NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND

[moonbow76]

I'm a girl.. I've had a bf, when I was 17 years old that is... I havn't had one since, and I'm almost 23... Guys ask me out, but when they do, I feel ill because of anxiety. Doesn't matter if I like a guy or not.. I got asked out last october, and I just said "no...but thanks" 8O hell if I know why I said that!! I would acctually like to go out with him!... I'm soooooo gonna die alone if I don't change....

This is me exactly (I've had one boyfriend, back when I was 17), except that I'm 30 now...and still very, very alone and unhappy. The sad thing is, if someone asked me out now, I'd still be too afraid, even though a relationship is what I want more than anything.

 

[theslowesthand]

I'm 35 and ..... yep
Have had a couple of hookers & a lap dancer (not all at the same time!!). But it's probably not the same as having sex with your girlfriend, as it's all just for the money
Basically have given up on ever finding "romance", except in my head, and am kinda okay with that .. singleness, loneliness, isolation, rejection ... it's what i know, it's normal, like an old shoe with a big hole at the toe-end which lets water in when it rains, familiar, and annoying .. comfortably uncomfortable
I think im too ugly (mentally/physically - the complete package, like evil villains in cartoons, evil personality, & evil looks) for any woman to "love"
But i've pretty much turned myself against the "relationship" thing. I view a "relationship" as a shallow, insincere, frustrating, etc, etc, thing, even though i've had no experience of it myself .. its just what i believe

 

[SocialRetahd]

You know theres guys out there that are 10's and don't have to be confident or interesting. NO WORK!!!!

Think about that next time you have moral guilt.

 

[recluse]

Hi 26 year old man here. Never been in a relationship, a virgin but kissed a girl and held hands with another girl. I'm surprised and relieved that I am not the only soul that has this problem. I've actually been offered sex on a plate so to speak from a girl I met online, but I'm not a type of guy who uses girls. Besides it gross'd me out when she told me that she meets guys online and has sex with them, on a regular basis. What's happened to good old fashioned romance and morals?

 

[Day_Tripper]

I've never had a girlfriend, for a few reasons. My shyness of course is one, another is, I'm sort of picky, I wish I could get attracted to a girl's inner beauty, that would make things a lot easier. Another is that I don't feel I have many opportunities since I don't see many kids outside of school.

 

[winnipegjets]

Having social phobia, I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 19. I actually had sex before I had a girlfriend, but it was a one night stand (we were drunk), and I didn't know what to say to here the morning after.

PS...How do you see the poll results?

 

[justnesh]

I've never had a girlfriend, for a few reasons. My shyness of course is one, another is, I'm sort of picky, I wish I could get attracted to a girl's inner beauty, that would make things a lot easier. Another is that I don't feel I have many opportunities since I don't see many kids outside of school.

I'm the same, apart from the kids part, lol

 

[Primrose]

Wow at this forum. Really glad to know that I'm not alone.

I've never had a relationship; nothing even close. It does get quite upsetting when you are the only member of your entire extended family whose not married, engaged, or having children. I can hear the "maybe she's a lesbian" whispers a mile off!

I think I've reached the point now where I have to consider that it's not going to happen for me. When I was growing up I'd say, by the time I'm 16 I'll have a boyfriend, then it was 18, then 21, then 25, then 30

I don't understand why relationships come so easy to others, and yet are like another language to others.

Thanks for listening and sorry for the heavy first post!

 

[sunvic]

I have voted the first option Boy who never has a g/f
I find myself in a precarious situation

 

[polkaudioguy]

Im a 19 year old male and have never had a girlfriend. I never kissed a girl till last year. Id never had a deep conversation with a girl until a few weeks ago, and it only came about because we were both drunk. I feel at this point that i will never have a relationship and will never get married. I dont know what is wrong with me (other than SA). Every time i see a girl im interested in, i have no idea how to act. Im always scared that i will say or do the wrong thing, so i do nothing (the wrong thing).

Middle school dances were the worst. There was always a special girl i wanted to dance with, but i couldnt overcome the fear of rejection or what others would think if i did. I went to two dances in high school. I never went to prom, although i forced myself to ask a girl each year.

The one girl i had a serious heart to heart with this year said i was a really sweet guy, that i didnt seem like a jerk like most guys seem to be. So i guess im not repulsive, i just cant get over my fears enough to even approach a girl and start a conversation.

I feel so lonely in this world. Two of my room mates have girlfriends. I just want a special girl i can share my thoughts and feelings with, my whole life with.

My birthday is coming up on nov. 1. I will be getting a new amplifier for my stereo, and will be bringing my car back to school. These are two of the three things that make me happy in this world, but i wont be truely happy. Nothing my parents can give me can make me truely happy. They cant give me a relationship.

Im glad to know im not alone with these feelings, yet i want so much to be able to overcome my fears, and become happy.

 

[Abalone]

I wish women could be more compassionate. If they see a shy guy, go and talk to him and be reassuring to him that they don't think badly of him. If the non-shy people are so adept at socializing, they should be able to handle shy people-- don't put all the pressure on the shy people to be the social ones, help ease them into that role.

 

[Tryin]

17 and never had a boyfriend. There's a reason for it: no, I'm not monstrously ugly. I'm not even dull or stupid. Or anything. The reason is that I am a disaster. I'm confusing. I am a rollercoaster of emotion and I can't communicate. There's also a reason for that: I discovered it some time ago and it really did hit me: I don't like myself. At all.

And if you don't like yourself - now, who else should?

You know, there's a boy who actually does like me. He's shy - worse than me. And he wants me. Not that I didn't like him. He's nice, he's beautiful, his alright. But the problem is, I can't, just CAN'T be with him. I find myslef unable to do anything physical with him. And I can't believe he could love me. Because I don't like myself, because I don't find myself lovable.

 

[DelGreco]

I'm a 21 year old guy who's never had a girlfriend or been on a date. For awhile I could kind of shrug it off; "Nice guys finish last", ha, ha. But it's starting to become a big concern for me. I hate being this young and worrying that I'll always be alone. At the same time, I'm not giving up. I'm staying in good shape with exercise, and I'm trying to groom myself better. For a long time I didn't bother to comb my hair or worry much about what I was wearing (I wore a lot of plaid as kind of an anti-fashion statement). I'm also thinking of trading my big dorky glasses in for some contacts. I've actually gotten some compliments, so I figure any advantage I can find I need to grab hold of.
In what time I have left at college I really want to make an honest attempt to become less isolated. I don't know if anything will happen, but I have to try. We have to keep fighting, you know. Don't give up. I imagine having someone to love and hold and talk to must be the most beautiful thing in the world. So I never lose sight of that, and I try as hard as I can not to feel sorry for myself no matter how debilitating anxiety can be. At the same time, I've never really had much opportunity or felt like I was in the position to ask a girl out. I mostly have just felt invisible.

 

[kyle]

why are there only 2 options for the poll? I can't vote for either.

 

[Abalone]

And if you don't like yourself - now, who else should?

Well, maybe you have characteristics that you yourself don't like, but other people do...

 

[Tryin]

And if you don't like yourself - now, who else should?

Well, maybe you have characteristics that you yourself don't like, but other people do...

That's right. Maybe it's more like: If you don't like yourself, how can you like anyone else. Or maybe not. It's just that I found myself recently genuinely shocked when I realized that I am loved by people. It felt like, oh, there must be some mistake, wait till they discover how disastrous I really am.

:?

 

[hotsauce]

17 and never had a boyfriend. There's a reason for it: no, I'm not monstrously ugly. I'm not even dull or stupid. Or anything. The reason is that I am a disaster. I'm confusing. I am a rollercoaster of emotion and I can't communicate. There's also a reason for that: I discovered it some time ago and it really did hit me: I don't like myself. At all.

And if you don't like yourself - now, who else should?

You know, there's a boy who actually does like me. He's shy - worse than me. And he wants me. Not that I didn't like him. He's nice, he's beautiful, his alright. But the problem is, I can't, just CAN'T be with him. I find myslef unable to do anything physical with him. And I can't believe he could love me. Because I don't like myself, because I don't find myself lovable.

I'm not that bad but at basketball the other week I couldn't even put the goal posts of the previous group down.

Then I couldn't even talk properly a few weeks before that, someone made fun of me.

yet I malloted him when the playing got going, well ever so slightly.

So the morales of this story is accept yourself for the way you are now and find somehtign your good at, somehting you are strong in soemthing where when doing that your are strong then have a crack at it.

 

[xSleepy]

ok, i HATE admitting it, but i have not had a boyfriend. i guess "technically" i did for a very short period of time, but it REALLLY does not count.
Guys have been interested in me, and ive liked boys since i was in like 2nd grade, lol. but ive just always been too shy and awkward to do anything about it. i honestly just feel like it would be uncomfortable for me to be that close with someone. im a loner and i just dont like people all that much, and im guessing its cause of the experiences ive had with them. but just thinking of having to be around a guy for most of the day and him always calling me wanting to hang out and stuff, just seems weird.

 

[Li]

I've never had a boyfriend. I have plenty of friends but no actual boyfriend.

When I was in middle school it was because I did not fit in with the other girls (aka I did not have the right look).

In high school, it was because I did not want to bring a guy home because unlike most people I know my parents would not allow us to have some semblance of privacy.

In college, it was because I was ashamed of where I lived.

Afterwards it was because I really dread having to explain this to a potential date .

 

[Kien]

The only effect I have had of falling in love is jealousy.