DeadHead
1
If I picked any of the advice in this thread it would be this. Very well said. I agree 100%!
My first time sex next week
- Thread starter bony666
- Start date
If I picked any of the advice in this thread it would be this. Very well said. I agree 100%!
Kustamogen
Banned
sex is over hyped....just do it if you feel like doing it
You're a Really Really good observer Emily, yes indeed that seems quite a straight forward answer: He could have said: Do you want do it ? I would give you all the time to decide , .. or smthing like that....besides he was coming closer to me touching my body (we were already in his bed as mentioned in my thread) and I had to push aways and calm his passion...
Yes indeed you're right this is not the best attitude, but I guess that was because I told him before that I didn't choose to stay virgin, and that I was forced to wait (w/o mentioning the true reason: which is my SP!)...
Yes, I have to talk to him about that ...I am seeing him tmrw
Thx again
ok, I like this kind of answers, you're really encouraging me: Yes i also think having sex would be amazing, but I should do it for myself, not for this guy...
Kustamogen
Banned
it is....if youre in the moment and want to do it....do it! Not everything has to be meticulously thought over and picked apart.
That's one of the most clever answers I got so far, thanks so much Serafina,
I have been hurt so many times in my life and spent almost my whole teenage years fighting depression, and crying in my room, but yes: all this pain has made me the strong woman I am today, and has opened my heart and my mind to the beautiful things in this world. I think SP sufferers have an increased sensitivity which allows us to see some things that "normal" people will never see or feel: and am sure you see what I mean,
Indeed this experience can be a bad one, and am still weighting the positive and negative. As you said 'there is no guarantee' and relationships are about risk taking,
even though I have ended up hurt in the past, i want to look at my future, and I don't want regret anything: so if this guy shows good intentions, and respects my feelings and my body, then It would be a mistake to just let him go w/o any good reason
Time will bring the answer,
That's one of the most clever answers I got so far, thanks so much Serafina,
I have been hurt so many times in my life and spent almost my whole teenage years fighting depression, and crying in my room, but yes: all this pain has made me the strong woman I am today, and has opened my heart and my mind to the beautiful things in this world. I think SP sufferers have an increased sensitivity which allows us to see some things that "normal" people will never see or feel: and am sure you see what I mean,
Indeed this experience can be a bad one, and am still weighting the positive and negative. As you said 'there is no guarantee' and relationships are about risk taking,
even though I have ended up hurt in the past, i want to look at my future, and I don't want regret anything: so if this guy shows good intentions, and respects my feelings and my body, then It would be a mistake to just let him go w/o any good reason
Time will bring the answer...
Well I could understand why you're reluctant to go ahead with this but also why you're wanting to push through and do it. Just make sure that this is something you want one hundred percent, don't let any small pressure make you feel like it's something you have to do or getting it over with because you want it since you've never had it.
I hope he's still as understanding as he has been for you lately. There are guys who will wait for you, my therapist told me that she was a virgin when she met her husband and he waited two years while they were married before she was comfortable having sex. Let it come naturally and there's nothing wrong if the moment comes and you're not ready, his judge of character will be how he acts if something like that does happen.
But all the best dear Sometimes you just have to jump if you're ready to and chances are you can get hurt but let it be a learning experience if that happens, hopefully things only work out in the best way though.
I hope he's still as understanding as he has been for you lately. There are guys who will wait for you, my therapist told me that she was a virgin when she met her husband and he waited two years while they were married before she was comfortable having sex. Let it come naturally and there's nothing wrong if the moment comes and you're not ready, his judge of character will be how he acts if something like that does happen.
But all the best dear
Sometimes you just have to jump if you're ready to and chances are you can get hurt but let it be a learning experience if that happens, hopefully things only work out in the best way though.Well I could understand why you're reluctant to go ahead with this but also why you're wanting to push through and do it. Just make sure that this is something you want one hundred percent, don't let any small pressure make you feel like it's something you have to do or getting it over with because you want it since you've never had it.
I hope he's still as understanding as he has been for you lately. There are guys who will wait for you, my therapist told me that she was a virgin when she met her husband and he waited two years while they were married before she was comfortable having sex. Let it come naturally and there's nothing wrong if the moment comes and you're not ready, his judge of character will be how he acts if something like that does happen.
But all the best dear
thanks so much, yeah I think this is gonna actually be a learning experience, and I am gonna go really slow: feel his body, feel my desires, listen to my body, enjoy the moment. I just don't want think about my SP, I just want feel good, feel safe and enjoy the moment. if it doesn't go well, I would just tell myself that I will meet a really nice guy who will take me to heavens
Thanks again, that's really helpful
Scrabbl
1
well said !
Pookah
Well-known member
It is easy to look at all this clinically until the moment comes and passes and you may realize you were more emotionally invested than you expected. Then comes pain if it goes wrong. It depends upon your own personality and what you can handle. If you can be somewhat detached from it then it is fine.
Whether you do it or not, take a certain attitude. I hate to say it, but women are often unbelievably in denial about men. And that's one reason why we get hurt and abused. After knowing him for such a short time, he could be anything. Even after years of marriage people find out their partner was living double life.
So maybe this guy is a good person and loves you. Maybe he's just interested in sex. Like Serafina said, you can't know. Waiting helps a bit, but still. The risk is always there.
So, be selfish because that's what guys do. Enjoy your time. Don't expect it to be perfect. If it isn't as great as you wished? You have lost nothing. Our culture is sexist and thinks that virginity of a woman is some ****ing treasure chest that a man robs. Ignore that. It's all about how you feel.
Don't take it too seriously. Even if it ends up being a miserable experience, you will get lots of other chances. Sex is just carnal pleasure. If you take care of safety, it's like eating a cake. You shouldn't analyze cake eating too much, right?
Woww!!! Excellent answer !!! thanks so muche: I think this is the level of maturity I wanted to reach, and am working on it !!! and just by reading all your answer, I already feel more confident and have a different-more realistic- vision of sex and relationships
Yes that's exactly the best 'safety net' in this kind of situations. Emotional moments like this are intense and we are somwhat 'weakened' that's why it's important to face it with strong self-confidence and be prepared to handle the best as well as the worst
Brokenx
1
If you have feelings for this guy i cannot see why it would be a problem to have sex with him.
I think sometimes in life you have to go with your instincts and i think this is one of them times, the first time is always daunting but you will get 'into it' there is no reason why you wouldn't.
Making love to the right person can be very amazing.
I think sometimes in life you have to go with your instincts and i think this is one of them times, the first time is always daunting but you will get 'into it' there is no reason why you wouldn't.
Making love to the right person can be very amazing.