in physical pain I don't go out anymore, I can go days without saying a word, I feel really alone and depressed right now. It just seems like getting a taste of what life could be like made me see what my life used to be seem so much worse. I feel like what's the point of trying, this will always haunt me and I can never have the life I want :'( but instead I have to watch other people have that life.

I pushed myself so much, I envy how people find it so comfortable to hold a conversation or just say yes or no without trying, and everything for me I have to pretty much have a big massive battle with myself to have one simple conversation. I feel like I can't be myself, or do the things I like. SA is ruining my life and I can't take it anymore! :'( does it get better?

Why do you think your friends stopped talking to you?

I sympathize with you about having a very difficult time when you are outside your comfort zone, it feels like a constant battle to me too.