relationships

[sorrow1]

Hi,

I was just wondering if anyone suffering from this condition or anyone who has experienced this condition has ever found happiness in someone else.

I was just wondering because I used to suffer really bad from social phobia and had a form of select mutism when I was younger.

I have "broken through" my anxieties around people but I still can't find happiness it seems. I am apparently fixated with finding love at the moment.

I recently joined a dating site and have recieved a surprising amount of messages, the only thing is I don't message them back even if I find them attractive or they have the same interests as me as I still think I will be worthless in their eyes. I have girlfriends who always tell me that they love me because I'm "SUCH A NICE GUY" but then they go out with some complete douches! and don't give me the time of day.

I only wonder how I'll ever be happy because this is all I can think about. I am a quiet guy, but I am romantic , I love adventuring and embracing life, I can be funny and charming but I need my time apart aswell and this seems to be the hardest part.

Don't really know why I'm ranting but all I seem to want is a shy, nice girl who understands the pressures of this condition, small or large!

anyone like that out there?

 

[Sial Axetder]

First, depression. Read up on it and take steps to lighten your pressures. You're not worthless. You have much to offer this world of yours.

It's a running rumour that women won't stay with a nice guy. Many men can validate it but they refuse to honestly see what's really happening. Women like confidence. With feeling worthless and depressed that confidence is not there.

I used to be exactly like you. At times I am still. So nope you're not alone (-:

 

[JohnnAY]

Atleast you're getting messages... Ugh, I'm not getting anything!

 

[bluebells]

Yes, I have found happiness in someone else but that doesn't mean I'm happy. I'm just happy when I'm with him because that makes me forget about all my problems. It's like an escape from life for me.

Good thing is that he accepts me and my ''shyness''. He doesn't know about my social anxiety although I think it's obvious but I don't think he has ever heard of social phobia/social anxiety and therefore calls it shyness.

I told him about my performance anxiety a while ago and he said ''we all have that'' and added ''just because you read that somewhere you think you have it too''. So I should just keep my anxieties to myself. But I guess I should have told him about it a long time ago, I should've explained my problems to him, because now he doesn't seem to believe me, haha.

So, if possible you should write about your anxiety on your profile page and then see how many messages you get. There are many girls out there with the same problem as you just waiting for someone like you to find them.

 

[Kiwong]

This is not a condition I have been inflicted with.

 

[Silatuyok]

There are nice, shy girls out there who like nice guys. You just have to keep looking..

 

[sorrow1]

thanks for the replies. I guess your right, I do just need to keep looking and not let bad experience get me down. Some days I feel more optimistic than others, I guess yesturday was just a bad day.
I am dubious about putting shyness on my profile or sa. I think it's always good to write positives on a profile and I am struggling to think of a positive spin on social anxiety.

It would perhaps attract people in the same boat as me who are looking for someone the same but then what I think I want in a girl might not be the best thing for me and putting sa on my profile might close off many doors.

 

[Silatuyok]

Yeah, I think mentioning SA on a profile might not be a good move. If anything that could be first date material, if you feel the need to explain your behavior. A lot of profiles I've seen mentioned something about taking a little bit of time to warm up to new people, or being a little shy at first until you get to know someone. Just be sure to mention what a great personality you do have once you become better acquainted.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Yeah, I think mentioning SA on a profile might not be a good move. If anything that could be first date material, if you feel the need to explain your behavior. A lot of profiles I've seen mentioned something about taking a little bit of time to warm up to new people, or being a little shy at first until you get to know someone. Just be sure to mention what a great personality you do have once you become better acquainted.

Yep a LOT! Sometimes I got really bored reading dating profiles. They were all the same!

As ASM states, don't put SA or shy on your profile. The ladies have many men to choose from and anything like that will send them red flags. Yes, it is a sad fact but online dating is all about selling yourself to the opposite sex. :question: