Question for the girls..

enchantress24

enchantress24

Well-known member
I'm not a jealous person but I do tend to get insecure at times. I've been with my bf for about 7 months and have a wonderful relationship. I know he has female friends which hasnt bothered me but lately one of his old highschool friends has been calling him and txting him often, asking for help or offering to help with other stuff. I'm not jealous but it really annoys me because she's met me and she know he has a gf yet continuosly calls him.

Do I have a right to say anything at this point? I know they have been friends for a long time but our relationship is also serious. At what point do you tell a guy that it bothers you? I'm afraid he's going to say something like she has more rights than me because they've know each other longer....and how do you bring something like this up without sounding like a naggin, insecure gf?
 
Lorraine Manca

Lorraine Manca

Well-known member
thats your chance to laugh at yourself for thinking that way. its good practice at letting go. i could be wrong, but thats what i think.
 
DebbieDowner

DebbieDowner

1
if it's how you feel, you have a right to bring it up with you bf. and if he doesn't understand then he's insane, because 99.9% of men are irrationally jealous by nature and that's why we <3 them :) of course you're going to feel a little uncomfortable about it, and it doesn't mean you're insecure or nagging. would your bf feel comfortable if it was the other way around? probably not. don't stifle your feelings in a relationship, it only leads to doom. trust me.
 
agoraphobickatie

agoraphobickatie

Well-known member
i would definitely be annoyed/jealous/whatever as well.... the way i see it, 'in a serious relationship' doesn't mean you can't have opposite sex friends, i certainly think it's fine to associate with opposite sex friends daily, in school, wherever, but when it comes to phone calls and texting pretty regularly, that would bother me.... if it bothers you, then you have every right to tell him, it's usually better to be open and honest about how you feel anyway, ya know? maybe just ask him how he would feel if some guy was calling/texting you a lot... if he pulls the macho thing and says "nahh, i wouldn't care at all" just know that he's probably not being honest, and then i would just say "well... i wish i could be that way, but i'm not, and it kinda bothers me.. what do you think?" or something... any way that you choose to talk to him about it should be fine as long as you're not demanding him anything, no one likes to be told what to do, ya know? try to make him see it your way and figure out a way to make you feel better..... if he's not willing to make sure he's thinking about you and putting your feelings first, then that's another problem, ya know? ..best wishes to you! :)
 
flakeybark

flakeybark

1
If it were me and someone was making me jealous like that then I'd just ditch them. Those types of feelings will just eat away at you and rot your insides.
 
DebbieDowner

DebbieDowner

1
but that's why you should talk about it with you bf so that those feelings don't eat away at you. that's how you can build a strong relationship, by being honest and true to yourself as well as your bf.
 
enchantress24

enchantress24

Well-known member
thanx for all your replies. this is the first real relationship ive been in and i just have no clue how to deal with certain situations. these thoughts and feelings ARE eating me away and im just getting really bad anxiety.
 
flakeybark

flakeybark

1
DebbieDowner said:
but that's why you should talk about it with you bf so that those feelings don't eat away at you. that's how you can build a strong relationship, by being honest and true to yourself as well as your bf.
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Just saying what I'd do. I have poor communication skills and don't know how to address things like that with people so I'd simply end it when it got to be too difficult otherwise I'd only be choking myself. Plus if I'm feeling intense jealousy like that those people usually aren't good for me anyway.
 
DebbieDowner

DebbieDowner

1
hey flakeybark, i didn't mean to sound like i was saying that you were wrong - that's not what i meant. if you're upfront with people about what's bothering you they're much more likely to change what they're doing than if you say nothing at all. and it doesn't seem like you have poor communication skills...:)
 
enchantress24

enchantress24

Well-known member
flakeybark said:
Just saying what I'd do. I have poor communication skills and don't know how to address things like that with people so I'd simply end it when it got to be too difficult otherwise I'd only be choking myself. Plus if I'm feeling intense jealousy like that those people usually aren't good for me anyway.
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I know where ur coming from. I've always been poor at communicating. thats why this is the first relationship ive been in. I would always end things when they became difficult. I'm not good at dealing with certain situations cuz im not a very strong, emotionally stable person.
 
flakeybark

flakeybark

1
DebbieDowner said:
hey flakeybark, i didn't mean to sound like i was saying that you were wrong - that's not what i meant. if you're upfront with people about what's bothering you they're much more likely to change what they're doing than if you say nothing at all. and it doesn't seem like you have poor communication skills...:)
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That's coz I'm eating pizza and pizza doesn't make me jealous. When I'm feeling jealous or any such strong emotion it all goes inward and turns me into a mental case because I just don't know how to deal with it. No I didn't think you were being critical I just felt like elaborating because its something I've had to deal with a lot. :cool:
 
DebbieDowner

DebbieDowner

1
i totally understand what that's like, because that's how i was/still am for the most part. i have serious issues expressing my anger in any form, i just bottle up my feelings and then they turn into anxiety and depression so lately i've been trying really hard to be completely honest when people do things that piss me off. everyone's surprised that i'm suddenly trying to be assertive but i can tell they're starting to show me more respect. i'm just so sick of taking crap from people. i guess i'm giving the advice i wish i could follow more often
 
losttroy

losttroy

Well-known member
If you have an issue, and this post proves you do, then there is a problem. Even though not everyone may smell smoke, if just one person does, then there is a fire brewing somewhere. Go find it, and deal with it.

If a man puts ANYONE before the woman he is supposed to love, he doesn't love her that much. Think about it. I hope I could help.
 
Lorraine Manca

Lorraine Manca

Well-known member
losttroy said:
If a man puts ANYONE before the woman he is supposed to love, he doesn't love her that much. Think about it. I hope I could help.
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thats an extremely possessive thought. thats awful. its ok to be paranoid, you just cant feed the paranoia. it'll just make you feel awful. he's not doin anything wrong.
 
E

Emily_G

Well-known member
enchantress24 said:
I'm not a jealous person but I do tend to get insecure at times. I've been with my bf for about 7 months and have a wonderful relationship. I know he has female friends which hasnt bothered me but lately one of his old highschool friends has been calling him and txting him often, asking for help or offering to help with other stuff. I'm not jealous but it really annoys me because she's met me and she know he has a gf yet continuosly calls him.

Do I have a right to say anything at this point? I know they have been friends for a long time but our relationship is also serious. At what point do you tell a guy that it bothers you? I'm afraid he's going to say something like she has more rights than me because they've know each other longer....and how do you bring something like this up without sounding like a naggin, insecure gf?
Click to expand...

I'd say something right away.

And if he says "she has more rights than you" than he's a jerk.
 
Kat

Kat

Well-known member
Remember you’re not alone anymore and yes, you definitely need to talk this over with him especially if this is something you struggle with and if he is a good bf he will help you through it the best he can. I am not sure if it’s necessarily a flaw it’s only a flaw in the fact that it makes you feel awful and you think he thinks this other person has something over you, that’s why it’s best to talk to him about it to challenge those negative thoughts no matter how silly you feel. Having insecurities is a part of you at this stage in life. So if he is aware of the challenges ahead and still loves you for them, it’s definitely the man you need to have in your life.

It may be an ongoing battle but I am sure the person your with has flaws that you have either learnt to deal with or worked on to make things better as a couple. Don’t worry if things aren’t always perfect within reason no relationship is.
 
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