Not sure how I "come off"

xDreamseller

xDreamseller

Well-known member
I've always known that I appear to people, differently than how I think I actually am in my head because of my shyness. Tonight, that was re-affirmed after work. My shift had just finished and my dad had asked me to bring cigarettes home for him. I asked to buy them and straight away, all my co-workers burst out with "holy sh#t, you smoke?!?!?", as if it was inconceivable that I would do such a thing. The same response as when they found out I don't go to church and I drink.

I feel like people think of me as this: Carlton Banks

Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with people like that and truth be told, it does work in my favor at times. Most people believe anything I say, luckily for them, I'm not one to lie about things. It's just not who I am though. I'm just too shy to be who I am in my mind. This means that I have a terrible time making friends. I don't enjoy spending time with the people who are like how I appear, as we have nothing in common and the people I have stuff in common with will never know we have stuff in common because I'm too shy.

Music is probably the most important thing to me, so what I've been doing recently to try and counter this "problem" is wearing my heavy metal tee's, playing my music loud enough so others can hear it through my earphones and stuff like that. It's stupid and the music thing is really obnoxious but I think that's more like who I really am. The 14 year old in my head is kicking and screaming that he wants let out but my 5 year old shyness isn't letting it out. I've always been shy, for as long as I can remember. I don't know how it started or why. It's just been a constant in my life.

Any suggestions on how to overcome shyness or change how I come off to people would be nice. Hell, if I could come across to people as to how I really am, being shy wouldn't be a problem to me.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I'm not entirely sure how to answer your question, but heavy metal shirts are basically the only thing I wear these days. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I guess just be yourself and if that means wearing heavy metal shirts and listening to loud music, then just do that.
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
. . . heavy metal shirts are basically the only thing I wear these days.
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:eek: Mikey, I admire a man who dresses with the courage of his convictions, but you should probably put on some pants, at least when you're going out. You could get arrested, even in Australia.
 
miserablecow

miserablecow

Well-known member
I feel the same way...The best thing you can do is be yourself.

I struggle with shyness too, so I'm not sure what the best thing you can do. What I have done to try and battle shyness, is to join social groups and attend events. Doing this hasn't really helped a lot that much, but slowly it is. So, its something you can do also to help.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
GraybeardGhost said:
:eek: Mikey, I admire a man who dresses with the courage of his convictions, but you should probably put on some pants, at least when you're going out. You could get arrested, even in Australia.
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Pants are for amateurs. ;)

MotherWolff said:
I wish that being yourself were an easy thing to do...
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I understand. It's not easy when among certain people. I have the same problem. However, people now accept that I wear band shirts almost exclusively, so that's a good start in the right direction.
 
MotherWolff

MotherWolff

Banned
I like to wear videogame shirts sometimes. But I feel weird doing it because I am a grown woman and I can feel what other people around me think about it. Its really hard to be yourself when you're worried about what other people think about you. You have to somehow ignore them, right?
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
MotherWolff said:
I like to wear videogame shirts sometimes. But I feel weird doing it because I am a grown woman and I can feel what other people around me think about it. Its really hard to be yourself when you're worried about what other people think about you. You have to somehow ignore them, right?
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Nothing wrong with video game shirts. I've seen a few people recently wearing Call of Duty shirts. I can imagine that you would feel like there are eyes on you, and people are judging you, but if you're comfortable in your shirt, then there should be no issue.

To be honest, I get very little comments about my heavy metal shirts, and it's something I like to wear, so that's good for me. I'm comfortable and promoting my number 1 interest.
 
MotherWolff

MotherWolff

Banned
I believe that you are right. I need to practice in the things that I like instead of hiding from the world. But I even have a hard time listening to the music I like or watching the shows that I like without feeling judged, unless everyone else likes them. But I see what you are saying, and that's probably the best advice that I have received on this site as of yet.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
MotherWolff said:
I believe that you are right. I need to practice in the things that I like instead of hiding from the world. But I even have a hard time listening to the music I like or watching the shows that I like without feeling judged, unless everyone else likes them. But I see what you are saying, and that's probably the best advice that I have received on this site as of yet.
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Believe me, I understand. I have had comments about my death metal and gotten the "how can you listen to that crap?" question several times. I just answer that it's something I like, and that's just how it is. Well-adjusted people will understand. Same with the movies you watch and music you listen to. They may not be my thing, but if I start insulting you about your taste choices, that likely says more about me than it does about you.

I'm happy to help. :thumbup:
 
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