Should I Get Angry?

#1
Hi,

So basically I'm not a social person. When I was younger I was very social and active, but after a few horrible experiences later in life when people were extremely mean and hostile towards me, I became antisocial. Not that I'm feeling low or unconfident about it. I'm fine with it. The question is: How should you deal with people who try to discriminate you or make you feel bad?

I recently moved back to a flat I used to stay. And this time, I've found out that the girl who was living here the first time I moved in did not like me (she is still living here). I can tell from her attitude that she doesn't like me. She even talked with the landlord guy so that he can talk to me about something that apparently bothers her about me. Why the heck she didn't talk to me directly about it? Must be an embarrassing issue then

Today the other girl left a used bottle of milk in the fridge with a piece of paper "For blablabla with love blablabla" (she left the bottle of milk for that girl"). I felt quite angry when I saw it. Not that I yearn to take up some cheap used milk. But it's the attitude. I admit that I didn't talk to them a lot, partly because I'm shy and I don't speak well their language. But what the heck? Why didn't the girl just send a whatsapp message to tell that she left the milk for that girl? I'm not trying to be liked but it gets annoying to get the attitude from other people. Should I just show them my true personality instead of trying to be quiet , nice etc.? (I was trying to be as polite as possible or so I thought).

Sorry for rambling.. I just need to let it out
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#2
To be fair, it just seems that she wanted you to know that the milk was for the other person. Why do you think there was malice behind that?
 
#3
Ok here's the thing: It from my personal feelings and I trust my feelings. I may be wrong but first I don't like the fact that the other girl asked the landlord to tell me something instead of trying to tell me. Then they talked more to one another and went out together without even inviting me when I first moved in blabla bla.. Yeah you may say they didn't intend it. But thats how I feel. Anyway thanks, I can make up my mind on my own now
 

Megaten

Well-known member
#7
Hmm if she left that note there just to make you feel excluded then getting upset would probably just amuse them. Maybe you can try a friendly gesture to smooth things over so they'll get off your back.
 
#9
If you act angrily, chances are the anger will be given back to you with interest. Malicious gossip may get around that could paint you in a poor light.


And like Graeme says you might end up embarrassed or sad.
Well actually my pride and self esteem is pretty high so I never regret my anger. If the people wanted to pick on me, then I had the right to be angry.

And yes you are right. Mean people always try to get back at you, talk bad about you, spread rumors, and try to taunt you, that's the part that makes me reluctant to show my anger.
 
#10
Well actually my pride and self esteem is pretty high so I never regret my anger. If the people wanted to pick on me, then I had the right to be angry.

And yes you are right. Mean people always try to get back at you, talk bad about you, spread rumors, and try to taunt you, that's the part that makes me reluctant to show my anger.
While I agree that you've the right to be angry, showing your anger could potentially make things worse, especially if the person has this attitude towards you. I say only to warn that ye might get a bit of reputation if you show yer anger over this issue.

I get where you're coming from, but people like us who ain't all that social to begin with, tend be perceived as antisocial and/or standoff-ish. Thus left-out. Trust I've had my own family talk bad about me, taunt me and far worse...

So, as far as people who try to discriminate you or make you feel bad - don't let them. And get drawn into stooping to their level. Basically be the better person. Sure they might taught you and talk shit about you, but by reacting you're showing them that you actually care, and once they realise they can get to you, easily. Giving them more reason to try and provoke the reaction they want and know they can get from you.

Now, I am not saying your feelings or perspective are invalid here. By all means be angry, just be aware that showing your angry might change how others see you. Even if you're in the right, being upset over this could leave a lasting impression long-term. Trust, I know how easily showing your anger can make some folk avoid you altogether.
 

SpaceTime

Well-known member
#12
Is it possible that the the other two girls are leaving you out of their group (and making it known with the milk note) because you have made it obvious that you wish to be unsociable with them? They might feel rejected / upset and so they might be reacting?

I know where you are coming from in wanting to cut off from everyone when you have been hurt by people. But Ive learned that cutting off from people can have painful consequences as well unfortunately. Life!! :kickingmyself:
 
#13
While I agree that you've the right to be angry, showing your anger could potentially make things worse, especially if the person has this attitude towards you. I say only to warn that ye might get a bit of reputation if you show yer anger over this issue.

I get where you're coming from, but people like us who ain't all that social to begin with, tend be perceived as antisocial and/or standoff-ish. Thus left-out. Trust I've had my own family talk bad about me, taunt me and far worse...

So, as far as people who try to discriminate you or make you feel bad - don't let them. And get drawn into stooping to their level. Basically be the better person. Sure they might taught you and talk shit about you, but by reacting you're showing them that you actually care, and once they realise they can get to you, easily. Giving them more reason to try and provoke the reaction they want and know they can get from you.

Now, I am not saying your feelings or perspective are invalid here. By all means be angry, just be aware that showing your angry might change how others see you. Even if you're in the right, being upset over this could leave a lasting impression long-term. Trust, I know how easily showing your anger can make some folk avoid you altogether.
I will play the mind game with them. I was nice, I was easy going and quiet, but these people took it as a sign of weakness and thought they could just do anything with me. So I will just mark my territory a bit, letting them know what I like and don't like, and that I have no intention of making friends with them anyway (well at least I don't want to make friends with people who want to make me feel bad)

You know, after that girl went on holiday (the one who left the milk), the girl who likes to make me feel isolated(let just call her so) invited a bunch of her friends to the house and had a party till the wee hours of the morning, not to mention her boyfriend get to stay in the house all day. What do you make of it? To me it means: Oh my friend is out of the house so I can have a party with my friends here, and my boyfriend can just make my home his home, and who cares what THAT asian girl think?! I mean I'm her flatmate, if she is going to have a bunch of people over, at least just tell me

Don't say I'm paranoid, I know it because during the entire time when the other girl was here, no such party existed. The most she did was to have her boyfriend over almost EVERY night.

I used to care a lot about what others think about me, but I'm caring less and less. I have more important things to do and mind than to worry about what a bunch of ignorant people think about me.
 
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#14
I will play the mind game with them. I was nice, I was easy going and quiet, but these people took it as a sign of weakness and thought they could just do anything with me. So I will just mark my territory a bit, letting them know what I like and don't like, and that I have no intention of making friends with them anyway (well at least I don't want to make friends with people who want to make me feel bad)
Yeah, people tend to take me being nice, quiet and fairly easy going as weakness as well. Or at least find it oddly humourous that big, tough-lookin' lad like me would be so nice, quiet n' soft-spoken.

Though, you're right in regards to not befriending folk who make ya feel bad. Not that I'd advice that anyway.

The party definitely seems like that girl's way of showing how inconsiderate she is towards you. Though, could've told beforehand, just to let y'know about it - regardless of whether she had an intention of inviting you.

I used to care a lot about what others think about me, but I'm caring less and less. I have more important things to do and mind than to worry about what a bunch of ignorant people think about me.
Kinda wish I was the same, but people tend to judge me regards, especially my family. :sad:

Anyway, best of luck to you, darlin'. :thumbup: Hopefully my responses to you haven't been taken the wrong way? Because I'm just giving my opinion based off what you've said here.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
#17
Well actually my pride and self esteem is pretty high so I never regret my anger. If the people wanted to pick on me, then I had the right to be angry.

And yes you are right. Mean people always try to get back at you, talk bad about you, spread rumors, and try to taunt you, that's the part that makes me reluctant to show my anger.
Getting angry is wasting time on the people who anger you. I try to be more thoughtful about how I express anger, and the impact it will have on the way I feel. For me fear and anger are parts of my anxiety. And those angry and fearful thoughts are making my life miserable.
 
#18
Seems like the two chicas are bullying you. Having a party with her amigos without even asking if it would inconvenience you in anyway was rude...

Whatever you do, don't let your anger shroud your mind, because this could escalate to something worse.

I'd say give them a taste of their own spanish medicine, act cold, and if they're doing something too far-fetched just speak about it to the landlord.
 

zharl

Well-known member
#19
Huh. Milk notes. That's a new one. I think they really have potential to revolutionize the way we communicate, those girls.

Joking aside, I don't know what this is. I'm not going to jump to bullying, since I have no clue what's going on; in fact, I can't tell you whether you should be angry or not. I'm not going to tell you to confront them nor am I going to tell you that you should be patient. I'm not going to tell you any of these things because I know very little about the situation.

The one thing I will say, is make sure that this isn't your only living arrangement before you blow up, negotiate, confront, investigate, or anything else. Since it sounds like you have to live with these two for the time being, it's probably in your best interests to be diplomatic in your actions. That being said, if you have other places to live, you probably can take a few more risks.

In the end, don't listen to me. I'm an idiot who doesn't live with you and your two roommates, and as such cannot really offer any viable advice on how to deal with your present predicament. Good luck!
 
#20
thank guys for giving me advice and opinions. I am acting cold and will make my territory clear. Perhaps these people just assume that my so-nice and so-quiet behavior is permanent. Well, I will let them know that it changes depending on what kind of person I'm dealing with.

Kinda wish I was the same, but people tend to judge me regards, especially my family.

Anyway, best of luck to you, darlin'. Hopefully my responses to you haven't been taken the wrong way? Because I'm just giving my opinion based off what you've said here.
I know it's very hard when even your own family is not supportive and not understanding at all. But don't you want to prove them wrong? Treat it like a hobby. People laugh and say you are this, you are that, and that you can never do something, well, go ahead and achieve that exact same thing, then you will know who has the last laugh. Don't be put down by criticism.
 
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