On the subject of dating...

[I_Lucas]

There's probably dozens of these threads (I don't have the patience to check each one). I'd figure I'd toss my proverbial hat into the ring.

Dating. What can I say?

I don't do it. Should that surprise any of you? I hope not.

I hate the idea of dating: the awkwardness, the desperate search for commonalities, and the urge to be comical in order to break the dreaded ice.

I don't date for two primary reasons:

1. I hate talking
2. I hate dancing

Both activities seem to be inevitable in the dating realm. But I needn't worry. Thankfully, I don't have any good boyfriend qualities (I'm unemployed, neurotic, and physically unattractive). I have it all.

I didn't date in junior high, senior high, or the four agonizing years of college afterward. So far, my post-grad years have been date-free and I intend to keep it that way.

Is anyone else out there with anti-dating views?

 

[Minty]

If I didn't have AvPD holding me back I would just make a lot of friends and hopefully one of my male friendships would blossom into something more. I would let it take off naturally, because that means you REALLY like each other opposed to forcing it.

Dating--it's a weird concept to me.

When you start the process, you don't know the other person that well and you're learning if you're compatible with them. Most of the time, you simply aren't because it's rare when two people are compatible in that way. Despite that, the person who gets dumped gets hurt even though it was unlikely from the get-go. If you start out as friends and it doesn't blossom into something more, no one gets hurt.

 

[Kiwong]

I'm trying to be open to living more, whatever the possibilities.

 

[R3K]

I'm kinda lucky in that the past year I've met and sort of dated 4 different girls. Each experience went horribly and ended up with me being brushed off into the dreaded friend-zone. When i think back over the experiences i'm like--wow how did i even think i had a chance with those girls.

But on the other hand, i kind of like the adventure aspect of meeting new girls, even if i know i suck at dating and probably won't hold their interest for more than a week or two. getting dumped or brushed off into the friend department is the worst crap ever, but the feeling of scoring a girl's phone number and a date/hangout with them surpasses that for me, but just barely.

 

[dragonoth]

It's fine if you don't wanna date. IMO it's kinda dumb and awkward as you say. But at the same time that doesn't mean you should give up on yourself in finding love. You'd also be taking away the girls' chances of getting to know you - that would be a waste. If you stay away from girls cos you think you're not good enough or whatever, then it's only gonna reenforce those negative feelings

 

[I_Lucas]

Oh, don't misunderstand me everybody. My negative self-view isn't as bad as some of you might think. I merely stated that I don't have 'good boyfriend qualities' (you know those impossible god-like standards some women have for us mortal men).

It's nice that there are those members of the opposing (oops, I mean opposite) gender who don't like dating either. I hate when people try to pressure me into it. I snap at them when they try. It's great. Nobody dare does it to me now.

Besides, I am an introvert (and pretty proud of it). My imagination has always my greatest companion (at and times my worst enemy). It's kept me alive, really.

 

[dragonoth]

So you're not actually closing yourself out to the possibility of finding someone worthwhile? You're just anti-dating?

 

[JamesSmith]

There's probably dozens of these threads (I don't have the patience to check each one). I'd figure I'd toss my proverbial hat into the ring.

Dating. What can I say?

I don't do it. Should that surprise any of you? I hope not.

I hate the idea of dating: the awkwardness, the desperate search for commonalities, and the urge to be comical in order to break the dreaded ice.

I don't date for two primary reasons:

1. I hate talking
2. I hate dancing

Both activities seem to be inevitable in the dating realm. But I needn't worry. Thankfully, I don't have any good boyfriend qualities (I'm unemployed, neurotic, and physically unattractive). I have it all.

I didn't date in junior high, senior high, or the four agonizing years of college afterward. So far, my post-grad years have been date-free and I intend to keep it that way.

Is anyone else out there with anti-dating views?

I've got a few questions for you. It sounds like you've never been on a date. Have you ever been on one? And has your date-free time been by choice? Have you ever turned anyone down? I believe you have become against dating over time because you are angry. Deep down, you aren't really against dating. If some attractive women asked you out on a serious date, you'd say yes, almost any single guy would. I believe you are totally against dating because you are using this as an excuse to give up.

As for the dancing, how is that on that list of two things? I've been on dates before, and not one of them consisted of dancing. But as for the talking, that's what the whole date consists of, I agree with you there.

Here's a quote that I thought was very negative that you wrote:
I hate the idea of dating: the awkwardness, the desperate search for commonalities, and the urge to be comical in order to break the dreaded ice.

What makes you so sure every date you go on will be awkward? Especially considering you haven't been on a date before? I have SAD, yet the dates I went on weren't awkward. If the girl is comfortable and talks enough, then you'll be too busy talking about stuff for it to be awkward. As for finding stuff in common, who's to say that is a "desperate" search? Commonalities come up when all you do is agree with something the other person says. And as for being comical, don't worry about that. You have this idea in your head that you have to be this superstar when in reality all the woman wants is to get to know the real you. Trust me, there are plenty of guys who aren't funny that have g/fs, you don't have to be funny to break the ice.

 

[thewiz]

I'm going to have to disagree. Dating could be fun, and if it's not, it's a good story to tell regarding "mistakes". If you're worried about not being able to meet a significant other, you should look around -- so many people, so many different, odd people come together. Next time you're walking down a busy street, take notice of who has someone on their arm. Sometimes the couple could be the most adorable couple ever but often times you will find that even the people you would never expect have someone.

Sometimes I would feel the same way and oppose anything in regards to dating but as times passes, I realize I was just caught up in another "self-loathing, depressive" state. In the end, we all somewhere deep down inside, want and seek companionship.

 

[JamesSmith]

Both activities seem to be inevitable in the dating realm. But I needn't worry. Thankfully, I don't have any good boyfriend qualities (I'm unemployed, neurotic, and physically unattractive). I have it all.
?

Here is where I totally get where you are coming from and you have a good point, and that point is depressing but true. Being unemployed definitely matters, I too am unemployed right now. I'd go as far to say that if you are unemployed, maybe throughout that time that you are unemployed dating might not be a great idea. Not many women want to get with a bum. Women tend to look into the future more than men do, and if a guy isn't working now, that tells them that down the road when maybe they want to move in with him or even have kids, that the guy is undependable and a waste of their time. Unemployment is the worst thing you could have wrong with you in the dating world if you are a guy. Contrary to when women say they don't care much about money, believe me, they do care about money. You have to be able to show them you have a future and being unemployed means you don't have a future in their eyes, unless you are going to college or something like that, then they could cut you slack.

And if you are neurotic, that also is a bad quality. I myself have SAD, and that usually doesn't help me, unless of course the girl is shy herself and can relate, then it could help, but most women aren't SA, so odds aren't in your favor there. But there are still women that are willing to date guys who are neurotic, so you can't just say it's a bad quality that is destined to fail because it's not. But you're right that it sure doesn't help much.

You say you are physically unattractive, that is your opinion, and women may have a different opinion. Realistically, looks matter of course. A great looking guy could be a self-centered, terrible listener and still be able to beat women off with a stick, some guys just have that aura and appearance. You should watch the episode of House where House, Wilson and Chase do a speed dating thing, and Chase purposely acts like a jerk the entire time and still pulls double or triple the numbers that house and wilson do. But, looks aren't nearly important for men as they are for women to have looks, so don't feel too bad. I'm not sure in what way you think you are unattractive, but if you are overweight you can jog that weight off which helps your appearance considerably. Also, clothes matter, and can make you look more attractive as well, or a different hair style. You could lift weights too, women like a guy that works out. Wow, i've really rambled on, I guess i just like discussing this kind of stuff. Get back to me if you want to discuss this some more. I will tell you that talking is more important than looks with men trying to get women.

 

[AGR]

I hate all,its like a toy,once they get bored with or find a better one they throw away,buy a new one,cheat,I refuse to do this,can criticize me all they want,mindless zombies....

 

[JamesSmith]

I hate all,its like a toy,once they get bored with or find a better one they throw away,buy a new one,cheat,I refuse to do this,can criticize me all they want,mindless zombies....

Men cheat more than women do, and they also can treat women like toys and get bored and go with the better one. I think it goes both ways in that aspect.

 

[AGR]

Men cheat more than women do, and they also can treat women like toys and get bored and go with the better one. I think it goes both ways in that aspect.

Yes I am talking about people,but I would like to hear more about Men cheat more than women do,to me it looks about the same.

 

[JamesSmith]

Yes I am talking about people,but I would like to hear more about Men cheat more than women do,to me it looks about the same.

Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were just talking about women. Yes, many people hop from relationship to relationship like it's nothing. I don't know how they do that, nor do I understand it.

 

[lurknomore]

I don't date. Not because I'm opposed to the idea, but simply because I never meet anyone with an inclination to ask me.

 

[Kiwong]

(you know those impossible god-like standards some women have for us mortal men).

I don't think this is true at all. There are women who are very tolerant and and kind. Perhaps you are looking at the wrong people, turn your attention elsewhere, most people are good.

And talking is fun, if you can talk with people about things you are similarly interested in.

 

[coyote]

^more reputation points for this user

 

[JamesSmith]

I don't think this is true at all. There are women who are very tolerant and and kind. Perhaps you are looking at the wrong people, turn your attention elsewhere, most people are good.

And talking is fun, if you can talk with people about things you are similarly interested in.

I'm going to actually agree with this for the most part. The notion that women need this perfect guy is far from the truth. A funny quote from Two and Half Men reads, "It turns out the only requirement for online dating is a penis and a job." I started busting out laughing when I heard that. To expand on that quote, he means a full-time job, and it sure helps to have friends and you'd have to be able to communicate with the woman and other people. But yeah, if women were looking for some superhuman superman, then there would practically never be marriages or relationships. Everyone has imperfections, that's what makes us all different.

 

[dragonoth]

To those who say they are unemployed and therefore aren't dating-material - well then, why not become employed for a change?

 

[SonicMan]

If I had more confidence I would like to go on dates. I think it could be fun and great for my social skills.