Relationships

[Jodie-Tyler]

Hi,
Does anyone feel like they'll never find a boyfriend / girlfriend because of they're SA/SP?

All my friends are in relationships, and I'm the oldest of my friends.
The opportunity of meeting new people will never arise because I don't go out, and plus I don't talk unless absolutely necessary.

Although I love being on my own, I can't help but think I could be a lot happier if I was in a relationship.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Tripolar]

Absolutely, I'm almost 27 and I have only ever had one boyfriend. It lasted for 6 years but it was a very awkward relationship cause he was just as messed up as I was. It's been three years since we broke up. We have an 8 year old son. I'm worried hes going to turn out messed up too.
Its been so long since I've dated I'm pretty sure I don't even know how any more. And I'm terrified of having to go through all the firsts again. But having someone around sure does sound nice.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Thank you for your comment. It's always nice to know you're not the only one feeling something. Hopefully your child pre-occupies you so you're not always worrying about things.

I hope you don't mind if I ask, during your 6 year relationship, did your partner make you feel happier and more comfortable, or did you both kind of enable each other and kind of make it worse?

I'm scared of having 'firsts' as well, I'd rather skip it and begin in the middle - impossible, I know.

I'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend. A lot of people say I'm too young to be dwelling on it, but I may be 18, but mentally I'm a lot older.

I missed out on most my childhood due to having to grow up pretty quick, which is why mentally I don't feel like 18. So when I look around and see people roughly my age, experiencing new things, I can't help but think I'm going to be alone for quite some time, not forever, but enough time so that I completely miss out on 'young adulthood' like I did my childhood.

I feel silly even talking about it because it sounds so desperate. I'm not, I just....don't like the thought of entering proper Adulthood without even....I don't even know what the word is I'm looking for.

If anyone is familiar with The Big Bang Theory, then I feel like Raj.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

i hope it's not a sin to reply even if i do have some relationship records :9



to this particular point -no. i can't welcome anyone before cleaning my own mess inside.
(friends would be nice though.)


i hope to be more of a person i want to, one day. and then i will think of things which are stalled on the background right now.

Sorting yourself out first, that's smart and healthy.
Though, may I ask how you got into relationships with Social Anxiety, that must have took some emotionally strength?

 

[Feathers]

Hey Jodie,

You're 18 and beautiful!!

I met my first bf at 19 and when I was younger thought it would never happen too!! He was a friend of a friend, so it's easier if you maybe start working on networking and get to know people as friends and just start to 'get out there'? Maybe join some clubs or organisations too etc? Things that really interest you.. Maybe a drama club or such? You can meet nice people there sometimes too.. (though some can have a bit 'inflated ego' too..) Or maybe take a course on something interesting... someone much older than you recently got married cause she met a friend of her now-hubby on a course...

I can relate to some of what you write, but not ('just') because of sa/sp lol... There's usually a bunch of factors involved, and some luck too...

When dating/seeing someone it also depends what kind of person they are.. if they kinda drive you crazy with behavior or you disagree with their choices and priorities in life it can be better to be single too...

If living at home is still stressful (like you mentioned in some other threads) it may be easier to date or be in a relationship if/when you will live on your own, I guess... (At least that was sort of my experience)

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Dear Featheres,
thank you for your reply, it is always relieving when I hear people don't have their first partner until a few years older than me. Gives me hope.

However, I would like to point out that my SA is quite bad, and I don't go out, therefore I can't participate in courses or youth club ect ect, even if I enjoy the subject.

This website is the only contact I have with other people who aren't my friends LOL

Home life is ok, stressful but for different reasons.
I do agree that once I leave home I will gain a lot of independence and in result some confidence to go out.

But judging by my income and the housing market, and the news LOL, I doesn't look like I'll be moving out until my mid 20's - if I'm lucky.

At the moment things look a little 'glass half empty' and I'm very happy for my friends with partners cos god knows they deserve happiness, however sometimes it makes me feel like their relationship only highlights the fact that I'm not in one.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

you caught me off guard. i'm having trouble answering this question, since it's complicated and each relationship was under different circumstances.

- No I understand, my best friend has a lot of issues of her own, and I ask 'yet you're able to let someone else love you, and be around you etc'

So I understand that SA doesn't always factor into relationships, but in my case it does....A LOT.

feathers wrote nice post
18 is still not an age you should feel old not having a bf.

Well I do cos I don't feel 18, not act it. Plus my friends are all younger and I haven't had one relationship. Not in high school, not after it, never.
And I ended up taking an internship instead of going to college so I work with middle aged married women. No men....at all! And the ones who do work where I work, are also, middle aged and married. I have no way of meeting people my own age.

However, most of the men my age are total idiots anyway.
XD

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

there are plenty of ppl who met online

That's the hope

haha

 

[Feathers]

Well, I've worked in some similar settings too... so I can relate to that...

Can any of your friends introduce you to someone? Or any of their bfs maybe have friends who might want to date a pretty girl like you? Or can you go out together to settings where there are some single people too? (Maybe even the older women at work have nephews or sons lol??)
A friend of mine did hang around with a couple (her friend+bf of friend) all summer and then 'landed' her now-bf of many years! They went cycling and to village parties and sports events and such.. (places she probably wouldn't go alone either..) Her now-bf is very much into cycling and such too..

Yeah, maybe look into online places where you can meet people too, there are different sites and intentions of people may be different too.. So don't expect too much, it just might happen tho...
Even if it's an online place where you meet some people as friends first online, then RL, it may be easier to meet other people though them or with them then...

Some 19-year olds can be quite mature and some 30+ or 53 year-olds can be sorta immature, so age is hmm... maybe one of the factors, it's important to get to know the person well though...

 

[A friend]

Hi,
Does anyone feel like they'll never find a boyfriend / girlfriend because of they're SA/SP?

All my friends are in relationships, and I'm the oldest of my friends.
The opportunity of meeting new people will never arise because I don't go out, and plus I don't talk unless absolutely necessary.

Although I love being on my own, I can't help but think I could be a lot happier if I was in a relationship.

Can anyone relate?

Heelloooo

Well, my advice (even thought I'm a guy) and thoughts are---

I can't say this is how it is for everyone, but I believe that people's happiness does not improve if they're in a relationship, I'd say it's best to enjoy your life how it is now.

Finding gratitude can be difficult for some people, but if you're life is happy now, I'd say you shouldn't go out and find a boyfriend.

 

[Tripolar]

Thank you for your comment. It's always nice to know you're not the only one feeling something. Hopefully your child pre-occupies you so you're not always worrying about things.

I hope you don't mind if I ask, during your 6 year relationship, did your partner make you feel happier and more comfortable, or did you both kind of enable each other and kind of make it worse?

I'm scared of having 'firsts' as well, I'd rather skip it and begin in the middle - impossible, I know.

I'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend. A lot of people say I'm too young to be dwelling on it, but I may be 18, but mentally I'm a lot older.

I missed out on most my childhood due to having to grow up pretty quick, which is why mentally I don't feel like 18. So when I look around and see people roughly my age, experiencing new things, I can't help but think I'm going to be alone for quite some time, not forever, but enough time so that I completely miss out on 'young adulthood' like I did my childhood.

I feel silly even talking about it because it sounds so desperate. I'm not, I just....don't like the thought of entering proper Adulthood without even....I don't even know what the word is I'm looking for.

If anyone is familiar with The Big Bang Theory, then I feel like Raj.

I'm sorry to say that my 6 year relationship was it's very own special brand of hell. We had a great support system, however it was completly one sided on my part. Not to say that it wasn't wonderful at times and it was definately a great learning experience. But we pretty much just locked ourselves away together and their is nothing healthy about that. When two people spend every waking moment together with out any socialization with anybody else they begin to tear each other apart; this is something I hope you keep in mind when you do meet your special someone...absence makes the heart grow fonder.

 

[Phoenixx]

I almost always feel this way. Nearly every one of my friends is either in a relationship or has already been in more than one, whereas I have never been in one. Heck, I already have someone in my life who's only 4 months older than me that is already engaged and she is getting married this summer. She used to be a really good friend, but this year we have moved on to just being "acquaintances"... if you can even call it that. >.> Anyway, negativity aside, I must admit sometimes I do enjoy being single. Yes, I do have those rare moments where I do enjoy it.

 

[coyote]

I'm sorry to say that my 6 year relationship was it's very own special brand of hell. We had a great support system, however it was completly one sided on my part. Not to say that it wasn't wonderful at times and it was definately a great learning experience. But we pretty much just locked ourselves away together and their is nothing healthy about that. When two people spend every waking moment together with out any socialization with anybody else they begin to tear each other apart; this is something I hope you keep in mind when you do meet your special someone...absence makes the heart grow fonder.

ummm....

you're not my second ex-wife are you?

 

[Bittersweet]

Yes, I can relate. I'm not sure what's worse, wanting a relationship in general or wanting a relationship with someone in particular who isn't interested.

 

[AGR]

Yes,I think its specially hard since I am a foreigner,I cant really relate to western women here,I know its stereotyping but to me there is too much promiscuity and they are nonchalant about relationships,cheating and etc,Japanese girls are likely too shy,I am even more shy,they dont give many signals,some did but then I have to make the next move, I dont know how,I also dont have friends that I go out with,its hard to meet people,they may find me strange because of that.

 

[ZoneOutGrl4]

OMG oh no people are understanding! So I've been told! I remind myself people are too busy to stare at me & come up with gibber gabber when I go out! Trust someone will come along.... they might not be the one or your hero but if you try you will accomplish something!! Score a number, drink, or date!

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Thank you very much for all your comments, it's really appreciated.

 

[Tyler.d]

Yeah i can definitely relate, ive never had a gf in my whole life, i want that to change but if i stay like i am now it will never happen.

 

[Tyler.d]

I'm 21 almost 22 by the way.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Yeah i can definitely relate, ive never had a gf in my whole life, i want that to change but if i stay like i am now it will never happen.

That is EXACTLY how I feel!

You're a little older than me, sorry to say that makes me feel a little better, that there are people older who also havent has a relationship yet.
Means I'm not the only one going through this

Can I ask what holds you back? Is it JUST your social anxiety or various things?

Also, you're name....?? You don't happen to be a Fight Club fan by any chance?
- Jodie