My new obsession is this girl.... and i ****ing hate it

[rodinski]

This is driving me nuts. Here is my backstory.

For over, I don't know, 10+ years, I have had OCD. It started out as germs, then moved to sex, then people picked on me for not having a girl friend (btw, I never had one) and then my OCD turned in, wtf, am i gay bullshit, then moved to semen, then moved to washing my hands, then moved to this girl. I seriously hate this shit, it drives me nuts. I get over something, then the thought comes back, and bam, takes over once again.

This girl was the one that basically determined that I had OCD. I thought she took an interest in me, and what I did was use her as a means to get myself away from other thoughts that were effecting me. By originally admiring her from affar(in the sense that she was a building block for me, there were things that she did that reminded me of myself a long time ago before OCD began to manisfest itself), my OCD eventually took over and all I could think about is her and thinking if she liked me. Turning to signs, astrology, etc, just to figure out if she likes me. Eventually, I write down all my thoughts and things troubling me, things that went through my head and brought it to my councilor. (my goal was to try and make myself better to present myself to her and ask her out, heck, i even lost 60+ poinds to try and impress her). They suggest OCD. One person assest me, said it probably is, but on the fence. Then they brought me to a psychologist, she says it is full blown. I am currently on 100mg of zoloft, been on it for about a month, on the meds since early july/late june.

She is still on my mind. The story continues where I eventually confess all these feelings that i built up inside about her, and then pampered her with love notes. She eventually flipped, i called her a fake because all these "signs" i thought she liked me. **** my life. i told her all this when i had a red bull, and it doesn't mix well with zoloft.

so i appologized and explained my situation about it with her. she blocked me, eventually leading on to an unblock, but doesnt talk to me. she hasn't even sent a friend request, etc. at school, now university, i have a class with her. whenever she walks buy or i walk buy, a change in attitude occurs and she goes blank. really annoyed by this.

but she is on my ****ing mind ..... again. i've tried new diets, eating more protein, more exercise, blogging, talking with my counciler, trying to focus on school, but it just doesn't help. i'm obsessing about her and i kinda did stalk her too. **** my life, why does my OCD take my thoughts over, i friggen don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life. it is just so friggen problematic i just can't function anymore.

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kinda weird for my first post, but i think if i talk with other people who have OCD it might help : \

 

[baddabingtim]

40mg prozac

 

[Ren Koutaisou]

I recently have met a girl who liked me at first, but it didn't last long. She claims that she's too wild for me. We spent a few days hanging out, and I loved every single second of it. She was cute, independent, strong minded, and had an extremely beautiful smile. She brightened up my days whenever I hugged or kissed her.

Then one day, I received no text message and no call from her. I decided to be patient about it and not call or text her, since I didn't want to bother her. About 3 days later, I was at work and began receiving texts again. I was thrilled for a while, until I got a message where she stated we could only be friends.

I kind of suspected that she was too good for me, so I wasn't all that surprised.

What I can tell you, though, is that girls are impalpable. You should definitely never say "**** my life" because you and ONLY you are responsible and capable of changing it. I used to be like "I want to die" "I'm bored" all the time, and by experience, that is like the wasp spray of attracting people.

I'm going to suggest picking up new hobbies, cause that's all I can think of to do anymore. Pencil sketching, sports, etc.

 

[rodinski]

40mg prozac

Hehe. Zoloft is working a lot better then prozac. The things I have heard others who are on prozac, it doesn't work well for them. Right now my body is still adjusting to Zoloft and I think it might be settling down now. I'm expect to go up to or around 300-400mg a day.

I recently have met a girl who liked me at first, but it didn't last long. She claims that she's too wild for me. We spent a few days hanging out, and I loved every single second of it. She was cute, independent, strong minded, and had an extremely beautiful smile. She brightened up my days whenever I hugged or kissed her.

Then one day, I received no text message and no call from her. I decided to be patient about it and not call or text her, since I didn't want to bother her. About 3 days later, I was at work and began receiving texts again. I was thrilled for a while, until I got a message where she stated we could only be friends.

I kind of suspected that she was too good for me, so I wasn't all that surprised.

What I can tell you, though, is that girls are impalpable. You should definitely never say "**** my life" because you and ONLY you are responsible and capable of changing it. I used to be like "I want to die" "I'm bored" all the time, and by experience, that is like the wasp spray of attracting people.

I'm going to suggest picking up new hobbies, cause that's all I can think of to do anymore. Pencil sketching, sports, etc.

I've tried getting into new hobbies. I'm also doing my first year of engineering, and it doesn't seem like my mind can get off of it. New hobbies are just not working for me I guess.

Btw, you should never think that someone is too good for you or put someone on a pedistol. It is unfair for both of you, and nor is you not being good enough.

My suggestion is dont think about girls or sex. Dont read anything or look at anything that even resembles it. Im talking about on TV, the internet, anywhere. Stay away from the triggers and the thoughts will be less on your mind.


Try some meditation too, this helps with freeing bad thoughts. This is the only thing I can suggest.


Oh, I also wanna add, you should make immediate ammends with her. Try to get rid of that tension, try to be her friend not enemy.

I'm trying, honestly. I don't know how to approach her on this, I'm respecting her grounds. She said she would talk to me when she is ready, but I don't know. She seems really awkward around me. We have similar friends and we now hang out at similar places, and it is just nuts. She would be sitting there, and eventually glance my way, etc, as if I'm some threat to her or something. I don't look at her, nor do I try and make eye contact. I try to keep a smile on my face when she is walking by, etc, but I don't know, I don't know what is going on in her head.

Trying to get away from it all, it just doesn't work for me either. I've tried eliminating as many things out of my life to drown out these thoughts or remove the triggers, but it got to the point that I was just too fenched in and I couldn't even function with basic nescesities, so I really don't want to try and remove the things again.

Sometimes I can say: "When love is gone, move on." But it only works for a little bit, and then its gone. And it isn't that I lover her, it is just a saying that relates to moving on. But anything I try or do, it doesn't make a difference. It is going to be like this forever, and there isn't really a compremise with it, I can't reason with it in any means.

Thanks for the posts btw guys. Really helpful to talk about these things.

 

[getbornagain]

Start taking L-Theanine. It is nature's valium, read about it. It's reducing my anxiety greatly. Take a healthy lifestyle, get your mind right, try and realize there are alot of people in this world, some just like you, you have to be patient.

 

[yesnomaybe]

ok, rodinski. i am/was in almost the exact same situation. i'm not going to sugar coat my advice or insight on the subject, because what I'm about to suggest is what I accepted and did for myself. I may sound harsh, but it's only because i'm being pressured to get off the computer and I want to finish this thought. please don't take it the wrong way.

1) you have to once and for all acknowledge that there is nothing there between the two of you. NOTHING. And there will never be anything there. All the confusing signs that you perceive (and that I perceived) are a direct result of the disease. Tell yourself, like I told myself, that it is ALL in your head, because it is. The girl is not interested in talking to me, associating with me, being friends with me, etc... Your mind is going to play tricks with you, tell you that maybe she is sorry for her behavior, or that she wants you to initiate conversation, or that she is confused about the subject, and so forth. DO NOT BELIEVE IT.

I'm a big believer in creating rules. make the above a rule for yourself, and every time that you start to think otherwise, refer back to it.

You're also going to want closure. You may feel like it is a complete misunderstanding and all you want is to clear things up before you completely end it. You care very much what she thinks about you, etc... I'm afraid to tell you that you will NOT get satisfactory closure. Any attempt at communicating with her will only make things worse. It sucks. Life's not fair, but that's just how it winds up sometimes.

There is absolutely no need to contact her any more, in case you have doubts. The average person would have dropped the whole thing a long time ago. By trying to contact her again, it will only reinforce that you are not thinking straight, which you're not, and I wasn't either. Do not approach her anymore, or even think about approaching her.

2) I have to say, the only reason why I'm better is due to the meds. 450mg of buproprion and 200mg of lamotrigen. it's worked wonders on me. sometimes i think that i'm all better, then i accidentally miss a dosage, and my mind goes right back to that girl and the incident that happened between us. There's no way that I'd be ok without the meds. I'd be completely miserable without them, as you are. Finding the right meds is crucial.

So, in a nutshell, acknowledge once and for all that it is completely over and done. Your issues are YOUR issues, not hers. Your mind is playing tricks on you; don't believe it. Stick to the rule: no interaction whatsoever with her. She should not be exposed to what you're going through.

And secondly, find the right meds. There's no way I could function like I do without them.

Very best of luck to you. You'll go through crap right now, but it will not last forever. Get a good doctor; focus on the meds; have a positive, healthy lifestyle, and eventually you WILL get better.

 

[rodinski]

Thanks.

One thing that I get a feeling of is that she is actually you. It drives me nuts, I think she is everywhere half the time.

I see what you mean, and thanks for the great advice. Just to acknowledge the thoughts to be just OCD and not real are just that. However, I do feel like having a normal friendship with her.

If I am in a normal state of mind, nothing related to a relationship of any sense that I put it out to be with her was anywhere in my intention. Ugh, I hate it.

 

[stand_up]

Agreed with the last post. I was obsessed with a girl for about 7 years. Same scenario as you by coincidence.

One day i just flipped, said to myself "she failed me. But I won't fail myself". I'm going to do things my way and do things I like. Time to look after the only person that really cared,...= myself.

I celebrated this moment of "stand up" by immediately going to get a cool hair cut I've always wanted. Modified my car. Listened to uplifting music that reminded me that I'm indestructible. Although still feeling bitter, I looked and felt like a new person.

Eventually my new self-forced confident/arrogant/risk-taking approach to life made me meet new friends, and got together with another girl 10 times better in every aspect compared to the one I was obsessed over.

People fail you in life, every single one of them. But if you have any sort of a backbone in life, ...then you won't fail yourself. You'd rather be a bad guy, then be a sad guy. Let yourself burn and enjoy it. I no longer think about her. I've got so much better now.

 

[rodinski]

Agreed with the last post. I was obsessed with a girl for about 7 years. Same scenario as you by coincidence.

One day i just flipped, said to myself "she failed me. But I won't fail myself". I'm going to do things my way and do things I like. Time to look after the only person that really cared,...= myself.

I celebrated this moment of "stand up" by immediately going to get a cool hair cut I've always wanted. Modified my car. Listened to uplifting music that reminded me that I'm indestructible. Although still feeling bitter, I looked and felt like a new person.

Eventually my new self-forced confident/arrogant/risk-taking approach to life made me meet new friends, and got together with another girl 10 times better in every aspect compared to the one I was obsessed over.

People fail you in life, every single one of them. But if you have any sort of a backbone in life, ...then you won't fail yourself. You'd rather be a bad guy, then be a sad guy. Let yourself burn and enjoy it. I no longer think about her. I've got so much better now.

I really like what both you guys are saying. I'm going to mention this to my councilor. : ) Thanks a lot for the information. If anyone else could post any more information or their feedback, that would help too.

 

[yesnomaybe]

Thanks.

One thing that I get a feeling of is that she is actually you. It drives me nuts, I think she is everywhere half the time.

I see what you mean, and thanks for the great advice. Just to acknowledge the thoughts to be just OCD and not real are just that. However, I do feel like having a normal friendship with her.

If I am in a normal state of mind, nothing related to a relationship of any sense that I put it out to be with her was anywhere in my intention. Ugh, I hate it.

Yep, you want to make things right by establishing a normal friendship. That's understandable. But no matter what you would like, you absolutely have to respect her wish and leave her be. She will contact you if she wants that to change. No ifs or buts about it. It's rough, but that's the right thing to do. Write up the rule like the paragraph I mentioned above, and every time that you start to consider doing something, just refer to it, and stick to it.

I don't need to tell you, your mind can play some very convincing tricks. Writing down the rule to remind yourself of the correct perspective is critical.

In the meantime, try keeping busy, busy, busy. That's the only thing that would take my mind off the matter. As soon as things slowed down, my mind wandered right back to the subject, like a broken record.

 

[Kinetik]

As tough as this is, you have to learn to accurately gauge reciprocity (or lack thereof) early on in any interactions you have with girls. If you can find it within yourself to let go of this one girl you like and move on, be extra perceptive in future and observe how other females respond to you; in other words, try to assess whether or not they're meeting you halfway. You've had a bad experience now, but this is a learning process, and you'll get better at it each time.

Many women will send out mixed signals which can be cause for ambiguity; you may think she's leading you on when really she's just being friendly, but the more you practice meeting new girls, the easier it will become to discern what her true feelings are and you'll learn to spot the giveaways which will let you know without a doubt that she's interested in you. You've wasted far too much time on this unrequited love and you owe it to yourself to improve by getting out and experiencing more.

 

[PennyLane]

Hey, I'm a girl and I don't have OCD...so I thought I would just give my perspective..as it might be a little like hers.

I completely agree with yesnomaybe...You have to leave all contact with this girl now. I know you want to be friends and make things ok again.. but right now that is so not going to happen and by trying to explain or make a friendship I think you will find you get rejected further..

I think that in this case you may have come on a little strong and possibly frightened her, I know you didn't mean to and did nothing wrong....but girls are taught to watch out for guys pretty much all their lives, in order to protect themselves. Continuing to pursue a friendship will cause her to pull away more and ultimately I think it will be more unhealthy for you. You only want her friendship because your obsessed with her.

Maybe over a long period of time the friendship will naturally return...but if you want her to know your sorry and you want to get better.....you have to leave her alone and stay as far away as is possible.

I know this is so much easier said than done...but if you can manage it, its the best thing!!! Best of luck...i hope you get through it!!

 

[rodinski]

Hey, I'm a girl and I don't have OCD...so I thought I would just give my perspective..as it might be a little like hers.

I completely agree with yesnomaybe...You have to leave all contact with this girl now. I know you want to be friends and make things ok again.. but right now that is so not going to happen and by trying to explain or make a friendship I think you will find you get rejected further..

I think that in this case you may have come on a little strong and possibly frightened her, I know you didn't mean to and did nothing wrong....but girls are taught to watch out for guys pretty much all their lives, in order to protect themselves. Continuing to pursue a friendship will cause her to pull away more and ultimately I think it will be more unhealthy for you. You only want her friendship because your obsessed with her.

Maybe over a long period of time the friendship will naturally return...but if you want her to know your sorry and you want to get better.....you have to leave her alone and stay as far away as is possible.

I know this is so much easier said than done...but if you can manage it, its the best thing!!! Best of luck...i hope you get through it!!

That's what I'm trying to do. What else should I do?

If she is in the student lounge, should I just leave whenever she enters? Or if she is there, just leave and find a different place to do my work?

 

[PennyLane]

That's what I'm trying to do. What else should I do?

If she is in the student lounge, should I just leave whenever she enters? Or if she is there, just leave and find a different place to do my work?

To be honest....yes.

If she is a room and there is no real requirement for you to be there...I think you should leave if there are other places to work. Being in the same place will just make it harder and make you both uncomfortable...you need distance and space.

But this is obviously within reason, if you have to be there or are talking to someone you dont have to leave....but if you can, i think its best.

 

[PennyLane]

Oh and sorry, i do realise this must be so much harder for you than I am making it seem....keep trying though

 

[yesnomaybe]

My circumstance was a little different from yours, Rodinski. My OD seems to have arrived overnight and was completely unexpected. My emotions went off the chart when the girl in this story unexpectedly humiliated me in front of friends.

The average person would have simply felt hurt and annoyed. My emotions were devastated. I immediately realized that I wasn't thinking straight, and from that moment forward did my best to avoid her. Unfortunately for me, however, I HAD to take certain hallways and elevators to get to my destination points. It so happened that she and a friend of hers had to take the same hallways as well. And every time that I crossed their path, she and her friend would harass ME. I would look down and keep walking and they would make comments, give me dirty glares, and behave as if *I* tormented them. Mind you, I wouldn't even look at them. (Actually, I made the mistake of being honest with them in the beginning of the whole thing and let them know that I was sick somehow and wanted to be left alone; big mistake; don't ever expect people to behave considerately or with maturity; 7 out of 10, won't happen. Important lesson learned.)

Anyway, I was completely obsessed with this girl and the circumstance that things ended under. Like yourself, I couldn't get it off my mind. I wanted to set things straight; I thought she wanted to reconcile the matter, felt bad about her behavior, etc.. I became so sick over the whole thing, for about a year and a half I was nauseated EVERY SINGLE DAY. Imagine how your stomach feels when you're hung over. Well that's how mine felt every day for 18 months.

Anyway, as soon as I no longer had to take the same route, I didn't. I now take the stairs and different hallways. It's the long way around for me, but I haven't come across her or her friend since then, and I feel MUCH better because of it.

So I second PennyLane's remark: if you don't have to be there, then don't. Stay as far away as possible. You'll feel better for it.

 

[yesnomaybe]

wow. it's funny how life can be so coincidental.

today i saw the friend. i hadn't seen her in months, and the day that i mention her, she appears.

we walked toward one another in the hall. there was quite a bit of distance between us, but she recognized me and i recognized her.

so anyway, a little more detail before i mention what happened...

i was actually very good friends with 'the friend' before everything went haywire. when i became an emotional wreck i severed ALL communication with the two of them. like i said, i wouldn't even look at them in the hallway. this, i believe, is why she grew so resentful of me. she didn't know that i was actually doing it for HER benefit. i didn't want her, or the main person, to be exposed to my sickness.

so, i spoke to these two people twice. the first time was when i told them that i was sick and that i wanted to be left alone; actually, i wrote it in a letter; i was too emotional to approach them in person. the second time was about a year and a half later, when i began to feel better. i explained everything to them in detail and apologized profusely for making them feel so uncomfortable. in that conversation i pointed out how i had never so much as given them a dirty look the entire time, and asked them once again to leave me alone - "no more hallway antics" was how i put it. in response, i was treated EXTREMELY coldly.

so after that we have never spoken, like i told them would happen.

well, it just so happens that I saw the friend from a distance today. we recognized one another and then -- to my surprise -- she gave a small wave, and then turned the corner and disappeared. i simply lowered my glance, like i've always done.

this may not seem like a big deal, but it means a lot to me. all that i ever wanted was a small gesture of sympathy and remorse. a sincere apology. but i never got that. the fact that she actually acknowledged me as a human being today, not a monster, means very much to me. (and that was very nice of her to make the effort.)

so, what does this mean in real world application? absolutely nothing. was the wave my imagination? a part of the disease? maybe; she was far from me. i will never truly know. i will stick to my rule, however, and continue to leave her and the other person completely alone, like i told them I would do the last time that we spoke.

there's hope, rodinski. if i can get through my experience, then so can you. it's only a matter of time and the right effort.

 

[getbornagain]

That's what I'm trying to do. What else should I do?

If she is in the student lounge, should I just leave whenever she enters? Or if she is there, just leave and find a different place to do my work?

No, sit down and wait for her to talk to you. If she doesn't say anything to you, don't say anything to her. She'll probably be wondering/surprised you didn't say anything at all, and may ask you about it? Even if she doesn't inquire, it shows your 'creepyness' is under control. Being obsessed is not good my friend.

 

[yesnomaybe]

here's some food for thought... i think of the situation sort of like that of an alcoholic who's trying to quit the habit.

he decides to quit drinking. withdrawals kick in. he gets the shakes; cold sweats; can't sleep at night; can't concentrate. His throat is always parched; all beverages taste like beer; he sees a coca cola can and envisions a can of beer, and so forth. He has it bad. Real bad.

so, should he hang out at a bar? will that help him any? absolutely not. quite the opposite.

can he tell himself: i'm just going to be a social drinker. i'll sip on my drink from now on. i'll keep the urge to drink more under control. will this approach work? we all know that an alcoholic has to cut it off cold. one drink and the cycle starts all over again.

there is an exception, though... once he's recovered and has proved to himself that he's kicked the habit and is no longer tempted by alcoholic drinks (which means he hasn't had a drink for years), then it's fine to hang out at a bar and sip on a soft drink, without any temptation to fall back into the vicious cycle.

more directly, the question begs to be asked... what benefit will be gained by establishing a friendship? Why is it soooo important to be friends with this particular person? we've all had people that have rejected our friendship, but we've moved on. why is it impossible to move on with this person? the mere fact that there is such a dire need TO be friends with this person indicates that perspectives are skewed.

 

[rodinski]

I like how you approach things yesnomaybe. I actually like it a lot.

This is the weirdest thing, I'm glad I came to this site. And the level of link between you and my situation and what is happening is by far the most shadowed thing I have seen. She sounds like you, seriously, and how my life is being played right now, it is weird.

Well, guess what happened today, she came back and sat at the table I was with, with others. It was weird. I was sitting down at a table and a friend came by and joined. We started working on our assignment and what not, a bit of talk here and there. Btw, I feel quite comfortable around her, not 100%, but a lot better then others, so I can remotely be somewhat like myself with her. Then she tells me one of our friends that is the best friend to the girl is coming to join us to work on one of their assignments and check answers and whatnot.

I was scared crapless. My whole out going self just....dropped instantly. I couldn't talk. I just focused on my work and carried on. I did though grab the courage to talk to her friend, but then....she showed up. Then that just slammed the door shut. Mind goes blank, why is she hear, blah blah blah, the anxities took over to keep it short.

But non the less, she sat there, next to me, most of the time. It drove me nuts, I couldn't speak, couldn't think, or even interact with my good friend. It jsut overwhelmed me, and when I did speak, she attempted to belittle me by ignoring me. Or so I thought. She she included me in the conversation awhile later, I jsut ignored her, completely, and my friends, not because i wanted to, but i just.... couldn't. It isn't like shy people where they can work up the courage once they are accepted.... the anxieties just overwhelmed me. I thought about leaving, but that would just be rude and thought it would just make things worse.

There is always these "hints" that I'm getting. She is saying things like, why would someone want to be my friend, blah blah blah. And it links to what you guys are saying, so i get this vibe or whatever that she is actually you. ****, it drives me nuts.

Well, I'm going to try at least, sometimes i feel these thoughts kicking in where I somewhat act with my conscious then my anxities. But that only lasts for a few seconds to a minute then i instantly spiral down again to my normal "mindless" state sort of deal.

Well, I dunno. I want to get over this, i really can't function like this anymore. i can't even be myself around my family or friends or ..... anything. there is like no point to live, it is just going to be an endless loop. But I dunno, i'll keep trying. How long does it take for this to be.... somewhat..... controlable. D:

like i can't even be myself, like.....ever..... there is a character in me, that i'm trying to find and always been trying to find ever since a few years ago when my life started to hit rock bottomed..... and it still hasn't emerged from with in. But like, she reminded me of me, that inner child so to speak, and even when and what she was talking about at the greeting.... it was all me.... she was me, she was what i used to be.

UGH. D: