One-Year Plan

[vj288]

Last week

Okay, so this week is over now. A few things to talk about, first and foremost my emotional state. I started really low, and progressively got lower and lower until Friday night where just hit rock bottom. I was just laying in my bed, and really down about everything, just looking at my situation and future and everything and just wasn't doing well. I was listening to mellow mellow music, tired and not up for anything. I suddenly really wanted to hug something, and my laptop happened to be right next to me.

We then went on to cuddle for the next two hours.

I know that probably sounds a sad and pathetic, and at that time that's how I was feeling, but the next morning I looked back at it and giggled to myself. I was literally hugging my laptop, how absurd is that! I didn't feel good at the time and know that, but it is sort of funny, you have to admit.

I don't really know what switch went off in my head, but I hope to keep it on for a while. I mean how did I even let myself get so sad? I'm not sure, but my head feels at least a little clearer than it has lately.

I may be able to attribute to some things I did this week. Outside my regular schedule, I also didn't have any Dairy this week, not for any nutritional reason, just because I like to mess with things and to show myself I can do things. I drink a lot of milk and love it, but like to know I don't need it (and have control over things). Also no pizza, or desserts until weekend, so my diet was very controlled and I felt in charge.

A bigger thing I've done is limited how much time I listen to music. I love music, but listening to it 12 hours a day is just not healthy, at least not for me at this point in time. No doing it when I do homework, no listening to it when I go out, and listening to it a lot less when I'm doing other things.

First thing it does it helps me think a lot more clearly. I love music, but when I listen to it so much I get used to the sound and am not really listening, but it's still distracting. And I find when I do listen to it now I'm a lot pickier, and enjoy it a lot more than when it's always in my ears.

This also serves another purpose, it allows me to listen and observe others when I go out. I'm an observational learner, when I threw discus in high school I learned best from watching discus videos and other good throwers and trying to imitate their form. The same goes for "people" and conversation. By listening (i.e. eavesdropping) on other people I pick things up, about people and interacting and what's acceptable and what isn't. It does give me some confidence, and more so insight on sort of the world and how it works.

It does force me to appear more open, I've been asked if I have a lighter a few times this week (I don't). But that's okay, a little added stress to my life certainly won't hurt, if anything I need more of it.

Okay one final thing, this post has gotten so long, I've noticed a few other things. One, I've been going to bed before my bedtime a lot recently, which is crazy. Usually I'll stay up really late despite being tired because I'm having a good time and don't want to miss out on anything. Now it's like "I'm tired, and I'm going to bed in an hour anyway." It's great, I'm disconnecting from the internet a bit and getting my priorities in line. I'm not ashamed to say I'm addicted to the internet, and have had difficult times staying away from it. But now not only am I having an easier time doing so, while away from it I am able to focus on other things. When I'm doing my homework, I'm actually thinking about my homework. It's still a working progress, but is definitively an improvement. For a week I felt like absolute crap throughout I made some nice improvements. So much left to do though, I have to keep it up!

Clearly this is too long to add my schedule for next week, I'll do that in another post.

 

[vj288]

Oh, one last thing I have to add, before I forget.

I'm an introvert, I know that, and I think the reason I have been so tired for the last half year is because of all the "talking" I do online. It's different from socializing in person because it's more subtle AND when I end a verbal conversation it's over.

The thing with communicating through text, is I don't have to be "talking" to them for a conversation or interaction to carry on. If someone says something to me, I can get off my laptop and lay down, but still think about. Since it is just text, I can think about it when I am not reading it live and it will still feel like social interaction. So I'm not really alone when I'm alone (or with people when I'm not). By me being able to actually focus on other things it's actually waking me up, energizing me like alone time should. So when I do my homework, it's actually motivating me to more than I felt up to. Just a weird connection I made. This makes me want to separate internet and non-internet even more. Limiting my internet time and increasing the activities in my non-internet time will be the key to this, which I will certainly be able to accomplish I feel

 

[vexatiousmind]

It is very important for introverts to have time to recharge.
I love that you are working on yourself.

I tried starting a one year plan a couple of years ago. I decided to focus on one thing I did not about myself each year. That is a whole year to work on an issue!
That is extremely slow for most though

Anyway, just thought it was cool to see someone trying to improve, and actually having a plan. Good luck, and I have no doubt that you can achieve all of your goals.

 

[kilojoule]

VJ

I want to give you a hug. I'm smiling reading this, it's really great. And you're trying to make things better-I applaud you! It's not easy to change old habits. I recently discovered my ipod has been sabotaged somehow, it's like listening to Nirvana underwater I too appreciate it when I listen to it now I have my computer back having not been able to listen to it on move. Sounds better not just cos of the water thing aaaannnnyway I really look forward to reading the next entries. ps they are not too long, they are very interesting to read it's never too long while you still have something to say.

 

[MikeyC]

Great posts, VJ. I am proud of you for managing to change up some old, built-in habits. Even after feeling low all week you still managed to keep to it.

You're stronger than I'll ever be.

 

[Clara001]

I love your plan, vj. I have the same problem with overuse of internet. I spend more than 6 hours per day on the computer (often a lot more than just 6 hours), doing absolutely nothing. After seeing this thread I made myself a weekly schedule, which will hopefully get me to start working seriously on my schoolwork.
I hope your "one-year plan" works out and thanks for the unintentional encouragement you gave me.

 

[Phoenixx]

I've had times before where I've felt so low, had that lingering feeling of needing to hug something, and that's when my bear comes in handy. On my 14th birthday I got a Build-a-Bear Workshop teddy bear from my cousin. At the time I thought the gift was a little childish (because I was sooo mature then ), but I've grown to like it. It sits all alone, on my bookshelf next to my health documents in my room. But when those awful depressing moods come, I grab it and hold on to it. I've fallen asleep with it before, only to wake up the next morning feeling a little better, and then putting it back on the shelf like it was never moved.

For a few times over the past 2 weeks or so I've walked to classes without listening to music, and I've noticed not only does it force you to be more open, but you appear more open. People are more likely to talk to you, even if it's just a small statement or question. Even small things like that and being able to say a little back without feeling too anxious makes me happy.

You're doing great with all this, vj! So glad everything's working for you!

 

[vj288]

Thanks everyone for your comments, and I'm so glad that my posts have had a positive effect on people! In making these posts I my intentions were a bit more self-oriented, in that I wanted to keep myself honest and see my own progression, but am very glad you are enjoying them. Clara001, that's great you're going to make one! If I can do it, you definitely can! I'm not really as strong as MikeyC claims, it just takes some time and planning!

Okay this weeks schedule, here is is. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qqjilvKlu7X1mF66VMOhJYmzVZG9k-l1Tmpt_lnRiUg/edit

A few things about it. First, I have going down to an inn to apply for a housekeeping job tomorrow. It's a two hour walk there (6 miles) and back, which is a long time so I'm not sure if I will follow through with it. I recognize I'm not willing to learn how to take the bus, at least on such short notice, so I'm not complaining about the distance, I wouldn't mind the walk. It's just a huge chunk of time, and I'm not sure if were to get the job if walking 2 hours in the Vermont winter is really realistic. Plus I just got assigned a 5 page paper so I could really use that 4 hours.

Okay, so that's the logic half. As far as going and talking to the guy (or girl, I profiled as a guy from email though), I'm terrified. I haven't talked to a new person in a very long time, and I'm really out of practice. Most likely if I could force myself to go it would be quick and painless, no more than a half hour there. I'd have two hours to think about what I would say, so that wouldn't be a worry ::. I haven't decided yet, and I really want to go, even if the hours won't line up with my schedule, but it's just so easy for me to talk myself out of it, with the homework and distance. I am in dire need of a job though, I have 5 weeks to find one which isn't that long. I have the rest of today to make up my mind about that.

The other big thing about this week is on Saturday morning I'm planning on going to the library to read. I know it's not very busy at the time, since the night before normal people are out partying and whatnot. To do it though, I'm going to have to go to the third floor of the library where I have never been before. With me, the less I know about a situation the more uncomfortable and nervous I get about it. I have it planned in my head, and I once I get my book (I want to read the Picture of Dorian Grey) and find a seat I think I'll be fine. I mean this shouldn't be too big a deal. I'll be a little uneasy getting my feel for the place, and finding my book/putting book where it is supposed to go after will be a little rush .

Reading is good, I always hate to start but once I get a few pages in I can't put a book down (well, good books : I could take the book out and bring it home, but I don't want to worry about the process of taking it out of worrying about how to return it. Baby steps, no need to rush things.

Last week the stretching did not work out, dropped that. Replaced it with sit-ups, which I don't mind as much. I'm starting with an easy number (20). As far as calisthenics sit ups have always been my favorite and come easiest to me. (I learned this morning my floor is really hard though! I'll have to use my blanket to protect my boney hips ).

Also going to continue the lyrics. Last week it went well, I did my favorite songs that that I thought would be good lyrics. (Round Here, Californication, Breathe (2 AM), Nobody's Home, Breathe Me, and If I know You) This week I'm going to be more systematic about it, going to just go down one album, Nerina Pallot's "Frustrated Superstar." Not sure why I didn't pick Anna Nalick's "Wreck of the Day," there'll be plenty of time for that though.

Don't think I forgot anything this time, next weeks schedule is going to probably involve time at home for thanksgiving, can't believe how quickly the schedule flew by!

 

[Phoenixx]

Two hour walk for a job? Maybe I'm just lazy, but I could never do that. I'd say go for it if you want a challenge! And you are pretty desperate for a job, but would it be worth the pay?

Oh I love going to the library to read. I haven't done it in a couple weeks, but I usually go at night. Surprisingly my library isn't busy at all after 7pm, so that's when I normally go. I actually have my own little spot there when I read. :: I go into the 'Children's Books' section, and off to the left away from the computer lab is this large walk in with couches and bean bag chairs on each end, and a whole row of comfy chairs in the middle. I always pick the couch in the corner on the left. Out of sight and hardly anyone goes in there, so it's like I have the whole entire room to myself. Perfect spot.

Good luck with the workouts. I used to do something similar to what you're doing a few years ago. I would do a certain number of sit-ups and push-ups every morning and night. It actually made me feel good for a while, but of course I had no willpower to keep up with it. I do yoga twice a week now (only because I have it as a class), and that's really nice, but I'm too lazy to actually do it more than twice a week. Perhaps I should be making some minor changes as well.

 

[vj288]

Yeah I know the 2 hour walk is crazy but really I have little better to do anyway, and I don't think it would kill me to get a little more exercise, walking burns as many calories as running so it would be like running a half marathon everyday I had work (if I would to get it).

Something came up earlier though that has thrown my whole plan into a mess: New roommate.

He showed up at my door to introduce himself and say he was moving in. I've been having a hard time thinking about anything but since, I gave up trying to do any of my homework.

I did not see this coming at all, I knew at any time I could have get one but I figured at this point of the semester no one would switch until after winter break. Guess not.

I'm going to do my best to make this a good situation, for us both! I know I'm far from the ideal roommate, I felt so bad being so standoffish to my first one, causing him to quickly switch rooms and giving me a single for so long.

I'm going to try really hard to talk to him when he talks to me, and say what I can when he is around. Friendly and smiley too, because I want to hear what he has to say! It's going to take a tremendous effort by me, my conversational skills are very poor. When he came in today, he introduced himself and said his name, and I forgot to say mine back! Just sort of said okay nice to meet you (I did tell him later once I realized, it was out of context though). I'll have to be much more conscious about social cues and things like that. If he asks how my day was, I ask him back how his was! That's how it works.

One thing that is eating at my self esteem though is the dreaded "What do you like to do for fun/what are you hobbies interests?" question. I have no answer for this, and it makes me feel like the biggest loser in the world. I mean look at my schedule, I don't do anything fun! And I can't say nothing either, that would be even worse! I said reading when my last roommate asked, and he gave me a "really? you must be joking" look when I did. And while I do like reading I don't do it that much, I just need an answer for this damn question! The joys of microscopic self-esteem, eh? Maybe he won't ask.

This will effect my schedule, but I'm going to try to stay as close to it as I can. Sit-ups may be cut out as I don't like doing them while he's right there. Going to bed on time will be harder, I struggled last year to go before my roommate because of the whole light/goodnight exchange, I dread that (especially on weekends, I feel uncool going to bed before 1 am). My whatever time will be compromised, and I will have to be more flexible depending on his school schedule. I'll plan to spend lots more time in the library, as to not be in my room all the time. I don't even know the guy and I already seem to care what he thinks, not a bad thing though. Getting out of my room should not be frowned upon.

I have lost my comfort zone though, being in my room will be far different now. I'm not going to let this stop me though, when opportunity knocks, first hope it leaves, and then when it forces itself into your room embrace it!

 

[Phoenixx]

Oh wow. Your college didn't even notify you that you'd be getting a roommate? I'm not sure if mine would either, but I'd certainly would like a warning before someone shows up at my door and just moves in (if I had a single room that is). Ah, I sound rude, but new roommates make me nervous, as I'm sure you are.

Don't beat yourself up over the introduction. Just a couple weeks ago, when I met my roommate's sorority "sisters," one of them surprised me by coming up to me, holding out their hand and saying with a smile, "Hi, I'm xxxx." I almost froze, but managed to shake their hand and say hi. It wasn't until after shaking their hand I realized I never said my name, so of course I did, because it was polite to do so. I was nervous as hell, but happy I did it.

Try to make the best of it, definitely! My roommate and I, after a not-so-good month in the beginning, are on good terms now. While I still have days where I can't bring myself to say more than two sentences to her, I am conversing with her more. I still feel extremely awkward eating around her, and even more awkward on the days where she spends most of the day in the dorm. It's on those days where I try to go to the library for a bit just to have space.

I'm sure he'll ask what your hobbies/interests are, but try not to stress over it. Go ahead and say you like reading. Your last roommate seemed a bit rude to give such a look. This roommate probably won't be like your last one. He might even like reading too, so there's something you two may have in common. Common interests always make conversations go a bit smoother. He might even be a Fiona Apple fan like you! That's when you can show him your collection of Fiona Apple memorabilia. :: (I kid)

Have some patience with yourself when it comes to socializing. It has taken me about 2 months to hold more than one conversation a day with my roommate, and that doesn't even happen every day. It's hard, but go ahead and reward yourself when you manage to do so. Even if it's just treating yourself to.. I don't know, in your case, listening to more music? I tend to reward myself with chocolate, or a soda, or pretty much any junk food I can have. Heck even just thinking, "Yay! I did it!" is a reward in itself.

Good luck with your new roommate, vj! Let us know how it goes.

 

[monkeyman]

Hey vj288. This is my first post as I signed up here mostly just to reply to this thread for now. I have social anxiety and have read this forum quite a bit over the last few years but have never joined.

Anyway I like planning and scheduling a lot and was motivated by how you are trying to improve your life so I wanted to offer some advice just about that in case it can help. I've done exactly what you are doing by trying to schedule my time, set goals, and improve my life. The biggest thing I'd say is keep doing what you are doing and thinking of what works and what doesn't. You seem like you like scheduling your time so as long as you keep learning you'll find new tricks and better ways to actually follow through with your plans. Don't let setbacks get you down, and that includes losing interest and not following your plan sometimes. The flip side to that is to feel happy and reward yourself when you do follow through with something.

A couple good books for self improvement and planning are Getting Things Done by David Allen and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. And you could read articles from a couple great websites, zenhabits.net and pickthebrain.com. Good luck. You are definitely on the right track and you will improve yourself if you stay as dedicated as you are.

General Tips
- Focus on creating habits. Probably the best tip I can give. Try and keep your schedule consistent with weekly routines and especially by creating daily habits or time blocks.
- Keep it simple. The simpler it is to make and follow your schedule the more chance you will continue using it and the more focused you will be on what really matters to get done.
- Make a separate task list. Make a task list of specific things to do which is separate from your main schedule or calendar. Things on a task list or a goal list should be one time tasks that you can check or cross off when you are done them.
- Create monthly and weekly goals instead of yearly ones. It's great to hope that in a year we'll be much improved but I think we need to focus on a few specific goals in the short term to improve ourselves in the long term. This is basically what you have realized and are doing already, but at some point you could add specific goals to your plan.

Scheduling Tips
1) Make a separate task list for any one time tasks or projects. Prioritize it by moving items up and down the list.
2) Make a separate habit list for daily scheduled habits.
3) Make your calendar or schedule just for single events, recurring weekly events, and reminders.
4) Maybe separate your task list into today, tomorrow, and someday. Task lists can get more complicated and you could start making separate task lists for goals, wishlist, someday, or even separate lists for different types or projects such as homework, lyrics, etc.
5) Maybe separate your habit list into habits, thoughts, and schedule.
6) Maybe make a separate list of goals. Goals are similar to tasks in that they can be checked off when done. However they are bigger and often involve multiple steps. You could put projects to complete on this list or maybe even make an additional projects list for smaller projects.

---------------

TASK LIST

Today
- Read chapter 15 of book
- Say hi to someone at the bus stop

Tomorrow
- Write two paragraphs of lyrics
- Say hi to someone at the bus stop

Someday
- Task 1
- Task 2
- Task 3
- Task 4
- etc
- etc

-----------------

HABIT LIST

Habits
- Eat dinner at 6:00pm every night.
- No chatting after 11:00pm.
- Turn music off when studying.

Thoughts
- I will overcome social anxiety and be free.
- I'm fine just as I am even though I get nervous.

Schedule
- 7:00am- Wake up, Shower
- 7:30am - Breakfast
- 9:30am - Classes
- 12:00pm - Lunch
- 1:00pm - Classes
- 4:00pm - SA Exposures
- 6:00pm - Dinner
- 7:00pm - Studying
- 9:00pm - Free Time
- 12:00am - Go to bed

--------------

CALENDAR
- Tuesdays - 5:00pm-6:00pm - Lyrics
- Wednesdays - 8:00am-9:30am - Biology class
- Thursdays - 6:00pm-8:00pm - Studying
- Friday - November 11th - 1:00pm - Reminder to send birthday card
- Monday - November 14th - 12:00pm - Biology report deadline
- Sundays - 1:00pm-3:00pm - Social anxiety exposures

--------------

GOALS LIST

Now
- Finish biology report
- Say hi to someone at bus stop just once

Someday
- Get and go to an interview
- Finish reading book for English class
- Write 50 pages of lyrics
- Go to a movie by myself
- etc
- etc

 

[vj288]

Wow, thank you so much monkeyman, that post was incredibly helpful. I have been struggling to incorporate the intangibles, thoughts and habits, into my routine and making a thoughts and habits list is a great idea which I will definitely start doing.

And you're spot on about forming habits, my routine in the earlier part of the day has been much more consistent and unsurprisingly I have have more success sticking to that schedule than later in the day.

I love the way you set the task list up as well. So far I haven't separated things out very much, and it does get complicated, and by separating and prioritizing my task list, and well as other aspects of my schedule, I think I will have better success in the future.

Again thank you so much for this, and I will make sure to look at those books and websites you linked.

 

[Clara001]

One thing that is eating at my self esteem though is the dreaded "What do you like to do for fun/what are you hobbies interests?" question. I have no answer for this, and it makes me feel like the biggest loser in the world. I mean look at my schedule, I don't do anything fun! And I can't say nothing either, that would be even worse! I said reading when my last roommate asked, and he gave me a "really? you must be joking" look when I did. And while I do like reading I don't do it that much, I just need an answer for this damn question! The joys of microscopic self-esteem, eh? Maybe he won't ask.

This is so me. Everybody's into something and then there's me, with no "interesting interests" whatsoever. This problem came to the fore when I started college and "meeting people". When I answer I like films and reading, people just give me the "are you serious" look. Once I was talking to a guy who practices volleyball (he trains everyday!) and when I started talking about movies he said I should study something related with movies - that I should become a director or an actress or something like that. Really?? Just because I like movies I should become a director? Or even worse, an actress? After that I didn't even bring up the reading part, because I already knew what his response would be like.

 

[monkeyman]

Hey. You're welcome. If you even just made a separate task list to go along with your schedule I think it could help you focus on what specifically you want to do each day since you have mapped out your main schedule already. Then when you have something scheduled you go to your task list for the specific things to do. Like I said it's keeping it simple, staying focused on what really matters, and creating habits, so if the schedule you are doing is working just forget about all my suggestions and keep doing what is working or focusing on just that for now. Best not to change too many things at once maybe, but just ideas of things to try.

I didn't read all of this thread but regarding your roomate I really like how you said you aren't going to let that stop you from what you are doing. Great attitude! Stuff always comes up in life to throw us off course. And things will throw us off course and slow us down sometimes but I think as long as we have it set in our minds that nothing is going to stop us that we will be able to improve and reach our goals.

Here is one idea of how to handle the hobbies question, or really any question you don't want to answer. First of all, I understand if doing what I suggest just isn't possible at all as it's not easy for us with social anxiety. But it's something to think about to try in the future if you don't think you could do it now.

Anyway, for any question you don't want to answer you can think of a few funny things to say. For many people this is like an accepted way to tell people you don't want to answer their question. They might just not ask again especially if you do it a couple different times to the same question. Plus, since all of us with social anxiety aren't relaxed enough to be funny it can kill two birds with one stone and show you at least have a sense of humour even if you don't share interests with them.

What do you like to do for fun?
- I like skydiving but I'm scared of heights so it hasn't worked too well.
- I like long walks by the ocean, candlelight dinners, and writing lyrics.

What are you doing this weekend?
- I'm going to try and become a bear and hibernate all weekend.
- Nothing big. Just making my master plan to conquer the world.

And if they ask again and you get comfortable enough with doing this you can smile and say. "No really. I'm becoming a bear." Or "Well step one in my plan will be to get some time alone so I can write my plan". It won't always work, but they might get the hint that you prefer not to be asked if you make a joke about it and don't answer a couple times.

Anyway, the big key I think for us is just to not stress or be anxious inside our heads. Usually the things we worry about aren't a big deal if we could just get it straight in our mind to not worry about them. So by planning to make a joke about some question that you are anxious about being asked, for me it's also been kind of like I tell myself who cares and it's not a big deal. Who cares if I don't have any hobbies. Who cares if this one person thinks I'm boring because I prefer writing lyrics instead partying. Him asking this question isn't a big deal and I can just make a joke about it since I don't really want to answer it and it's not a big deal anyway.

 

[Feathers]

Hey Monkeyman, I like your advice too, especially about the funny answers!! hehe

vj, I'm pretty sure you could be a 'natural' at that! hehe

You do have hobbies!! Reading AND music AND sports (might be in the past/on hold, but people say they like 'sports' even if they just WATCH them!!), AND the internet etc. AND writing (might wanna communicate this later on tho, some people 'get' the writing stuff, some don't, my flatmates enjoyed getting songs for birthdays/special occasions though I never mentioned it in advance..)
Come to think of it, no roommate asked me about hobbies in advance, hm? (At least I don't remember..) They just see it as you go along...

Some people may not have had m/any hobbies in their youth, but acquired them gradually (for example my cousin, she didn't know what to list as her 'hobbies', we took her hiking, and now she loves it, took her to the opera, she loved it too... etc.)

Basically by living life and exploring possibilities you find things you may like enough you want to repeat: voila, hobbies!

I know a guy who read one book in his life, almost. (He still hasn't managed to return it to library, after xyz years.) Many people don't read at all, and since you're kinda athletic, maybe your roomate was just surprised... (or he doesn't like reading books...)
Some people can be naturally bookish, some not... Or may later learn to appreciate reading.. (or be extremely bored at times, trust me, I know what I'm talking about)

Usually for roomates the biggest concern is, if they like to go out, 'Can we go partying together?' or if they like to study, 'Can there be peace when I want to study/compatible lifestyles...' (eg won't s/he have too many people over too many times, especially before exams) appreciated levels of hygiene and boundaries are also things to keep in mind... hobbies, well, that's more important if eg you were a drummer or tuba player who'd play all night...
If he asks you, you can eg say, 'Don't worry, I'm not a tuba player' or such.. ) and then ask about his hobbies, and once you know what he likes, you can tell, 'Yeah I like _______ too,' it's way easier...

I really liked 98% of all my roommates and wishing you to find that living with a roommate can be really a good experience and sometimes really FUN too!! Some taught me a lot about how to be communicative and more sociable, or about topics they were studying/interested in, places where they lived, any specific foods etc...
(my sis had a terrible 1st roomate and then 2 really great roommates she went along with fabulously!!)

So, fingers crossed all goes well!!

 

[vj288]

Thanks for the advice about the roommate all. He still hasn't come back yet which is a bit peculiar. Saying lines and making jokes aren't the easiest thing for me, I don't really have the execution to make them hit. I'll can say lighthearted things and laugh after them but jokes and "lines" are things I'm not great with. I'll keep it in mind for the future though. I think I'll end up staying as ambiguous as I can, I may end up saying sports without getting really specific (I've used that before, thanks for the reminder feathers ). I'd love to take this opportunity to open up a little more to people, I'm going to take it slow though. At the very least not paint myself into corners like I usually do. (saying the opposite of what I mean to avoid topics)

This week has been an utter mess though, I have done a very poor job following my schedule this week. Getting a new roommate has left me on edge, but I'm not going to give it credit for this, I'll take the blame. I saw the opportunity to slack off and took it, which I will not stand next week at all, or tomorrow (or today). There's no reason why I stayed up past my bed time or ate more than I planned to or didn't do homework when I said I would. These are the bumps in the road I worry about, allowing myself to get off track. It's okay though, I'll be fine. I think I may end up making 2 schedules next week, one for if my roommate shows up and one for if he does not, because what I can do when will depend on this.

I did read today though, which was great! I couldn't find any comfy places to sit, and I was reminded of how slow a reader I am, but it was very good! My brain felt better, working more than usual. It was a good use of 3 hours.

 

[vj288]

Blah okay! Quick word about this last week, to be blunt I did a horrible job. It's okay, I knew it wasn't always going to be perfect and not letting this break down everything is important. One huge thing I can take from it is confirmation that spending too much time on the computer has a very negative effect on me. There's a point where my brain/head tells me "ouch get off the computer now you're hurting me," and when I don't it makes doing other things difficult, or thinking straight at all. I have less control and am waaay more tired.

I also overate many times and didn't drink as much water as I had been, which I also think had an impact. I didn't do lyrics at all this week and sit-ups twice. I did stick to my morning and right after class routine, but after that I winged it all, and when I don't follow a plan I just spend endless hours wasting away on the internet.



So this weeks schedule I will put up when I have planned out the weekend, which will depend on when my mom comes to pick me up for thanksgiving break. This week though, simpler than last week a lot. I need to get back into a groove and catch up before I can try to change things. I'm anxiously awaiting the vacation, so these next 5 days are going to crawl on. The challenge of this week will be writing a paper for one of my classes I really do not want to do. I'm going to have to type it on my laptop which is extremely distracting. I've planned lots of time to work on it, and the sooner I finish it the more relaxed I can be for the rest of the week. I have incentive to finish it before the last minute because in that free time I would be able to spend online instead, which I'd rather.

I'm planning on my roommate not showing up until after thanksgiving break, but I will improvise if he comes before that. NOT so much so that my schedule is thrown totally out of whack. May work on my paper in the library, may switch times of things depending on when he's in the room. That's all for now, unless I'm forgetting something which I always seem to do

 

[MikeyC]

There's no shame in not sticking to a plan, vj. You still managed to do some of it, which is still an achievement. You're basically training your body away from natural habits like the internet. It's a tough routine to break free from but I have all the confidence in the world that you'll make it happen!

 

[vj288]

There's no shame in not sticking to a plan, vj. You still managed to do some of it, which is still an achievement. You're basically training your body away from natural habits like the internet. It's a tough routine to break free from but I have all the confidence in the world that you'll make it happen!

I took the positives away from the week but I want to hold myself accountable and not call it an achievement. I don't want myself to think it's okay to slack off and not follow, otherwise I always will. I'm not a huge fan of myself as a person and I don't have the strongest internal drive to make good things happen for myself. I know that's the goal of the schedule, but I'm able to trick myself into making the goal following the schedule and my other lists. I walk a fine line and because of it things have to be done and thought of a certain way or the whole system will collapse.