Really depressed after 3 friends blocked me.

[xnn]

Hi everyone. This will be a very long post... Hope you will read and advice me what I should do.

I've started working at this new place 3 months ago. New start, and I tried to change, buy going directly to people, getting eyecontact and introduce myself. It went fine in the beginning, when everything was new.
But after a while it got harder to talk to people, as my fears for not being liked rised again.
I sendt most people I talked to at work a friend request on facebook, and was glad that so many accepted. Just 2 of my coworkers did not accept.

Some of the girls that work there where very nice and easy to talk to, and in the beginning I felt accepted. But lately that have changed. Some just seems to avoid me or they are more reserved around me than before.

I talked to them at facebook, commenting on their statuspost, and tried to be suportive and nice. My comments always got liked by the receiver and a nice reply back.

1 person I was talking to almost everynight at facebook. She was nice to me and told alot about herself, family and her interesest and activities. Since we live pretty close (like 5 minutes walk), she said that maybe we could visit eachother when we get to know eachother better. I started liking this girl alot. I did some experiments, like asking her to join me for an event, and asked for her phonenumber. She said no to both.
I also tagged her in 2 contest at facebook, where the price was a jacket. She did not say anything about that, but it was my way of telling her I'm interested in doing stuff with here on spare time.
We have talked alot since I did that, and I have not asking her to do anything with me for long while. I believed that she would eventually turn to me, when shes ready for being more that a facebook friend.
Last time we talked was wednesday evening, and the last thing she said to me was good night. We had a very good talk as we also do, and she has told me that I'm a nice person.

Thursday I logged on to facebook, and was looking forward to talk to her, I couldnt find here. She was not in my friendlist anymore. I then found out that 3 of my friends have suddenly blocked me, and I couldnt believe it.
I know this people are all friends with eachother, and 2 of this person has been very reserved at me lately at work, and doesnt evens say hi anymore.

It was very sad as I think my atempts to be friend with anyone at work have failed, and I'm just as loneny now, than I was before I started there.
I don't have work before tuesday, so I wont see them before then. It will be hard for me to face them at work now.
I don't understand what I have done wrong. I guess I will try to ask them, but it will be hard with the anxiety now. I will probaly start shaking, blush, sweat and maybe fall on the floor (it have happen).

Thanks for reading, and for any reply or advice, I would be very grateful for any input.

 

[arjuna]

On facebook I have had people delete me from their friend's list. Normally, it's is people who I don't normally see anymore. It can be tough at the beginning but normally once it's happened to you a few times and as you recover, it stops bothering you.

 

[Sacrament]

Ask them, without any expectations, if you did something to bother or upset them. But when you do it, don't act all 'oh poor me', as people are rarely attracted to someone who completely lacks confidence and self-esteem/acceptance.

 

[THeCARS1979]

Hi everyone. This will be a very long post... Hope you will read and advice me what I should do.

I've started working at this new place 3 months ago. New start, and I tried to change, buy going directly to people, getting eyecontact and introduce myself. It went fine in the beginning, when everything was new.
But after a while it got harder to talk to people, as my fears for not being liked rised again.
I sendt most people I talked to at work a friend request on facebook, and was glad that so many accepted. Just 2 of my coworkers did not accept.

Some of the girls that work there where very nice and easy to talk to, and in the beginning I felt accepted. But lately that have changed. Some just seems to avoid me or they are more reserved around me than before.

I talked to them at facebook, commenting on their statuspost, and tried to be suportive and nice. My comments always got liked by the receiver and a nice reply back.

1 person I was talking to almost everynight at facebook. She was nice to me and told alot about herself, family and her interesest and activities. Since we live pretty close (like 5 minutes walk), she said that maybe we could visit eachother when we get to know eachother better. I started liking this girl alot. I did some experiments, like asking her to join me for an event, and asked for her phonenumber. She said no to both.
I also tagged her in 2 contest at facebook, where the price was a jacket. She did not say anything about that, but it was my way of telling her I'm interested in doing stuff with here on spare time.
We have talked alot since I did that, and I have not asking her to do anything with me for long while. I believed that she would eventually turn to me, when shes ready for being more that a facebook friend.
Last time we talked was wednesday evening, and the last thing she said to me was good night. We had a very good talk as we also do, and she has told me that I'm a nice person.

Thursday I logged on to facebook, and was looking forward to talk to her, I couldnt find here. She was not in my friendlist anymore. I then found out that 3 of my friends have suddenly blocked me, and I couldnt believe it.
I know this people are all friends with eachother, and 2 of this person has been very reserved at me lately at work, and doesnt evens say hi anymore.

It was very sad as I think my atempts to be friend with anyone at work have failed, and I'm just as loneny now, than I was before I started there.
I don't have work before tuesday, so I wont see them before then. It will be hard for me to face them at work now.
I don't understand what I have done wrong. I guess I will try to ask them, but it will be hard with the anxiety now. I will probaly start shaking, blush, sweat and maybe fall on the floor (it have happen).

Thanks for reading, and for any reply or advice, I would be very grateful for any input.

I can see why you can be depressed and I cant blame you for that. I dont have have experience myself and really not trying right now because Im not sure what I'm going to do. Try to hold your head up

 

[Bronson99]

What happened there, in my opinion, was strongly influenced by the group dynamic of those 3 friends. If it's conceivable that one of the three people in that group does not like you, it's possible that at some point they got to talking and that person said something unflattering about you, influencing the others' opinion of you. Thus, they all unfriended you.

This is the kind of thing you will see time and time again in life, from the beginning of middle school even well into adulthood. It's like I said before, most people are just like mindless pack animals. Even when people are supposed to be grown-ups who can think for themselves, they still act in highly juvenile and regressive ways, and what's worse, they believe this behavior is proper and mature. It's common and accepted, sure, but that certainly doesn't make it "good"!

Your goal, with shyness/anxiety or whatever, is to look for those who are NOT so mindless, not so defined by group dynamics. In other words look for people who can think for themselves and don't need to ask their "group" for permission to socialize/befriend someone (you in this case.) Some people will have this depth; most won't. But they're out there.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

^Good advice,

Also I would like to add that not everyone wants anything to do with their co-workers OUTSIDE of work, not because they dislike you but because they don't want to think about work when they're not at work.

 

[iheart]

I agree with Pacific_Loner and Bronson99 and wish I had figured this out 30 years ago when I was a teenager. Societal norms and pressure affects everyone, not just the socially anxious, and influences herd mentality. Now I see it clearly, particularly at work. Being a socially anxious introvert, I can be, admittedly, antisocial. It just seems easier in the moment to be withdrawn from the pack, but I realize how it makes things harder for me in other ways. However, I can also see how herd mentality affects the individual.

For example, my co-workers are a friendly, sociable group of people who all get along well with each other in and outside the office. But they rarely have lunch by themselves; heck, they even go the restroom in pairs. Nothing particularly wrong with that, but it's a sign of weakness and dependency when you're too insecure to be seen eating alone. Furthermore, they expect me to behave in the same dependent way and that just doesn't happen. So, when they approach me, it's usually as a pair or group of 3 or more. As soon as one finishes talking and starts to walk away, the others nervously scramble to catch up with the "leader", even if we're in the middle of a conversation. It's perfectly normal to them, but looks sad and kind of creepy to me, which is funny/ironic because I know they think of me as the strange loner. Not being judgmental, I used to be the same way, trying to fit in and sticking with the pack. Believe me, it's not all about you, so don't think your "friends" are in the right and you're they one causing all this. Exercise your ability to stand alone until better quality people come into your life.

 

[xnn]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

One thing is getting defriended, but getting blocked, it's amost like I have scared them somehow.

The persons how have blocked me live pretty close to me. The girl I talked to most on facebook, and everynight, told me her adresss, and it just above here, a few minutes to walk. I was temptet to go there and knock on the door, and try to talk to her, and ask what happend. But if I done something to scare her, that may just scare her even more, and I will be known as the creepy stalker guy. Don't want that to happen. So I guess it's best to wait to tuesday, and carefully try to speak to her at work.

 

[xnn]

Well now I know why 1 of the girls blocked me. I was with a friend today, who is also friend with this girl. She let me use her facebook, so I could message her.
She told me she was mad at me. She appearantly didnt like that I said "Hey sexy" to her the other day. She didnt know if she could forgive me that, but said she would have a meeting with me on tuesday.

So yeah, I said sexy to her. So how bad is it? I didnt expect her to be offended by that. And I said I was very sorry to her. My other friend didnt think this was something to be upset by. I don't know about the other girls that blocked me, if it's for the same reason. She probaly told them what I did, and they decided to block me too.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Yeah be careful who you call sexy. What was the intend, a compliment? I know it might sound like it to you, but trust me, for a female, being called "hey sexy" can be extremely, extremely annoying. I'm not sure if I should explain it furthermore, it sounds obvious to me.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

If you are unskilled at socializing, it would be better to not socialize at all while at work.

Be polite and keep your head down. Don't make jokes. Don't express opinions on...anything. Definitely do not flirt.

Practice your skills in a setting where getting fired and/or a sexual harassment lawsuit is unlikely to happen.

 

[surewhynot]

You need to learn how to read people. She didn't want to go to the event with you, she didn't want to share her number with you. She's not interested. She blocked you on Facebook because she felt uncomfortable with you. She shared her feelings with her friends who proceeded to block you as well. You now contacted her using someone else's Facebook account, which is kinda creepy. You're now considering to go knock on her door uninvited.

Don't. Leave her alone. Not everyone will like you, that's okay. Maybe you'll be more lucky with the next girl. Number one rule with women is to not push too hard.

 

[AlienGeranium]

You need to learn how to read people. She didn't want to go to the event with you, she didn't want to share her number with you. She's not interested. She blocked you on Facebook because she felt uncomfortable with you. She shared her feelings with her friends who proceeded to block you as well. You now contacted her using someone else's Facebook account, which is kinda creepy. You're now considering to go knock on her door uninvited.

Don't. Leave her alone. Not everyone will like you, that's okay. Maybe you'll be more lucky with the next girl. Number one rule with women is to not push too hard.

Yes, Surewhynot pointed out a lot of good points here. You're not completely at fault, obviously if the girl did not like you calling her that she could have said something at the time, as opposed to trying to make you guess what she was uncomfortable about.

But yeah, I'd lay back to coworker or friend mode.

 

[xnn]

You need to learn how to read people. She didn't want to go to the event with you, she didn't want to share her number with you. She's not interested. She blocked you on Facebook because she felt uncomfortable with you. She shared her feelings with her friends who proceeded to block you as well. You now contacted her using someone else's Facebook account, which is kinda creepy. You're now considering to go knock on her door uninvited.

Don't. Leave her alone. Not everyone will like you, that's okay. Maybe you'll be more lucky with the next girl. Number one rule with women is to not push too hard.

No, there are 3 different girls here.

Girl 1: I said hey sexy to her. I did not get an reaction from here at all, and she didnt say anything. Then she blocked me on FB.

Girl 2: This is the very nice girl that I've been chattig with every evening on FB. I did ask for here phonenumber and she said no. I also invited her to some events and she said no. But she continue to talk to me on FB. So I guess she wasnt ready for anything more, and just chatted with her when she started a chat on FB. We had many nice chat, but after girl 1 blocked me, this girl blocked me aswell. :sad:

Girl 3: Don't know her well. I have tried to talk to her some at work, and also tried to be friendly on FB to her. She lately seemed more reserved around me at work. She looks at me but doesnt say a word to me. She talks alot, so there's no social phobia going on there. I don't know if she blocked me before, or at the same time as girl 1 and 2 did. I just noticed they wernt on my friendlist anymore.


Relationship between girl 1 and 3 from my understanding not very good at all. Befoe girl 1 blocked me she told me on FB that girl 3 was talking about her behind her back, and saying negative things about her. I supported her, but told her maybe they should talk together to sort things out. I don't know if they did, and then decided to block me both... Kind of ironic if that's what happened.

 

[AtTheGates]

This is something I really cant stand...People dont actually just politely let you know when you're doing something they dont like...instead they give you no benefit of the doubt whatsoever and just go behind your back and tell other people that you're an ******* or weird or creepy..and then before you know it 4 or 5 people dislike you and its just like "wtf?"...


its understandable if ONE person has a problem but that doesnt mean that they have to speak poorly of you to a bunch of other people.

 

[Bronson99]

This is something I really cant stand...People dont actually just politely let you know when you're doing something they dont like...instead they give you no benefit of the doubt whatsoever and just go behind your back and tell other people that you're an ******* or weird or creepy..and then before you know it 4 or 5 people dislike you and its just like "wtf?"...


its understandable if ONE person has a problem but that doesnt mean that they have to speak poorly of you to a bunch of other people.

It's just like I said. Not to brag but I do feel as if I have all the answers, sometimes :bigsmile:

 

[xnn]

Hi. Today I got to talk to one of the girls who blocked me on facebook. The girl I said "hey sexy" to, and she was very nice to me. Everything seems to be ok with her now, we are friends again on facebook. I asked her about the 2 other girls who blocked me, and she says she don't know anything about that.
I don't know if I can believe that. There is something weired about her friends blocking me at the same time.

I have tried to talk to the other 2 girls, but they refuse to talk to me, with not responding, turning away or go away from me, so clearly they wont nothing to do with me, even though I have not insulted them in anyway.

So yeah, the girl I did insult, told them, which made them turn they back to me. But she wont admit that.

Is there anything I can do to fix this, or should I just leave it? I feel terrible for loosing them, for this 1 girl I had so good contact with on Facebook before this happen. I miss that alot.

 

[R3K]

the advantages of being social phobic is being able to harness the energy you'd otherwise spend talking with idiots, to inwardly identifying and avoiding them.

they're drama-mongers. they get their jollies off baiting outsiders into their clique's standards of weirdness, then setting them up to be jackasses that they make fun of. that's all they're doing. they're Rtards.

put a boat on the beach with a sign that says "boat to happy land," with a drill and a note that says "to get drinking water, drill a hole in center of boat floor."

:applause:yay idiots, gj enjoy your life on happy land :applause:

 

[Ransfordrowe]

That is odd why she blocked you.Unfortunetly people have issues that dont always show on the surface that affect their behaviour.Misunderstandings happen too and instead of discussing it some people overeact by blocking people etc.Places like facebook can be tough places to make,maintain friendships.It just takes one trouble maker to spread rumours etc.Try to not take it personal however hard that is.Facebook friends are not really true friendships alot of the time.More aquaintences I think.

 

[Ransfordrowe]

Just noticed your other comment.If you want to be friends with a girl then you can not blur the line by making sexual comments however mild you view the comment.It implies you want to be more than friends and some women are not happy about that if your suppose to be just friends.