My neighbors ignore me but are all chummy with my husband. It's because I don't say h

[Richey]

I was talking to an old acquaintance and he was saying after moving into a new home how one of the neighbours is really quiet and how that's weird and so he must be a freak...and i'm sitting there thinking....you've probably just described how i'd be, depending on the street. if its a really warm street where people say hi i will say hi, but i may avoid having a long conversation, where as others may stop and reveal their life story. And so apparently if you are quiet you're a freak? come on ...that is the dumbest opinion i've heard but people seriously think it.

I think in the end everyone is going to have a different opinion. You may have a really outgoing person who doesn't want to converse with neighbours because of trust issues and a really quiet person who does speak with their neighbours, and visa versa ...when you think of it in those terms does it really matter what you do? My advice is to say hello and that's all you really need to do, let your husband do what he feels like and let it be.

There is this house down the street and the guy talks and talks for ages. The wife stays inside. My opinion? she is being herself, it doesn't bother me. So its that realisation to remember that people are more understanding then you may think because they probably are on your wavelength at some point.

 

[sunnystorm]

I never thought I'd find a post like this because I thought I was the only one with this problem.

I've had this exact same situation. In more than one place that we've resided.
My husband is very outgoing. I'm not.

So usually, when both of us are walking out of the house or heading back to the house and any of the neighbors are outside, they will be like "Hi (husband's name)!".
But they don't even acknowledge me. It's like I'm not even there.

There have been times when I've been outside walking alone and one of these neighbors are out there and I'll give them a pleasant "hello" because I feel like it would be more awkward if I walked right past them and didn't say anything. And they will usually say "hello" back but that's about it. So I do make an effort. But they will never say hello to me first. Especially when my husband is with me.

There was one man in our old apartment complex who was a nice guy and still said hello to me too (I guess he realized that I was just shy), but most other people would overlook me.

It tends to hurt my feelings when these people do this. If they ignored both me and my husband it probably wouldn't feel so bad. I'd just look at it as they aren't friendly neighbors. But the fact that they always greet him and overlook me just makes me feel like he's on the A-list and I'm on the B-list. It really makes me feel like a loser when they will address him by name but ignore me even though I'm standing right next to him. It doesn't feel as bad if I'm outside alone and they don't say anything to me. But when I'm standing right next to my husband and they don't say anything...that just seem so rude.
Instead of just saying "Hello you two" or something like that, they single him out.
Like everyone sees him as this great guy and I'm just his snobby spouse.

My husband tries to make me feel better and tells me that people are more talkative with him simply because he's a "loudmouth". And I realize that it's probably true. But it still feels like social rejection.

 

[psych]

I'm not with my husband anymore...
But, I think people often see women as a threat.
A man may be reluctant to say hi to a married woman for fear that her man might see it as flirting... A female may be afraid to say hi to a female neighbor because women are often catty and cruel.
My neighbors here (where I live as a single person) all treated me like I had the plague until I was here for a few years, & it's still very tentative. The single men are the friendliest. (shocker)

I would try belting out a big "hi there" with a smile a few times when they say hello to him just to see if they smile back, nod, or add a hello to you. It may catch them by surprise should you try this, so I'd give it a few times to see if things change at all. Good luck. & If they don't ever come around, they probably aren't worth your time anyways.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Extract - Annoying Neighbor - YouTube
too bad you don't have a friendly neighbor like this

 

[1BlackSheep]

Extract - Annoying Neighbor - YouTube
too bad you don't have a friendly neighbor like this

I have one of those. Drives me crazy!!!

 

[meco1999]

Every place I lived with my ex, our neighbors would make an effort to talk to him.
I would always say hello- but get no response.

I'm thinking it's a man thing.

No, it's not a man thing. I'm a man, and I've lived in my current apartment 3 years and nobody has ever tried to talk to me. It's very rare for anyone to even say "hi" to me even in passing, and it's certainly very hard for me to say "hi" first to anyone.

Actually, I kind of have the opposite situation, I've always noticed that people have always been really friendly to my mom, but not to me. My mom is more sociable and talkative than I am. That's pretty much it I guess. People aren't friendly to you unless they sense they will get pleasure (returned friendliness/conversation) from the interaction.

 

[OceanMist]

That's a simple case of reeping what we sow. If we don't put out anything, we won't get anything back. Not to say it's your fault, you have SA that you didn't choose.

You don't put out any eye contact or hello, so you don't receive it back. Hey, story of my life, haha.

Lol at the "man thing." If anything, people are more likely to talk to women. Women tend to connect easier with other women on an emotional level plus men obviously flirt and hit on women more because of gender roles and nature.

If more people talk to men, then explain to me why 9 out of 10 "I can't get a date" threads on this site are created by men? It's because it's harder for us to make friends and way harder for us to get a g/f.

 

[Invisibleman]

Lol at the "man thing." If anything, people are more likely to talk to women. Women tend to connect easier with other women on an emotional level plus men obviously flirt and hit on women more because of gender roles and nature.

If more people talk to men, then explain to me why 9 out of 10 "I can't get a date" threads on this site are created by men? It's because it's harder for us to make friends and way harder for us to get a g/f.

Agreed. I just recently got new neighbors and yet they ONLY talk to my mom and my sister when she was here. They didnt say a single word to me or my Father. I see them everyday when I go for walks and they still dont even look at me or say hi,yet they see my mother and instantly turn into talking machines.

 

[DeepBlueSea]

focus on improvement, not perfection, and it will get easier.

I really like this quote. It put my mind at ease with a personal problem... I forget that I am trying to improve and that's what matters. It'll get better with time.

Im still working on improving saying hi to strangers. I kinda had a wake up call at work when on the same day, separate occasions, two people gave me a hard time about not saying hello. So now, every time some one walks past me I say hi and ask how they are. They seem to appreciate it

 

[laure15]

Over the years, I notice that people tend to greet attractive/cute people but ignore the others. For example, several times I've hang out with a couple of attractive friends and people usually talk to them more so than to me. I guess attractive people are seen as more lively and outgoing, compared not-so-attractive people.

 

[lonelee1]

Sometimes people can pick up on the shy vibe I think. Maybe they don't want you to feel uncomfortable..next time you see them just smile at them and wave politely, that way neither party feels pressure to talk alot next time you see each other, and they get the clue that you're not unfriendly.