Pressure from parents to get a gf

[Darker Than Black]

My parents kept on urging me to get a gf.., ever since grade 10, my dad kept on say "get a gf,...etc and on and on"

I didn't even want a gf back then, and the pressure from him and my other "friend" made it worse.

Now I still don't want a gf, I just want to focus on school, and myself, screw everything else

 

[Lorraine Manca]

there's tons of gold diggers in the field of engineering though, dont worry! everything will happen in its own time. If you're in school, then chances are you're young and have time for that all to fall in place naturally.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

My family never does that. Which is probably a really telling thing. Ha Ha

I think that by now, they're scared to death that I'm gay and keeping my secret lover out of sight. They're probably afraid that I'm waiting for an opening to introduce him or something, so they never bring up anything of a remotely romantic nature, ever.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

My family never does that. Which is probably a really telling thing. Ha Ha

I think that by now, they're scared to death that I'm gay and keeping my secret lover out of sight. They're probably afraid that I'm waiting for an opening to introduce him or something, so they never bring up anything of a remotely romantic nature, ever.

your post really cracked me up! oh gosh. i wonder alot if im ever gonna get that talk.

 

[lac operon]

Get one of the nicer young female professor to be GF, I know few professor are only 28! then you can get some free tutoring too.

 

[Riptor]

My family never brings up girls around me. It's like they figure I'm a lost cause.

My friends, however, used to tease that I must be in the closet. I once told a "trusted" friend that I liked a girl and at first he flat out didn't believe me. Then, weasel that he was, he told her anyway, and I don't know what he said, but she didn't believe me either, then they hooked up shortly after.

Oh, no one asked me to ramble on about myself did they? ::

I think focusing on school is a good choice. What alternative do you have? It's freaking engineering, you'd better focus. You'll come into your own, we introverts are late bloomers, and I hear rumor that women like men with good jobs (cha-ching).


(Make more videos!)

 

[Tiercel]

I'm assuming your dad is paying for some of your loans for these engineering classes. Just ask him if he would rather you get out in 4 years with no girlfriend or maybe as long as 6 with one.

My mom once told me that I should marry one of her (younger) coworkers. Not because she thinks we'd be a nice couple, but because she would enjoy having this particular girl as a daughter-in-law....

Uhh.... did I miss something?

 

[Hellhound]

I think some parents need to get a life and maybe a gf/bf themselves

 

[Darker Than Black]

my parents ALWAYS make "jokes" when colleagues are over about "your daughter should get married with my son"....IT IS SOOOOO ANNOYING

 

[Darker Than Black]

Some time I just want to killmyself or something cuz I think to myself I'll never meet up with my parents expectations and they'll always be ashamed of having me as a son

 

[Hellhound]

Some time I just want to killmyself or something cuz I think to myself I'll never meet up with my parents expectations and they'll always be ashamed of having me as a son

But you shouldn't have to meet anyone's expectation but yours only. Your parents are not your owners, you gotta do things for yourself to make yourself happy, not to please someone else. Your parents should be more supportive with you and stop putting you under pressure and making you feel bad. If they feel ashamed of you for things like this, they are not good parents then. Sorry if i sound a bit rude or cold, but i just can't stand when parents come up with expectations and make their children suffer or stress out because their standards are not met.

I apologize if i talked crap

 

[Darker Than Black]

But you shouldn't have to meet anyone's expectation but yours only. Your parents are not your owners, you gotta do things for yourself to make yourself happy, not to please someone else. Your parents should be more supportive with you and stop putting you under pressure and making you feel bad. If they feel ashamed of you for things like this, they are not good parents then. Sorry if i sound a bit rude or cold, but i just can't stand when parents come up with expectations and make their children suffer or stress out because their standards are not met.

I apologize if i talked crap

They pay for everything, all my books, all my tuition, the least I can do is grades...but now my grades are dropping and they're not pleased with it

When my dad was here visiting me, he took me to lunch and said

"when u have time, go get a gf."

and after we were done lunch, we walked back to my Rez and in the hallway, he just said

"Go up to one of those girls, and get them"

That's y me and my parents never talk much, cuz I'm never up to where they expect me, they always say things like

"A colleague of mine's son/daughter got 4.0 GPA and so much scholarships, and have a S/O, and make so much money..be more like them."

I told them once to stop saying things like that, I am doing all I can, but they said "We just want to give u some motivation." And they never stopped.

 

[Hellhound]

They pay for everything, all my books, all my tuition, the least I can do is grades...but now my grades are dropping and they're not pleased with it

When my dad was here visiting me, he took me to lunch and said

"when u have time, go get a gf."

and after we were done lunch, we walked back to my Rez and in the hallway, he just said

"Go up to one of those girls, and get them"

That's y me and my parents never talk much, cuz I'm never up to where they expect me, they always say things like

"A colleague of mine's son/daughter got 4.0 GPA and so much scholarships, and have a S/O, and make so much money..be more like them."

I told them once to stop saying things like that, I am doing all I can, but they said "We just want to give u some motivation." And they never stopped.

Geez... "Go up to one of those girls, and get them" ? Wtf? It takes more than just that to have a gf =/ You don't just go and get one as if they were a bunch of meat from the supermarket. You have to meet someone, get to know them, have a bond, maybe LOVE that person... And comparing you with other people is just horrible. You are who you are, They should respect you and be happy to have you as their son, and be proud of you for what you acomplish instead of putting you down like that and expecting more and more... People are different, no one is better or worse than no one. Some parents really need to educate themselves a bit more. That is NOT motivation, they fail to realize that you are not getting motivated, pretty much all the opposite. You do well at not talking with them much. Just live the way you want to live, study what you want to study, do things the way YOU want to do them at YOUR rythm, and do what it makes YOU happy, because you are living and doing things for your sake not for anyone else's. All the things you do now will affect YOUR future only, if you keep worrying about your parents' expectations, you won't be living your own life while trying to live the life your parents want you to live. You are not a clone of your parents or some object of their property, they have no rights to tell you how to live and what to do. If they are obsessed with perfection and high standards, it's their problem, not yours.

 

[Richey]

most parents(people) are poor communicators, and by that i dont actually mean ability to talk but more how they talk and what they say. they simply take the attitude of authoritarian and they like to control. they also believe because they are older then you and that they are your parents and that they know better. its very rare to have parents that get it! in terms of what life is really about.

 

[N04h]

its none of their business if you have a girlfriend or not.

 

[redski]

My parents are the same. I do not think they know that it's actually more harm then good.
Like my mom calling her friends asking if they know of any nice girls for me.
I still live with them and we have a small house so I hear it all. Just makes me want to sink into the ground.
I am trying to be understanding however. I take it they are parents and are just
trying to look out for me.

My father is worse he always forces me into everything. Sort of like mental abuse.
I remember once he literally pushed me in front of some women in church and said "Talk!".

If I ever have kids I will try not to make the same mistakes my parent did with me.

 

[Justas]

My parents are the same... Well not only parents, whole family, all people around me. It's hard to listen and to answer those questions... If I'm gay or when will I show them my girlfriend. Some people think that I have a gf, but I don't show it to people. Trying to focus on other things...

 

[Hellhound]

Before I started therapy almost a year ago, I hadn't recognized this either - as I felt trapped by my parents expectations - and when I finally woke up I realized my parents were making me feel bad because I wasn't on their "ideal path" for me - it almost felt like they had my own biography written out for me and I was supposed to live it that way. It was no wonder I was miserable taking a major I don't like,and still living at home with few social contacts because they would try and make me feel bad/guilty for wanting to do something else.

Even with my own hopes and dreams when I went out and tried to go chase them, they would make me feel bad for even trying because it wasn't what they had planned for me - and this would affect me because this thought would be in the back of my mind, thus the motivation that doesn't really help me try and do what I want to do.

Now, I try not to talk to reveal much of anything about what I'm doing to them. It might be a little bit rude, but I'd rather not continue to get subjected to that treatment.

No it's not rude if you don't talk about what you do, THEY are rude for treating you like that, so if you choose not to talk with them it's their fault on the first place. Plus, you don't really have to talk about those things, it's your life and it's non of their business. I'm glad you realized it and started to do the things you wanted, just remember it's your life and no one has the right to tell you how to live it, not even your parents.

 

[dooby-duck]

You have to follow your own path at your own pace. It's all right to hear peoples opinions and consider their advice but it is your life and living it how they want you to will only lead to resentment.

 

[Noca]

I never dated anyone before I was 18. For years I would be asked and bothered about not having a gf at every single family gathering. It got old real quick and always made me feel like a loser.