Scared...

[Gerdje]

Yeah, I don't think anyone would doubt about your intensions, after all feeling good around someone is the best one could experience. Perhaps I'm wrong, but it feels like this girl is on cheap grounds if she speaks about boy toy at age 12.
It wouldn't be the first time people end up in jail this way (and they don't have a happy time there if others know about it), so please try using both your brains and heart, and understand that, no matter how mature she sounds into flattering and talking, she's still a child and crossing certain lines could destroy both of your lives. Everyone is craving for some affection, especially people with SA problems, but that doesn't mean doing wrong things should be permitted. Don't take this as a hostile response please, just stay on the right track

 

[WantToHide]

This thread raises an interesting point. SA can make us so affection deprived and so craving love that we are prepared to settle for destructive friendships, bad partners and other negative relationships. I don't think peur is a bad person because I know from my own bitter experience that I have settled for almost any kind of friendship/relationship rather than be alone. That's not to say I condone his friendship with the child, more that I can understand what it is that has driven him to this point.

 

[Peur]

Everyone feels quite strongly about this.... Reading, and re-reading the comments here, makes me realise more and more how very peculiar... and plain wrong.. the situation is. I will have to stop.. This is not ethical, nor healthy. I'm glad I could be turned around.. Thankful to this site, to all of you. I'll tell her upon our next meeting that things can't stay the way they are, the way she treats me.

 

[miss_amy]

A 19 year old fooling around with a 12 year old is completely inappropriate. Letting her suck your arm and take silly pictures is foolish and is a fast way to get yourself in a LOT of trouble. You need to stay away, right away. Not have a next meeting. 'The way she treat you' is the way of a 12 year old child that needs to be put straight by adults. You are an adult...
Age gap isn't an issue here. She is a child.

I'm having a trouble containing myself here. You are lucky no one has called the police, I would have if I was witness to this.

 

[Peur]

Well neither you, or anyone else, need worry, because the whole thing is ended.

 

[miss_amy]

Best thing. It should have never started.

 

[Waybuloo]

I think she sounds like one of those tarty young girls who is putting herself about. She seemed to have tried to playfully provoke you sexually, and you have played into her hands. There is nothing romantic or mature coming off her intentions, rather she is playing with fire. I don't know of your experience and emotional maturity but from what you've said you don't sound that experienced. I can see the possibility of you exploring your feelings innocently, as opposed to people here telling you off. Just because you are older it doesn't mean you have to be the predator.

Be careful though, some girls like doing that for a sense of power and for all you know she could entrap for paedophilia. Also people normally jump into (unfair) conclusions especially when a young girl and an older guy are involved.

Reading your response to other people having a go at you, it's clear to me that you didn't have predatory intentions. You just didn't seem to know what you were doing and the right from wrong. Like I said, people expect more from you when you are 19 whether you had a string of flings or a virgin who doesn't know anything about the sexual or romantic world.

 

[Waybuloo]

Legal problems aside. Parents aside. This girl must not think that you are her boyfriend. Period. Like I said in my first post, you have to be clear with her right away. She can NOT think that something is happening or is going to happen. I am speaking for her. Not her parents or the law. Do not mess around with her!!!!!! If you are going to be friends, don't let there be any misconceptions. I still think you should abandon this entirely, just because it seems pretty likely she will get hurt no matter what you do. But at least if you are clear and honest, it won't be quite as bad.

Whereas the OP's feelings are not important even though he wasn't the one to want or initiate this in the first place? Just saying maybe you shouldn't be so prejudiced and vindictive. This girl does not think bf, she thinks toy boy, and one of many that she has amassed.

 

[Kiwong]

When someone who is a child starts saying and doing things inappropriately then it is time to play the role of adult and say so. At 19, you are young, but being an adult is your responsbility.

 

[panicsurvivor]

Whereas the OP's feelings are not important even though he wasn't the one to want or initiate this in the first place? Just saying maybe you shouldn't be so prejudiced and vindictive. This girl does not think bf, she thinks toy boy, and one of many that she has amassed.

???????? Vindictive????????
Do you even know what that word means?
Nothing about either of my posts was vindictive. I just know that a girl who is twelve is not emotionaly or sexually mature. When they latch on to older guys it is NEVER a good thing. If she is a "tart" as you say, at TWELVE, than she has some emotional problems ALREADY, and does not need to be messing around with a nineteen year old man, no matter what his intentions.
Vindictive? Not once did I say anything nasty or mean spirited to the O.P. I am concerned for the girl who is twelve. How do you know what this girl thinks? So many twelve year old girls try to be something they are not. She might be acting like she is tough and "tarty", but she might really be developing feelings for him. Or you might be right, she could really be trying to make her his boy toy. THAT IS EVEN WORSE. If that is the case, than the O.P. has absolutely no business at all, even being around her. Feelings, and friendships and love can have blurry lines. Sex, does not.
Prejudice?
I am not even going to touch that one.
I don't have a clue where you get off calling me prejudice and vindictive.
My posts were very reasonable. I didn't say anything cutting or angry. In fact I think there were some other posts on here that were more severe than mine, and I don't think that any of them were "prejudice or vindictive" either.

 

[da_illest101]

To be honnest with you the only reason why I think you should drop her is, because she think of you as her boytoy. This is not gonna go anywhere that you would want to go. As far as the fact that she is 12 goes, to me it's irrelevant. I personally used to know a girl that was 9 going out with a 40 year. I met her when she was 19, haven't seen her in 2 years so i don't know if they are still together. Age is just a number. When I was a kid I always had a crush on older women so to get rejected countless of time because of my age ( online dating at 14) my opinion is different. Also screw the law, that same law that allows people to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, take drugs... my bad legal drugs. Any ways this is not a thread about the law so i'll stop

 

[panicsurvivor]

To be honnest with you the only reason why I think you should drop her is, because she think of you as her boytoy. This is not gonna go anywhere that you would want to go. As far as the fact that she is 12 goes, to me it's irrelevant. I personally used to know a girl that was 9 going out with a 40 year. I met her when she was 19, haven't seen her in 2 years so i don't know if they are still together. Age is just a number. When I was a kid I always had a crush on older women so to get rejected countless of time because of my age ( online dating at 14) my opinion is different. Also screw the law, that same law that allows people to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, take drugs... my bad legal drugs. Any ways this is not a thread about the law so i'll stop

You meant 19 right? Not 9? I hope.

 

[theslowesthand]

Once, at a previous workplace, this older woman half-jokingly asked if i wanted to be her "toy-boy". So perhaps this young girl regards herself as "the older, experienced woman"?? (& perhaps regards OP as "an inexperienced boy"?). As far as i know, the term "toy-boy" relates primarily to having a sexual relationship, but she might just be (probably is) using it in an innocent, playful, pretend sort of way (ie mimicking older people)

I think the girl, as they do at that age, is "experimenting" with all things involved with guys/flirtation/seducing/etc - they are trying their best to mimic older women, trying things out, learning. And some maybe want to be a "woman" right now, hence the going overboard on makeup, provocative clothes & behaviour, and such. Experimentation is best kept to to the laboratory (ie in a controlled environment, which the real world seldom is)

 

[da_illest101]

You meant 19 right? Not 9? I hope.

No typo there my friend, i met her when she 19 but she was with the guy since she was 9. Yes 9 not 19. I went to her house once and i saw the pictures. I don't know if my friend from real life that has SA is still a member of this site, cause he could back up my claim. Unusual story to say the least

 

[Pookah]

Well its not like she was 3 or something.

No, it was 6 whole years later. -_-


Can only hope the guy went to jail. ^_^

 

[pebblesdundee]

To be honnest with you the only reason why I think you should drop her is, because she think of you as her boytoy. This is not gonna go anywhere that you would want to go. As far as the fact that she is 12 goes, to me it's irrelevant. I personally used to know a girl that was 9 going out with a 40 year. I met her when she was 19, haven't seen her in 2 years so i don't know if they are still together. Age is just a number. When I was a kid I always had a crush on older women so to get rejected countless of time because of my age ( online dating at 14) my opinion is different. Also screw the law, that same law that allows people to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, take drugs... my bad legal drugs. Any ways this is not a thread about the law so i'll stop

^ This. I know how hard it is to be treated differently because of your age, but I would also say this. Between the ages of 10 and 16, we mature radically, an awful lot more than someone growing between 20 and 30. I am going to be a hypocrite, and say 12 is way too young, even though I think 14.... well, i won't go into that. I think it's wrong, and you'll get a lot of crap for hanging out with her if her intentions are more than friendship, but who am I to judge, I still think writing rude words in scrabble is worthy of a laugh, so not exactly mature

 

[Lccska]

I don't mind being called vindictive! A child of 9, 12, anything under 16 is a CHILD. Now if the person is the same age as the said child, that is just socialization. There are reasons for laws. There are reasons for social Norms. You know, being nice and supportive of each other has it's limits. Those of you who believe this is appropriate are promoting PEDOPHILIA. The emotional trauma to that child will be irreparable. I'm sure there is a PEDOPHILIA survivors website. Look it up. I'm so angry!!!!!!!! Grow the **** up and call it what it is. ILLEGAL, MORALLY REPUGNANT, PATHETIC.

 

[miss_amy]

As you grow and mature yourself in to your 20's, 30's and beyond you know that a child of 10 or 12 or any age is not mature enough to have a relationship with an adult.

Pebbles, you are very young yourself and at your age I thought I was mature and was world wise too. I don't think your behaviour towards me when I first spoke to you was very mature as you were trying to ask me for a date despite me telling you I was old enough to be your mother. I took it as you were a young 15 year old and I did what adults should do and didn't let it go there. To be honest it horrified me how vunerable you could have been had I been someone not so good. It's very very scary the position people are potentially in here. I 'm not saying you are immature for your age but not mature as an adult or ready for adult relationships.

A child having a crush on an adult is normal but it is the job of the adults around that child to keep it as just that, a crush and not take advantage and act or respond in an inappropriate way. A child should be guided and taught about what is appropriate behaviour and just because no one seems to be pulling them back and they are acting in a provocative way...it doesn't mean they are ready in any way for an adult relationship.

 

[Remus]

No typo there my friend, i met her when she 19 but she was with the guy since she was 9. Yes 9 not 19. I went to her house once and i saw the pictures. I don't know if my friend from real life that has SA is still a member of this site, cause he could back up my claim. Unusual story to say the least

A 9 year old girl with a 40 year old guy? seriously, PM me his name and address

 

[Peur]

I have to say, I respect and support everyone's feelings here on the subject, except for that Lccska. I don't think she has realised that I have changed my feelings on the situation, nor does she retain the most miniscule feelings of empathy for a person in such a situation. So, go ahead and send "dad" after someone like me for simply socialising - you seem to believe in some non-existent law prohibiting a 19 year old talking to a 12 year old, but don't recognise the real law against physical violence - I hope they'd sue him right out onto the street.