Peope who say things and end up not keeping their word.

redski

redski

1
Hi brothers and sisters :)

I have always had a problem with this.
For instance when someone I know says something like:
"Hey, it was nice to see you again we should totally grab a lunch
someday or something let's exchange numbers and I will call you"

Needless to say they never call.

A few years ago I liked hearing this because I thought to myself
that it would be nice with the company.
Nowadays when I hear this I'm just think
"Well, he/she is just talking out of their ass"

This does not bother me like it used to.

Who else has had problems with this?
 
Lonelykitsune

Lonelykitsune

Well-known member
yeah,happens sometimes but somtims im a little glad they dont cos then i dont hav to worry about what to say to them
 
redski

redski

1
Thanks for the responses so far.
I guess I am too sensitive and because of SA/SP = loneliness
I would get hopeful at any chance I had to meet with people.

Nowadays I try not to care and tell myself meeting with such
flakey/undependable people is just a waste of time.
 
izzymarie

izzymarie

Active member
Maybe they're just shy. I know I always have a problem making the first move in a new friendship or relationship. Next time you see them you should make sure you reinforce that your interested in hanging out, or if your feeling really gutsy just go ahead and call them yourself. The worst that can happen is maybe they really aren't interested, but at least you will feel better knowing that you went out of your way to reach out to someone. That for anyone with social anxiety is a milestone. :)
 
E

Emily_G

Well-known member
Yeah one of my good friends is like this. It used to bother me in the begining, but now I don't mind.....I know she's flaky and that's just how she is.
 
redski

redski

1
izzymarie said:
Maybe they're just shy....
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Yes, I have called instead. The problem is "me", in the long run
because of the flakiness and unreliability I will have to
be the go getter. Frankly it gets boring "chasing" after a person.
When I stop trying it's basically the end of it. Let's say
I bump into that person again and same bs. They say
"I was expecting to hear from you".

I have actually had someone tell me this:
"Can you call me and remind me that I am suppose to call you"

I found it completely offensive.

Stuff like this just makes me feel worse about myself.
So nowadays I just do not bother with them.
 
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Mikefly

Mikefly

Well-known member
I don't like when people do that and after they do it one time to me i will ignore them, not unless they call and say they can't come or something. They atleast need to have enough dignity and respect to call and cancel or whatever, i don't deal with flakes.
 
Harleyq

Harleyq

Well-known member
Ooh...this makes me feel bad. I'm one of those people you guys don't like. It's not that I don't want to but whenever someone offers to "do something" with me and hands me their number, I'm scared to say "No" and I'm panicking so the only thing I can think of to say is "Sure!" And then I think about calling them up to do something and there goes my SA and I just never do it. If they make specific plans with me in person like "Hey, lets go to the football game Saturday" that's a different story but when someone just goes "Here's my number. Call me later and let's hang out" I can't do it. MY SA makes me scared to ask people I like if they wanna hang out cause I start worrying that they'll be surprised and think I'm weird or not like me as much as I like them or that we'll get together in person with no real plans and discover we no longer have anything to say to eachother.

When someone does that to me, I don't get mad, I end up feeling a little hurt. I start thinking there's something wrong with me and they didn't like me very much afterall.
 
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redski

redski

1
Harleyq said:
Ooh...
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Well, since of my own SA/SP I am pretty tolerant.
You could send a text message or get in touch with that person
on and IM program to make contact.

From personal experience as long as you try to keep contact
it's fine in what ever manner you do it.
 
PennyLane

PennyLane

Well-known member
Its pretty annoying if they are a good friend, but if its just an acquaintance then I think those things have become part of conversation chit chat and lost their meaning.

People say "oh we should definitely catch up sometime." The clue is in the "sometime". Its just part of chat and showing an interest.

It's a bit like when an acquaintance (not friend) says "hey, how are you" they only want the response "im good" or "im fine" not "well yesterday was really tough......etc". Its just small talk.

Thats my take anyway, so I try not to be offended :)
 
PennyLane

PennyLane

Well-known member
redski said:
Maybe I get offended to easily then. Most of the time I have
had to put up with the bs it has been from so called friends.
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Ah thats a shame its your friends. I think people just get caught up in their own busy little lives and don't realise. Try not to take it personally :)
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
Well i could say that i hate people who don't keep their word but in doing so i would be a hypocrite. I'm guilty of doing things like this.......Avoidant personality disorder sucks big time!
 
Harleyq

Harleyq

Well-known member
PennyLane said:
Its pretty annoying if they are a good friend, but if its just an acquaintance then I think those things have become part of conversation chit chat and lost their meaning.

People say "oh we should definitely catch up sometime." The clue is in the "sometime". Its just part of chat and showing an interest.

It's a bit like when an acquaintance (not friend) says "hey, how are you" they only want the response "im good" or "im fine" not "well yesterday was really tough......etc". Its just small talk.

Thats my take anyway, so I try not to be offended :)
Click to expand...

I actually enjoy when I ask people this and they elaborate. It makes me feel trustworthy, lol. I don't always know what to say if the answer isn't good, but I like to try.
 
redski

redski

1
Harleyq said:
I actually enjoy when I ask people this and they elaborate. It makes me feel trustworthy, lol. I don't always know what to say if the answer isn't good, but I like to try.
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Yes, I think this is a cultural thing. I am of different heritage then the country
I currently preside in and when I go to the "old country" and ask a person
how they are they will actually tell you how they are with all that comes with it :)
 
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