Rough Patch

mismeek

Well-known member
I've been doing awesome these past few years. Yeah I have a couple of panic attacks here or there, but I understand that they will probably never really go away and I'm okay with that. I'm in my last few months of graduate school and I'm currently living in Alaska for my educational clinical. I give speech therapy services to elementary students in a couple of school. I'm not super fond of children, but they effing love me, so I guess it works out lol.

Anyway.. I'm getting pretty stressed out: My grandpa- who I live with back home- had a stroke and can no longer care for himself, My adviser for my Thesis has quit and moved back home to AUS and is no responding to my emails. I'm taking two online classes on top of giving direct services to 50+ students during the week so I'm constantly planning for sessions or doing homework. I also have a boyfriend who is stationed in Japan demands my time also

I received an email today saying that my medical clinical wants to push my start date back so that i will be working there from 4/2-5/28 instead of 3/17-5/11. I'm suppose to GRADUATE 5/17. Im suppose to leave for Japan to visit 5/24.

I guess its just a few weeks difference but with my anxiety I feel like my world is imploding. I don't really like change and with all this other stress I can feel my agoraphobic self coming back. I'm starting to avoid leaving the house and when I do. I'm nauseous and twitchy and most recently I've begun to cry. I'm worried the kids will notice ( you know how they can smell fear) and eat me alive. I'm also worried of having a full blown panic attack, those things are slippery slopes if you have one somewhere then you have them EVERYWHERE. I can't afford to mess up this clinical, but being so far from home I feel that its inevitable.

I don't know why I'm sharing this, I know you guys can't help me.

but if any of you can manage to get out here and gently smother me in my sleep, I would greatly appreciate it.

meek
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Hang in there Meek! Take things one day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to, and remember to breathe. Forget about the big picture and just focus on each task as you need to do it. You are accomplishing amazing things!
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Hey MisMeek!

Breathe, indeed! I think you're doing GREAT!!

Can you postpone the trip to Japan, or get the medical to a different date?

Sorry to hear about your Grandpa and your thesis advisor.
Do you live with your Grandpa or supposed to care for him? There are caretakers forums where you can lament or vent - or just see how others have been going through the same - or worse.... (I don't know if it would help you, it helped me when my Grandma was ill....)
Can you get a new advisor for thesis? Ask at the school? (Or ask if you can postpone with your thesis because of your advisor going off?)

Ask yourself what's the worst that can happen - that's helped me many times too - write it down and see if you can find ways to deal with it or prevent it? (eg - missed trip to Japan, thesis finished a month or a few months later - what can you do? Have you already booked and paid for flights - can you reschedule, how much would it cost? Or is it a question of when your man can get free leave? Can he get free leave at a later time too?) Just things to consider....

Take care and hang in there!
 
I've been doing awesome these past few years. Yeah I have a couple of panic attacks here or there, but I understand that they will probably never really go away and I'm okay with that. I'm in my last few months of graduate school and I'm currently living in Alaska for my educational clinical. I give speech therapy services to elementary students in a couple of school. I'm not super fond of children, but they effing love me, so I guess it works out lol.

Anyway.. I'm getting pretty stressed out: My grandpa- who I live with back home- had a stroke and can no longer care for himself, My adviser for my Thesis has quit and moved back home to AUS and is no responding to my emails. I'm taking two online classes on top of giving direct services to 50+ students during the week so I'm constantly planning for sessions or doing homework. I also have a boyfriend who is stationed in Japan demands my time also

I received an email today saying that my medical clinical wants to push my start date back so that i will be working there from 4/2-5/28 instead of 3/17-5/11. I'm suppose to GRADUATE 5/17. Im suppose to leave for Japan to visit 5/24.

I guess its just a few weeks difference but with my anxiety I feel like my world is imploding. I don't really like change and with all this other stress I can feel my agoraphobic self coming back. I'm starting to avoid leaving the house and when I do. I'm nauseous and twitchy and most recently I've begun to cry. I'm worried the kids will notice ( you know how they can smell fear) and eat me alive. I'm also worried of having a full blown panic attack, those things are slippery slopes if you have one somewhere then you have them EVERYWHERE. I can't afford to mess up this clinical, but being so far from home I feel that its inevitable.

I don't know why I'm sharing this, I know you guys can't help me.

but if any of you can manage to get out here and gently smother me in my sleep, I would greatly appreciate it.

meek

Holy crap!! That is exactly the kind of stuff that sets off my anxiety. So first of all I want to congratulate you for getting as far as you have already. It takes massive amounts of dedication and perseverance to get through graduate school and during a period when the job outlook is so bleak it takes even more courage to face the challenges. Then you state that you're doing it in ALASKA of all places, where there's only so much sunlight available throughout the year. You have to be one of the toughest people in the world!

Well, let's look at some of the positives. A) You have a boyfriend and he actually wants to communicate with you. B) YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO GRADUATING!!!!!! Congratulations!! I wish I could throw you a huge party. C) You're going to Japan, a place that I have wanted to visit for most of my life.

As for how you can solve these issues, just stay calm and let's come up with solutions. There are ALWAYS solutions. With the medical clinical it's important to be assertive and provide documentation proving that you'll be graduating and have a trip to Japan scheduled, two very major things that would be of great cost to you if they had to be rescheduled. Be persistent about getting them to see your side without being pushy. You work with children so you know that it takes persistence in order to see any progress.

I know how horrible the panic attacks are and that's the last thing we want here so I'm going to suggest that you just stop and focus on your breathing, nothing else. Focus on drawing in air with your lower abdomen rather than the shallow breaths in your chest. Do this evenly, four seconds to draw air in, and four seconds to exhale. The best part about breathing is that you can do it anywhere! Sometimes when we panic we don't even realize that we're breathing very quickly and shallowly so we're cutting off the supply of oxygen, making the panic not only psychological but physiological as well. Smothering you is going to achieve the very opposite of what I'm trying for here!

You can handle this. And if you need to talk about anything feel free to contact me whenever you want. I'm really impressed by all of the progress you've already made and I hope to see you keep overcoming these obstacles because you're strong, intelligent, and a really nice person :applause:
 
I would second what Marie said, although I struggle to do that myself. I can empathize, though. I have a whole different set of priorities and concerns, but the way they are closing in on me and piling up is much the same.

I would say try to find at least an hour of "you" time per day to just relax and enjoy something. Unless you already have that and it's not working :/
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Everyone else has already said it all better, but just want to say that I also think you're doing really well already so hang in there, Mismeek! :)
 

mismeek

Well-known member
Thanks guys. I talked to my lady who has set up my medical internship and I CAN't get another supervisor. So I'm going to have to cancel my trip. :( the BF isn't too happy, but what can I do. As for my thesis advisor, they've given me another, but she has no idea how to read the statistics, and neither do I. So i still have to hunt this other woman down. I'm getting more stressed because my final copy is due in march and I have to defend it in April AND IM NOT DONE. I have written my results or discussion chapter. U.U trying to stay positive and NOT pop xanax.
 
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