not being able to stand up for myself

LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
I'm starting to get really tired of not being able to stand up for myself. I mean for the most part i'm laid back, but sometimes if I don't agree with something or have a problem with something i'll just let it slide until it eats me up inside. For instance i'm not happy with my job yet I stay there because I feel like I won't ever be able to pass another interview. Also I have some disagreements with someone right now, yet I just act like i'm cool with most things. So on, etc. Seriously starting today if I don't agree with something important i'll say it even if it causes an argument. Hope this works out but yeah you should too if you don't really :D
 
Iluv

Iluv

Well-known member
I understand, I have the same problem too. I want to do this thing where for a whole day you just say 'no' to everything somebody tells you to do.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I can relate. If someone is insulting me, I'll just take it and take it, but inside I am fuming and I can't bring that to the surface.

I have spoken to my therapist about this and she told me that I need to start saying "no" more often, which I have been trying to do for the last couple of weeks. I'm still having a lot of trouble defending myself, which can be caused by very low self-esteem, but I'm hopeful I can snap out of it one day.

For you, I think the same will apply. Learning to say "no" and to really tune in to what you want is a good start. Like you say you're having disagreements with someone. If it's eating at you inside, it's best to let them know about it so you can work through them together. It's a scary step trying to stand up for yourself, but it's something I guess we both need to work on. I hope you can find that tough person inside you somewhere! :)
 
doubtmyself

doubtmyself

Banned
LazyHermitCrab said:
I'm starting to get really tired of not being able to stand up for myself.
I mean for the most part i'm laid back
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,
This is the key point here. You want to project an image of being laid back. I have this problem too. You don't want to look uncool. But in fact you can find a way to be cool and assertive at the same time. You need to gradually create a new you. It takes practice. You have to learn your lines. Imagine you are acting in a movie but this time you are in a slightly different role. One that disagrees politely or calls a person's bluff now and then eg. "Are you sure about that?"..."that wasn't my experience..". Say it the right way and in fact you don't sound argumentative at all. Just someone who is politely challenging, who is respectfully interested in the truth.
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Inserted comments ??
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
I thought that nowadays with this economy we have to let stuff slide so we don't get fired. Whatever you are doing to keep your job, maybe you should keep it up.

I don't blame u for being afraid of losing your job. It's tough to get a job.
 
nafadda

nafadda

Well-known member
if anyone of you wants a dose of" tough love " ,by the time I was done with you ,you would be able to stand up for yourself and be able to say whats on your mind.but keep in mind,if you do it at work you may either need to get another job or you may just get some respect and since i don't know where people work i can't second guess that?

some people will be treated as door mats as long as they allow it//but in life ,what doesn't kill you ..makes you STRONGER!
 
R3K

R3K

Well-known member
i wouldn't say start an "arguement," necessarily... but challenging something in a debative way, for sure. make your opinion felt, but be open to criticism at the same time and shake hands with your debative opponent afterward (not literally, of course.)
 
nafadda

nafadda

Well-known member
well actually the quote has been around forever.
it was
originally said by the nihilist philosopher, Frederich Nietzsche,who died in 1900, in his book, "Twilight of Idols."

I guess it's one of those timeless quotes that just stayed around and even now a pop song is based on the quote.

i guess your grandpa found it did kill him and didn't make him stronger just like the quote says:cool:

Kelly Clarkson - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) [LYRIC VIDEO] - YouTube
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
nafadda said:
well actually the quote has been around forever.
it was originally said by the nihilist philosopher, Frederich Nietzsche,who died in 1900, in his book, "Twilight of Idols."
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Yes I know, I have read his book. I just disagree with that quote and the sentiment behind it, because there is a strong suggestion that your life is a direct result of ones own actions, which I dont happen to think is true - I have already touched on this on the forum before. In some circumstances, perhaps adversity can make you stronger - but in others it can break a person that prevents them from helping themselves. I have read papers and articles (possibly biased) that suggest the direct opposite of that point of view. I think blanket statements such as that are merely excuses to justify ones own indifference and selfishness.
 
Tulicks

Tulicks

Well-known member
LazyHermitCrab said:
I'm starting to get really tired of not being able to stand up for myself. I mean for the most part i'm laid back, but sometimes if I don't agree with something or have a problem with something i'll just let it slide until it eats me up inside. For instance i'm not happy with my job yet I stay there because I feel like I won't ever be able to pass another interview. Also I have some disagreements with someone right now, yet I just act like i'm cool with most things. So on, etc. Seriously starting today if I don't agree with something important i'll say it even if it causes an argument. Hope this works out but yeah you should too if you don't really :D
Click to expand...

I can relate with you on this... I am extremely passive, and tend to just take the bull**** around me instead of aggressively or even assertively doing something about it. People dominate me in conversations all the time and all I can do it stand there nodding my head like some kind of idiot. I can never think of what to say, so if someone throws a question at me, and I'm not prepared for it, which is normally the case, I stumble on what I'm going to reply with, and sound like an even bigger idiot. I feel like saying yes all the time, even though I don't feel like going in that direction... sometimes I just want to lay it out and say no thanks, sorry, but I can never find it in me to say it with confidence.
 
M

mad2rix

Active member
Yeah.. I have a problem of refusing other people's (including most assertive ones) request especially at school.
 
gustavofring

gustavofring

Well-known member
I always wander around with the notion that I am gonna act normal and in control the next time when I meet people, but then when I actually meet them I turn into a bumbling fool again.

Also when people make an unexpected joke, like the busdriver who told me the bus was full, when it obviously wasn't, I am really quick to believe it. It's like I am so preoccupied with anxiety that I am slow at wits when dealing with unexpected situations. While I can actually be quite a dry and witty person, when not anxious.

BTW Nietschze wasn't a nihilist himself. A bit irrelevant, but you often hear that haha.
I personally subscribe to The Joker's variation of the quote ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utEEe97Ir4o
 
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I

irish_bob

Well-known member
nafadda said:
if anyone of you wants a dose of" tough love " ,by the time I was done with you ,you would be able to stand up for yourself and be able to say whats on your mind.but keep in mind,if you do it at work you may either need to get another job or you may just get some respect and since i don't know where people work i can't second guess that?

some people will be treated as door mats as long as they allow it//but in life ,what doesn't kill you ..makes you STRONGER!
Click to expand...

your wrong , this is the reality , what doesnt kill you , only makes you STRANGER , not stronger
 
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