Not worth defending myself

sahxox

sahxox

Well-known member
Ever feel that you're worthless? Not worth defending your beliefs/actions, so you die inside and become a zombie, bouncing off people and their reactions? No-one else gives a shit. I justify my worthlessness by telling myself I can't perform socially... it's almost a sadistic pride in ditching myself and giving me reason to feel miserable. Definitely a mental impairement. I can do anything, but I also can't do anything, because I never support myself unless my hypersensitive radar declares that it is ok with everyone else. It is biased in the favour of negativity.
Reverse pedestal. Walking around dead basically, in a zone out of reach of everything except even slight negativity, which is construed into a demonic cloud that creeps into all aspects of my life. Whether it be chilling at home, serving at work, being with new people, I can feel completely worthless all of a sudden if I think about it. Then I justify this negativity by saying that I deserve no better.
I hate myself for no reason at all, which intensifies the hate because it is so unnecessary.
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
I don't think I can relate as I never feel worthless. The only times I really feel like it's not worth defending myself is when I'm really tired and just can't work up the effort or if I know I'm talking to a really narrow minded and stubborn person(s). In that case I just feel like I would be wasting my breath. I've done it before; defended myself until I was blue in the face only to have someone who has already made up their mind about you go happily about their business just as if you never uttered a word.
 
L

laure15

Well-known member
I can relate. I have times when I feel so worthless and useless that I don't defend myself, even from aggressive attacks from people who were blatantly misguided. I just let them hammer me down into a pulp. Bullies targeted me perhaps for this reason. I think the way I was raised and my personality were factors. I have a sibling who's particularly caustic and thinks she's almost always right. Arguing with her is like arguing with a wall. Not to mention I also have sadistic tendencies. Growing up, I've been raised to be humble and avoid pride but I probably took it too far. I developed a sense of extreme humility that makes me look like a total doormat.
 
Tian_Tian

Tian_Tian

Member
Sweet heart, no need to defend yourself to ANYONE. Look how many of us are on this site, you're not alone. We have been given the gift of life....you must find out what makes you happy and do it. “Be still, and go on to bed. Nobody knows what lies ahead. Life is short to say the least; we’re in the belly of the beast. Be still, wild and young, long may your innocence reign. Like shells on the shore, may your limits be unknown and may your efforts be your own. If you ever feel you can’t take it anymore, don’t break character, you’ve got a lot of heart! Is this real or just a dream? Rise up like the sun, labor till the work is done. Be still, one day you’ll leave fearlessness on your sleeve. Steady and straight. If they drag you through the mud it doesn’t change what’s in your blood. When they knock you down, don’t break character”. In other words, learn to love yourself; nothing else matters until you have accomplished this. Be the "you" you've always wanted to be, and no matter what, "don't break character". There are many people who enjoy bringing others down...but, keep in mind, they're just as scared and hurt, like you and me...the only difference is...they can hide it* ("Be Still" lyrics by The Killers. See? They are international stars and yet, they sing about what you and I feel...they're human too.)
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
sahxox said:
Ever feel that you're worthless? Not worth defending your beliefs/actions, so you die inside and become a zombie, bouncing off people and their reactions? No-one else gives a shit. I justify my worthlessness by telling myself I can't perform socially... it's almost a sadistic pride in ditching myself and giving me reason to feel miserable. Definitely a mental impairement. I can do anything, but I also can't do anything, because I never support myself unless my hypersensitive radar declares that it is ok with everyone else. It is biased in the favour of negativity.
Reverse pedestal. Walking around dead basically, in a zone out of reach of everything except even slight negativity, which is construed into a demonic cloud that creeps into all aspects of my life. Whether it be chilling at home, serving at work, being with new people, I can feel completely worthless all of a sudden if I think about it. Then I justify this negativity by saying that I deserve no better.
I hate myself for no reason at all, which intensifies the hate because it is so unnecessary.
Click to expand...
:eek: WHY? ......:no: Don't think like that. it's not doin any good. learn to love yourself and be your best friend. and that is not the way a best friend would think about herself, uh uh.
 
Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
I'll be your white knight, ready to joust with anyone who dares question your abilities.

You can perform socially and you do belong. If anyone says otherwise, get me on the horn, and I'll be there.
 
Biev

Biev

Well-known member
I understand the "walking around dead" feeling. Lucky for me, that feeling disappeared the second I moved out of my parents' house.
 
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