SA and promiscuity..?

[DASwife]

I can understand what you're saying...I don't sleep around (especially in the last couple years since ive been married lmao), but I've always been very very sexual. l lost my virginity to my husband, who couldn't believe it when we had sex and I had my "maiden's badge", because as he put it I seemed so "experienced and in control sexually".

I suppose I use my sexuality as an upper hand to try and control situations where I would normally feel out of control and panicky. It works though, and no one is complaining. My husband actually finds it pretty funny that I'm able to do it...as long as it doesn't go past talking!

So anyway, I feel what you are saying. And also, if it makes you happy then go for it. If it makes you feel used, or depressed, then try to work on it, so you don't do it anymore. But if the only reason you're depressed about it is because you are afraid people will judge you, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. People will find ways to judge you no matter what you do.

 

[no1]

People very commonly use sex as a confidence booster, there's nothing strange about it. It's typically a little easier for women to get laid because let's face it, they are the fairer sex, so all it takes is a momentary lowering of willpower/self-esteem, or some other moment of lust or weakness. Women often get hit on just doing their daily obligations. Men on the other hand usually have to work for it, and that's where life's paradox sets in - males view the conquest itself (ie. sex) to be the important thing, and females usually favor the relationship/bonding aspect. We as humans value life's challenges, and so we prize that which is more difficult to us personally - that's why men often think with their junk, women with their hearts. I know I'm painting with a broad brush here, this won't apply to everyone, but the basic premise is fairly universal.

I notice the same thing in my day to day life - I can't just go out and get laid for the life of me, but I can very easily build up a relationship with a girl, get her attached to me, after which she'll happily sleep with me. But again, because I'm hardwired for the hunt, I frequently wish I could hit a club and pick up a hot lady. Granted, I do feel good when I'm in a relationship and the girl is really giving and unbending towards me, it absolutely does feel like an achievement. Yet it does nettle me that I'll never be that outgoing, happy-go-lucky guy who can go out on the town and score that same night.

yea man Im the same way. I can't "just go out and look for sex and pick up chicks". Hell I can't just go out and pick up chicks period. To have any kind of sexually motivated intent is.. predatory.

I don't know how society can go on, and this being common, while prostitution is illegal, sex is considered taboo (and it still is for me). There are STDs and stuff but it seems like people don't care...

When sexually motivated interaction is looked down upon if you "dont have a right" or are not "hot!!!" not in the "in" crowd, not "cool" enough. etc. etc. etc.

enough said.

 

[Forgetmenot_ak]

I was that way in high school. It was definitely associated with SA, and afterwards I wouldn't be completely shy around the guy. Guys really liked me when they started talking to me, and then I'd just screw it up by sleeping with them cause it was an "ice breaker" and that's why I continued to go about with the promiscuity. I eventually realized, though, that I was having too much sex and while I love sex, I did not want to be dubbed a "slut". I stopped with the sex, sex, sex, and I feel better about myself... though I still have rumors floating about and guys who like to brag about boning me.

I don't think it means you're desperate for acceptance. I think it's more that nobody really understands in this thread because they can't even imagine that sex could be used as a way to break the ice. I didn't sleep with guys for love, for acceptance, blah-blah, but so that I could feel more normal and comfortable. Sex feels great, and sex makes you comfortable.. that's all it is. I completely understand what you meant when you wrote this. All of the people who disagree on this site, well, I disagree with them very much. Just know you aren't the only one. I was once there too. But eventually you do have to consider what others are thinking.

It's hard, but you'll hafta learn to just accept being shy if you want a decent reputation... and just pleasure yourself haha.

Don't be embarassed, I've actually heard it's a common thing.

 

[Forgetmenot_ak]

I can understand what you're saying...I don't sleep around (especially in the last couple years since ive been married lmao), but I've always been very very sexual. l lost my virginity to my husband, who couldn't believe it when we had sex and I had my "maiden's badge", because as he put it I seemed so "experienced and in control sexually".

I suppose I use my sexuality as an upper hand to try and control situations where I would normally feel out of control and panicky. It works though, and no one is complaining. My husband actually finds it pretty funny that I'm able to do it...as long as it doesn't go past talking!

So anyway, I feel what you are saying. And also, if it makes you happy then go for it. If it makes you feel used, or depressed, then try to work on it, so you don't do it anymore. But if the only reason you're depressed about it is because you are afraid people will judge you, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. People will find ways to judge you no matter what you do.

I agree. people are always so shocked when they find out that I'm so "in control" sexually lol.

 

[no1]

I was that way in high school. It was definitely associated with SA, and afterwards I wouldn't be completely shy around the guy. Guys really liked me when they started talking to me, and then I'd just screw it up by sleeping with them cause it was an "ice breaker" and that's why I continued to go about with the promiscuity. I eventually realized, though, that I was having too much sex and while I love sex, I did not want to be dubbed a "slut". I stopped with the sex, sex, sex, and I feel better about myself... though I still have rumors floating about and guys who like to brag about boning me.

I don't think it means you're desperate for acceptance. I think it's more that nobody really understands in this thread because they can't even imagine that sex could be used as a way to break the ice. I didn't sleep with guys for love, for acceptance, blah-blah, but so that I could feel more normal and comfortable. Sex feels great, and sex makes you comfortable.. that's all it is. I completely understand what you meant when you wrote this. All of the people who disagree on this site, well, I disagree with them very much. Just know you aren't the only one. I was once there too. But eventually you do have to consider what others are thinking.

It's hard, but you'll hafta learn to just accept being shy if you want a decent reputation... and just pleasure yourself haha.

Don't be embarassed, I've actually heard it's a common thing.

yea sex makes you feel great and comfortable.. but for women it's alright to do this but guys can't because it's so wrong.

Besides it should be done among people who have a CONNECTION with each other, not just random people you've met the same night and haven't even had so much interaction as to know each other or even if you have STDs or whatnot.

Besides like I said it's predatory and I'm afraid of being seen that way. What will a woman think of me being predatory?

The women who think it's ok to be predatory think it's ok for men to be this way also. yet sexual predator are taken to jail. This is a 'milder' form of sexual predatorialness (if that's a word). But I thought being a predator was wrong in the fisrt place?

Oh I guess, not for the "in" crowd.

 

[no1]

my big problem is that women EXPECT you to be this way. If you AREN'T this way, you are considered a loser, or asexual, will never consider you, because they only associate sexuality with promiscuity.

 

[this_portrait]

I don't even think of sex when I can't even seem to get a date as it is. =/

 

[desoconnor]

I have a female friend who admitted to me that she has slept around a lot when she was younger, in her mind she associated sex with being liked and loved. At the time she had a lot of issues around self-esteem, she had been bullied all through school and really struggled...

Its not unusual to use sex in this way, for either sex.

 

[Danfalc]

my big problem is that women EXPECT you to be this way. If you AREN'T this way, you are considered a loser, or asexual, will never consider you, because they only associate sexuality with promiscuity.

I don't want to sound harsh No1,but your reading to much into this whole thing again,you cant paint things as clear cut and black and white as you are...you cant group females or males into one or the other group...I seriously think your placing the biggest expectations on yourself rather than "women" having these expectations.

 

[no1]

I don't think I'm reading too much into it. It just bothers the hell out of me. Not just mentally but also physically because it affects my chances of getting any woman because I am not like others being comfortable with my sexuality being out in the open like that.

 

[DASwife]

When did enjoying sex start meaning that you're a "sexual predator"? In that case I guess I should start introducing myself to the neighbors lol!

 

[dtrotter]

Using sex to become comfortable with people

I find that it may be your way of having yourself validated by having sex with them? Oh well, this is something quite new.

 

[no1]

When did enjoying sex start meaning that you're a "sexual predator"? In that case I guess I should start introducing myself to the neighbors lol!

grabbing a woman and kissing her without consent or even knowing if she wants it or not, is messed up whether you like it or not.

 

[no1]

this is perhaps due to oxytocin shortage/excessiveness or imbalances or the ups and downs of oxytocin and vasopressin in the bloodstream ie "chemicals of 'love'"