Imhotep
Well-known member
Ah, another long thread from Imhotep I hear you say! But this one's different I hope 
. After many, many years, I think I've beaten SA to the point where no matter what happens now in a social situation, I think I can deal with it. It's been a long struggle with a single purpose in mind (finding a smokin' hot girlfriend) and on the way I've discovered a lot. Here are my tips for beating SA (in sort of the order I think you need to do them in):
1. Build up as much life experience as possible. I recommend holidays abroad on your own, which is scary in itself but extremely useful. You build up anecdotes that are both helpful and hopefully funny (one that I always trot out that gets a laugh is the time I was on holiday and ended up being the only man in a nightclub full of gay women) and can meet lots of interesting people. When talking to people back home, you'd be surprised how many times you can slip in a "there was the time I...". I realised that I feared conversation because I had nothing to say. This goes a long way to solve that. Alternatively (or additionally) do as many weird and wonderful things as possible (such as bungee jumping or learning a difficult and uncommon foreign language).
2. Take excercise. Join a gym and go, even if you don't "need" to. You'll see that few people are ultra-toned superman (or women) and become more confident. There are other social benefits, and I find working out helps my mood incredibly. Getting naked and showering with other men made me lose a lot of hang ups.
3. Read about the subject. Books that helped me enormously were: Teach Yourself Confidence and Social Skills by Paul Jenner (part of the "Teach Yourself" series of books) and How to Feel Confident and How to Make Anyone Like You by Leil Lowndes. I don't think I could have done it without them.
4. Join a Social Activity group. If you're in the UK, join SPICE: Adventure, Sports, Social Group - Spice - Spice UK National Office. You meet loads of people. I've made a couple of good friends from it. The number of singles to couples is heavily in your favour, but that should be a secondary concern.
5. Go outside your comfort zone. It really is true that the more you do something, the better you get at it. One obvious example I did was Speed Dating, the idea of which used to terrify the living piss out of me. Funnily enough, the worse you do the better your future anecdotes will be. I made my new smokin' hot girlfriend laugh on our first date by recounting a tale of awkward failure at such an event. Needless to say, we didn't meet through Speed Dating .
General tips: treat everyone well, not just people you're trying to impress. Put on a confident front, even if you don't feel it - do it often and you'll be amazed at how you start to then become confident. Be positive - see how people respond (it's pretty incredible, this one).
One final comment: while this forum can be a useful, I feel that sometimes it can be severely counter-productive when negative thoughts run wild and a sense of doom and gloom comes over everybody. I can tell you from experience that it doesn't help things.
One more final comment: Thanks and good luck to everyone I've conversed with in the past, including (but not limited to) klytus and Voltron. This is turning into an Oscar speech ::.
One last final comment: I'm going to stick around as long as this thread gets replies, and after that I'm off. If anyone wants advice or help after that you can email me at [email protected]. But hopefully, I'll be spending time with my smokin' hot girlfriend... ::
Imhotep.
x
. After many, many years, I think I've beaten SA to the point where no matter what happens now in a social situation, I think I can deal with it. It's been a long struggle with a single purpose in mind (finding a smokin' hot girlfriend) and on the way I've discovered a lot. Here are my tips for beating SA (in sort of the order I think you need to do them in):1. Build up as much life experience as possible. I recommend holidays abroad on your own, which is scary in itself but extremely useful. You build up anecdotes that are both helpful and hopefully funny (one that I always trot out that gets a laugh is the time I was on holiday and ended up being the only man in a nightclub full of gay women) and can meet lots of interesting people. When talking to people back home, you'd be surprised how many times you can slip in a "there was the time I...". I realised that I feared conversation because I had nothing to say. This goes a long way to solve that. Alternatively (or additionally) do as many weird and wonderful things as possible (such as bungee jumping or learning a difficult and uncommon foreign language).
2. Take excercise. Join a gym and go, even if you don't "need" to. You'll see that few people are ultra-toned superman (or women) and become more confident. There are other social benefits, and I find working out helps my mood incredibly. Getting naked and showering with other men made me lose a lot of hang ups.
3. Read about the subject. Books that helped me enormously were: Teach Yourself Confidence and Social Skills by Paul Jenner (part of the "Teach Yourself" series of books) and How to Feel Confident and How to Make Anyone Like You by Leil Lowndes. I don't think I could have done it without them.
4. Join a Social Activity group. If you're in the UK, join SPICE: Adventure, Sports, Social Group - Spice - Spice UK National Office. You meet loads of people. I've made a couple of good friends from it. The number of singles to couples is heavily in your favour, but that should be a secondary concern.
5. Go outside your comfort zone. It really is true that the more you do something, the better you get at it. One obvious example I did was Speed Dating, the idea of which used to terrify the living piss out of me. Funnily enough, the worse you do the better your future anecdotes will be. I made my new smokin' hot girlfriend laugh on our first date by recounting a tale of awkward failure at such an event. Needless to say, we didn't meet through Speed Dating
.General tips: treat everyone well, not just people you're trying to impress. Put on a confident front, even if you don't feel it - do it often and you'll be amazed at how you start to then become confident. Be positive - see how people respond (it's pretty incredible, this one).
One final comment: while this forum can be a useful, I feel that sometimes it can be severely counter-productive when negative thoughts run wild and a sense of doom and gloom comes over everybody. I can tell you from experience that it doesn't help things.
One more final comment: Thanks and good luck to everyone I've conversed with in the past, including (but not limited to) klytus and Voltron. This is turning into an Oscar speech :
:. One last final comment: I'm going to stick around as long as this thread gets replies, and after that I'm off. If anyone wants advice or help after that you can email me at [email protected]. But hopefully, I'll be spending time with my smokin' hot girlfriend... :
:Imhotep.
x
