SA and promiscuity..?

[becc]

There has been a lot of mention of still being a virgin, too scared to approach the opposite gender, but want sex so bad etc...

What about the opposite end of the spectrum? Does anybody have sex in order to ease their nerves with the other person so that they can then talk to them?

I am just wondering if I am alone there. It is back to front, usually you at least want to know a person before you have sex with them, but for me it was impossible to say more than "Hi", although I really really liked guys and wanted nothing more than to have a normal conversation I just couldn't, as soon as an open question was asked I would start getting all flustered and blush and have to run away.

So I started drinking alone when I was 17, and then I crashed a school party and pretty soon a guy grabbed me and started making out with me and then we went off and had sex. Which was perfect I thought because there was no need for the awkward and feared conversation. And I was soooo happy about it

It has been suggested I am a sex addict which could stem from other issues in my childhood, but I am just wondering if anybody else attributes promiscuous behavior to SA? Using sex to become comfortable with people... Because if it has been a while then I cannot concentrate on anything else but think about sex explicitly all the time and conversation is way too difficult when you are thinking thoughts typical to SA as well as thinking explicitly while trying to talk to some guy you like. But I relax enough to be able to have a normal conversation after sex. It is kindof unfortunate because any girl worries a bit about her reputation, with SA I just went overboard paranoid about my reputation of being "the mute slut." Although it has been much better in recent years because I have a boyfriend and discovered a thing they call "love" and more meaningful & better sex, I find when I dont have sex for a while then I get too shy to talk to guys all over again (relapse?). And when I am having frequent sex, then I can talk to any guy no probs.

I almost had a nervous breakdown when I moved to Australia and realized that promiscuity is really really despised here. I thought, "how on earth am I supposed to talk to and relate to men then if I cant sleep with them?"

I know they say many SA sufferers often rely on and abuse alcohol in order to talk to people.. what about sex? Am I nuts?

PS: Sorry if my post offends anybodies high morals...

 

[Scrabbl]

It doesn't offend me; I find it very interesting lol and very weird... to me that's as crazy as the stuff at the floor of bat caves. but then I'm a guy who never had sex.

 

[this_portrait]

I find promiscuity as a result of SA to be a little strange, but then this is coming from someone who doesn't has difficulty even hugging friends. I'm so reserved that I just can't trust anyone with my body.

 

[PunkRotten]

Its just desperation. Most people sleep around in attempt to feel "loved". To me, sex is a special event, sex for the wrong reasons can be bad and cause more harm than good. Sex is a special bonding/togetherness.


It jsut depends how people use sex, is it for a temporary pleasure or for something more lasting? What matters more to you?

I could masturbate literally if I needed quick pleasure. Im more into something more lasting, and truthfully I dont need to have sex to gain this either.

 

[PunkRotten]

There has been a lot of mention of still being a virgin, too scared to approach the opposite gender, but want sex so bad etc...

What about the opposite end of the spectrum? Does anybody have sex in order to ease their nerves with the other person so that they can then talk to them?

I am just wondering if I am alone there. It is back to front, usually you at least want to know a person before you have sex with them, but for me it was impossible to say more than "Hi", although I really really liked guys and wanted nothing more than to have a normal conversation I just couldn't, as soon as an open question was asked I would start getting all flustered and blush and have to run away.

So I started drinking alone when I was 17, and then I crashed a school party and pretty soon a guy grabbed me and started making out with me and then we went off and had sex. Which was perfect I thought because there was no need for the awkward and feared conversation. And I was soooo happy about it

It has been suggested I am a sex addict which could stem from other issues in my childhood, but I am just wondering if anybody else attributes promiscuous behavior to SA? Using sex to become comfortable with people... Because if it has been a while then I cannot concentrate on anything else but think about sex explicitly all the time and conversation is way too difficult when you are thinking thoughts typical to SA as well as thinking explicitly while trying to talk to some guy you like. But I relax enough to be able to have a normal conversation after sex. It is kindof unfortunate because any girl worries a bit about her reputation, with SA I just went overboard paranoid about my reputation of being "the mute slut." Although it has been much better in recent years because I have a boyfriend and discovered a thing they call "love" and more meaningful & better sex, I find when I dont have sex for a while then I get too shy to talk to guys all over again (relapse?). And when I am having frequent sex, then I can talk to any guy no probs.

I almost had a nervous breakdown when I moved to Australia and realized that promiscuity is really really despised here. I thought, "how on earth am I supposed to talk to and relate to men then if I cant sleep with them?"

I know they say many SA sufferers often rely on and abuse alcohol in order to talk to people.. what about sex? Am I nuts?

PS: Sorry if my post offends anybodies high morals...

Seems to me you are using it for the wrong reasons - to feel loved/accepted.

In my opinion this is not healthy and will backfire on you if you dotn change. Good Luck

 

[this_portrait]

Its just desperation. Most people sleep around in attempt to feel "loved". To me, sex is a special event, sex for the wrong reasons can be bad and cause more harm than good. Sex is a special bonding/togetherness.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[TooShyShy]

Well, i also think its a bit of a control issue...once you've had sex you are comfortable bcuz you have power now, the upper hand AND it could also be that right off the bat YOU GOT ACCEPTANCE from the guy and thats what you needed to feel good - this is just a guess - i am a female and very shy so its interesting to see it another way.

 

[recluse]

It does seem very strange for a sa person to engage in promiscuous behaviour. I guess that most people who do engage in promiscuous behaviour have very low self esteem and they try to make themselves feel loved, but having sex with random people will only make you feel bad about yourself.

 

[Remus]

I have little interest in sex, only occasionally do I get any kind of stirrings

 

[Remus]

It does seem very strange for a sa person to engage in promiscuous behaviour. I guess that most people who do engage in promiscuous behaviour have very low self esteem and they try to make themselves feel loved

Is it borderline personality disorder?

I remember reading something somewhere

 

[benk1983]

I myself have relied on alcohol and sex in the past (sex usually with alcohol involved). I find also that after having sex I feel a lot better about myself, like I am more normal (as stupid as that may sound). I would rather not know the person as knowing someone just makes it that bit more awkward for the future. Also if I don't have sex for a while I revert back to being really shy which makes it a lot harder to talk to girls. I think a lot of it comes from being unattractive in my case and having sex is the closest I get to a relationship feeling, even though sex isnt the only thing to a relationship it still does have its place. I really hope I can change further into the future as I don't want to die a lonely old man.

 

[no1]

There has been a lot of mention of still being a virgin, too scared to approach the opposite gender, but want sex so bad etc...

What about the opposite end of the spectrum? Does anybody have sex in order to ease their nerves with the other person so that they can then talk to them?

I am just wondering if I am alone there. It is back to front, usually you at least want to know a person before you have sex with them, but for me it was impossible to say more than "Hi", although I really really liked guys and wanted nothing more than to have a normal conversation I just couldn't, as soon as an open question was asked I would start getting all flustered and blush and have to run away.

So I started drinking alone when I was 17, and then I crashed a school party and pretty soon a guy grabbed me and started making out with me and then we went off and had sex. Which was perfect I thought because there was no need for the awkward and feared conversation. And I was soooo happy about it

It has been suggested I am a sex addict which could stem from other issues in my childhood, but I am just wondering if anybody else attributes promiscuous behavior to SA? Using sex to become comfortable with people... Because if it has been a while then I cannot concentrate on anything else but think about sex explicitly all the time and conversation is way too difficult when you are thinking thoughts typical to SA as well as thinking explicitly while trying to talk to some guy you like. But I relax enough to be able to have a normal conversation after sex. It is kindof unfortunate because any girl worries a bit about her reputation, with SA I just went overboard paranoid about my reputation of being "the mute slut." Although it has been much better in recent years because I have a boyfriend and discovered a thing they call "love" and more meaningful & better sex, I find when I dont have sex for a while then I get too shy to talk to guys all over again (relapse?). And when I am having frequent sex, then I can talk to any guy no probs.

I almost had a nervous breakdown when I moved to Australia and realized that promiscuity is really really despised here. I thought, "how on earth am I supposed to talk to and relate to men then if I cant sleep with them?"

I know they say many SA sufferers often rely on and abuse alcohol in order to talk to people.. what about sex? Am I nuts?

PS: Sorry if my post offends anybodies high morals...

I don't know how you can just let a guy "grab you" and make out with you without any consent, no mention of any connection before whatsoever. Kind of sounds like rape to me.

This kind of thing makes me feel very sad.. as women are always talking about (and I expect it also) how you need a connection, etc. before taking the next step. But then, a guy acts FRESH/SLICK with you, and he happens to look good and you like it.

I mean what were you two doing before? Were you "dancing/grinding"? HOW CAN A GUY JUST GRAB YOU AND MAKE OUT WITH YOU WITHOUT CONSENT WHATSOEVER? What if you kicked him in the balls?

Should I just go out there and grab any woman I feel like and start making out with them?

As regards the sex thing though... yeah it's natural for someone who's had sex to feel better about themselves and more social.

 

[no1]

it seriously drives me nuts.

It seems like there are 2 kinds of people: people that think you actually have to have a connection before having sex...

and the others that think all you need to do is to just "whip it out". Or basically make out, whip it out, shove it down his/her throat without even asking first. regardless of whether it seems like a sex crime.

And they are both in direct conflict with each other as to cause problems and major confusion.

What the **** is up with what?

 

[no1]

girls get mad at you for wanting to start a normal conversation, but then think you are not a man if you don't shove your tongue down her throat without consent first. this is so contradictory

 

[recluse]

I'm confused too

 

[klytus]

Ahah. While I was still reading the first page I was wondering how long it would take for No1 to notice this thread and unleash his opinions. He is right, though.

Seriously, becc, it is precisely this type of behaviour that many women appear to display which confuses me. Why would you do it? What makes you accept the men you become intimate with? Is it all about control? Do you want to feel loved/accepted? It kind of sounds like it. Is it mentally healthy? Does it make you content with your life and your overall social situation? All you need is men who basically abuse you?

It is abuse. They don't sleep with you because they accept or love you, or want to have anything to do with you beyond fornication, they do it because your inferior social position - as someone who cannot easily interact with people in an open manner and is willing to do anything to get comfortable - makes it possible. They literally abuse, perhaps even unknowingly, your fears to get into your pants.

What do the men have to have for you to want to sleep with them? While many women, if not most of our age (around 20), behave similarly, they don't bring it to such an extreme as you do. Or perhaps they do - I have never been to a college party, or any party for that matter.

girls get mad at you for wanting to start a normal conversation, but then think you are not a man if you don't shove your tongue down her throat without consent first

This is exaggerated and certainly generalized, but true in its essence. All women my age I have had the pleasure to meet in real-life appeared to be like that. There must be others, though. At least I hope so. (Why do I hope it? Eh. The longer I remain alone the less I want to have anything to do with women, or people in general. Rah.)

 

[Noca]

I've had enough sex for a lifetime, im gonna focus my energy on my schooling from now on

 

[no1]

I've had enough sex for a lifetime, im gonna focus my energy on my schooling from now on

schooling like what? studying? academics?

I've had so little sex and social life I spend my time preoccupied on that instead of studying even though I want to study and all but clock is ticking and the older I get the less chances I have. One can say that at my age I should already have had all these experiences and shouldn't be so worried about them, but I AM. Because social belonging presides academics. We live in society. We depend on society. We ARE society. So if one's social life is lacking, one's life is lacking.

 

[satstrn]

well said my man....yeah to respond to the sex thing it seems to be an addiction, like drugs or alcohol...though it works in a different way. having sex certainly makes you feel attractive and therefore accepted, but if youre having sex in the way you described often it sounds like you have a problem...of course you can do what you want...be careful though, sex can f*** up your life with a disease or pregnancy....if you keep having sex in the manner above described, something bad is bound to happen, this is destructive and addictive behavior to me....but it sounds like youre doing better because you are now only having sex with your bf who you care about....again, just be careful...btw, sex is SO MUCH BETTER with someone thats important to you, huh!!

 

[Kinetik]

People very commonly use sex as a confidence booster, there's nothing strange about it. It's typically a little easier for women to get laid because let's face it, they are the fairer sex, so all it takes is a momentary lowering of willpower/self-esteem, or some other moment of lust or weakness. Women often get hit on just doing their daily obligations. Men on the other hand usually have to work for it, and that's where life's paradox sets in - males view the conquest itself (ie. sex) to be the important thing, and females usually favor the relationship/bonding aspect. We as humans value life's challenges, and so we prize that which is more difficult to us personally - that's why men often think with their junk, women with their hearts. I know I'm painting with a broad brush here, this won't apply to everyone, but the basic premise is fairly universal.

I notice the same thing in my day to day life - I can't just go out and get laid for the life of me, but I can very easily build up a relationship with a girl, get her attached to me, after which she'll happily sleep with me. But again, because I'm hardwired for the hunt, I frequently wish I could hit a club and pick up a hot lady. Granted, I do feel good when I'm in a relationship and the girl is really giving and unbending towards me, it absolutely does feel like an achievement. Yet it does nettle me that I'll never be that outgoing, happy-go-lucky guy who can go out on the town and score that same night.