Opposite Sex

[MikeyC]

Is it possible that you worry about it more when you're talking to a woman? The boredom may just be in your head.

But if they truly do look bored, do what you do on here: asked them questions. Find out what interests you both. (Apologies if I'm being captain obvious.)

I don't feel other guys are as bored of me talking, although I try not to dominate conversation. With girls, I find I have to keep talking because if I don't they'll sit there quietly thinking how boring I am.

I went to lunch with a girl earlier this year, which she initiated, and she couldn't have been any more disinterested in my conversation if she tried. It was one of the most awkward lunches I've ever had, and I vow to never have lunch with her again. It's happening with other girls, too, and I wonder that it's me.

I can try and ask questions but then I feel like I'm bothering them. But that's not a bad idea if I can work it in to the situation. Cheers.

 

[Aletheia]

With girls, I find I have to keep talking because if I don't they'll sit there quietly thinking how boring I am.

Oh no, don't do this!

Honestly, the times I've felt most trapped at parties were when some guy (and it's always a guy) pins me in a corner going on and on and on about... whatever. He might as well be talking to the corner, he's certainly not talking to me. I end up pretending to need the rest room to get out of there. (By contrast, the silent brooding type is intriguing: he's a mystery.)

So talk with them, not at them. Remember, quiet can be sexy. And silence is not the enemy. I know a friendship is going well when we can share silences comfortably.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

 

[MikeyC]

Oh no, don't do this!

Honestly, the times I've felt most trapped at parties were when some guy (and it's always a guy) pins me in a corner going on and on and on about... whatever. He might as well be talking to the corner, he's certainly not talking to me. I end up pretending to need the rest room to get out of there. (By contrast, the silent brooding type is intriguing: he's a mystery.)

So talk with them, not at them. Remember, quiet can be sexy. And silence is not the enemy. I know a friendship is going well when we can share silences comfortably.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

Interesting view. I may have to train myself to be more quiet and see where the conversation flows, but it's difficult because I don't like silences in the conversation.

I try not to "pin" anyone to my chatting but maybe I'm doing that subconsciously? I'm not too sure.

Thanks for the reply.

 

[Aletheia]

The other thing to remember is that girls are groomed from birth to take care of people socially. She will keep the conversation going if you give her half a chance.

 

[MikeyC]

The other thing to remember is that girls are groomed from birth to take care of people socially. She will keep the conversation going if you give her half a chance.

I never feel like that's the case, especially with the girl I had lunch with, but I trust your judgment and I'll make a conscious effort to...not make too much effort.

 

[Aletheia]

Interesting view

It is just my view. I can't speak for everyone and it'd be interesting to find out what others think about this. Being an introvert, I'm hardly representative of the female populace at large. And it may not be pertinent to your case anyway, I've no idea how you come across in person.

But I find there's nothing more off-putting than a guy (or a girl) who won't stop talking, especially if it's about themselves. It may well be nerves (guys often do it on dates) but it's very difficult to engage with. And it makes them seem uninterested in me.

 

[Aletheia]

but I trust your judgment

DON'T trust my judgement. I'm only one example, and a weirdo example at that. And I do not know what actually happens when you talk to women.

But I've had more experience than I'd like of people "speaking to fill the void" and suspected that it was counter-productive to their aims. I would hate that to happen to you.

Something to think about, only.

 

[MikeyC]

It is just my view. I can't speak for everyone and it'd be interesting to find out what others think about this. Being an introvert, I'm hardly representative of the female populace at large. And it may not be pertinent to your case anyway, I've no idea how you come across in person.

But I find there's nothing more off-putting than a guy (or a girl) who won't stop talking, especially if it's about themselves. It may well be nerves (guys often do it on dates) but it's very difficult to engage with. And it makes them seem uninterested in me.

I think your view is good, though, and it's given me food for thought. I will try to talk less and try to engage them in conversation a little more. I try to do that anyway, but my own insecurities about awkward silences are too prevalent.