Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

LoyalXenite

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
theoutsider said:
I recently learned that when people are telling of a traumatic experience, it's considered rude to speak of something similar that happened to you. I didn't know this and would usually do it if I had a shared experience. I always thought it was a way of showing empathy as if to say, I know the feeling because I've experienced similar. I didn't know that many looked at it as one-upsmanship. Oh well, you learn something new everyday. I'll have to be conscientious not to do this again.
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I do the same, I think im empathizing or trying to relate but I forget some people dont feel the same way about it
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
One of the absolute worst types of people to have in your life is a person that doesn't have any faith in you, in the goals you are trying to achieve, and is condescendingly outspoken about it without a care in the world for your feelings.

They pretend they are doing you favors by "helping" you "realize" the "truth" about yourself, by helping you realize that you "just don't have what it takes," by talking down to you, as if they know what's best for you, as if they know you better than you know yourself. No logic you send their way can ever change their mind; it is already set in stone, despite their vigorous claims to "open-mindedness." Why bother hanging around a person like this (hint: don't)? All they do is whittle away your self-confidence until there is nothing left.

Leave them where they stand and don't look back.

Fuck people like this.
 
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PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Miserum said:
One of the absolute worst types of people to have in your life is a person that doesn't have any faith in you, in the goals you are trying to achieve, and is condescendingly outspoken about it without a care in the world for your feelings.

They pretend they are doing you favors by "helping" you "realize" the "truth" about yourself, by helping you realize that you "just don't have what it takes," by talking down to you, as if they know what's best for you, as if they know you better than you know yourself. No logic you send their way can ever change their mind; it is already set in stone, despite their vigorous claims to "open-mindedness." Why bother hanging around a person like this (hint: don't)? All they do is whittle away your self-confidence until there is nothing left.

Leave them where they stand and don't look back.

Fuck people like this.
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Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
It's so hard to mask my unhappiness these days. Used to be a cinch; now sometimes I can't even muster the energy to "put on a happy face" while I'm interacting with others. No wonder they think I'm a freak.
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
As I get older, I wonder if I'm ever going to be okay. Is this who I am stuck as? It really gets me down sometimes. So many wrong paths taken when I was younger. Things could have been a lot different today if I'd just taken my future a little more seriously.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Miserum said:
As I get older, I wonder if I'm ever going to be okay. Is this who I am stuck as? It really gets me down sometimes. So many wrong paths taken when I was younger. Things could have been a lot different today if I'd just taken my future a little more seriously.
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I hear you bro, I have felt the pangs of regret too. I think I've learnt that it doesn't do much good to keep looking back, better to look forward.
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Miserum said:
Yeah man. I think the "jumping tracks" issue is slightly different, wherein the person interrupting is trying to change the conversation completely. That's also annoying as fuck (although if that's not what you mean, then by all means, please clarify).
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My brother does this often and my mother also does occasionally. I never realized how screwed up conversing with both of them was until I moved out and spent more time just on my own and with my in-laws. Phone conversations with my mother are alright, some days are good, but then there are some days where I'm telling her something and I'll finish my sentence and she'll just ask me a question or bring something up, completely changing the topic and not even acknowledging anything I said like it didn't even matter. It drives me insane. o_O

Conversing with my brother is a one way street. Either you talk about what he wants to talk about or be prepared to be interrupted and the conversation changed to what he wants to talk about anyways. Have both my mother and my brother in the same room and you have us talking over each other because of shitty communication skills. I often don't even talk in those situations, or if I do I always talk over my brother and give him his own medicine. He doesn't really like it and I really don't care.

But alas, because of this upbringing I find myself sometimes interrupting people without trying to, as I am horrible at reading people's social cues and timing in general of when to speak. I've gotten better over time, but it's still hard and I find myself coming off as rude. I try to apologize, but sometimes I feel so awkward and embarrassed I just shut up and listen.
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
PugofCrydee said:
View attachment 4815
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I've been wondering about this attitude. I seem to default to it. But then I wonder if part of my social awkwardness stems from "elevating" myself above others by seeing them as the out-group, where I am an in-group of one. "Why can't you think like I think, do as I do, and feel like I feel?" Like I'm some sort of moral arbiter. Maybe this attitude is warranted in specific instances. Maybe I've let the poor instances of my past shape my current default attitude--to an extreme--so even when people don't deserve to be labeled as "bastards," I label them as such from the beginning.

Maybe if I made more of an effort to see people as people, and myself as just another cog-in-the-machine of humanity, instead of defaulting them to "bastards," I wouldn't have so many issues. What kind of outcome should I expect, if I am approaching people and interacting with them like they are, by default, going to hurt me somehow? Probably a pretty fucking shitty one.
 
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PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Miserum said:
I've been wondering about this attitude. I seem to default to it. But then I wonder if part of my social awkwardness stems from "elevating" myself above others by seeing them as the out-group, where I am an in-group of one. "Why can't you think like I think, do as I do, and feel like I feel?" Like I'm some sort of moral arbiter. Maybe this attitude is warranted in specific instances. Maybe I've let the poor instances of my past shape my current default attitude--to an extreme--so even when people don't deserve to be labeled as "bastards," I label them as such from the beginning.

Maybe if I made more of an effort to see people as people, and myself as just another cog-in-the-machine of humanity, instead of defaulting them to "bastards," I wouldn't have so many issues. What kind of outcome should I expect, if I am approaching people and interacting with them like they are, by default, going to hurt me somehow? Probably a pretty fucking shitty one.
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Yea na. Sorry bro, but for over forty years I've seen people treat each other like sh!t, be self centered, knife each other in the back, exclude others on purpose, play people against each other, cut people off in traffic on purpose, bully, shame and lie to others.
No matter the culture or era. People in general are just dumb and self centered. I'm surprised the human race hasn't eliminated itself already, although we've come pretty damn close to it already.

There are some pockets of hope though, now take my hand as we sit in a circle and sing kumbaya and pray for sanity to prevail.
At the end of the day I just want people to get along and be perfect..... like me! ;)
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
theoutsider said:
I recently learned that when people are telling of a traumatic experience, it's considered rude to speak of something similar that happened to you. I didn't know this and would usually do it if I had a shared experience. I always thought it was a way of showing empathy as if to say, I know the feeling because I've experienced similar. I didn't know that many looked at it as one-upsmanship. Oh well, you learn something new everyday. I'll have to be conscientious not to do this again.
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I'm not sure if it's universally considered as rude. I think one-upmanship is in basically all situations somewhat rude (although easy to do mindlessly), but I'm not sure that's always the feeling conveyed when sharing a similar experience. I think the closest example of this I can think of is this forum, or support forums like this, when learning that you're not the only one who feels like you do or has experienced the things you have is comforting and helpful. On that same line, when the conversation starts to feel like people are comparing their experiences and trying to out-misery each other, its no longer helpful (for anyone).

I think it can be a fine line, but I wouldn't say there aren't times and places to share similar experiences.
 
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