My dad is a total monster.

[xxaimsxx]

I fhhisdfsdfsdfdfhsdfhuuisfsf

 

[Hadron]

I wish that's all my parents said about me. For once they don't consider me as their son anymore and they are convienced that I'm doomed to go to hell (nice).

My parents' behaviour stopped bothering me years ago, though.

 

[Dronee]

That's a very, very tough situation you're in. I can't really offer much except to say that in my opinion at least, you really can't blame your SA on yourself. You've been under pressures both obvious and subtle since a very young age.

As for the insults, I think that unless you really plan on something like leaving the house... fighting back with your own insults may be bad in the long run for everyone involved... I really don't know. I'm just sorry you had to go through this...

 

[davidburke]

sorry to hear your story :: would it help to contact social services or something?

 

[xxaimsxx]

sorry to hear your story :: would it help to contact social services or something?

if i did that i think i would break my mums heart and my dad doesnt beat me all the time. if i stay quiet its good for everyone. Obviously my mum isnt going to leave him so i'll have to go?

 

[market.garden]

I agree with Dronee - insulting your Dad back might make things worse in the long term if you end up staying at home.

Is it possible for you to stay at your grandparents at all? Just to get some space and time away from your Dad for a while?

 

[Luke1993]

I am in a similar situation however not with my dad (I've not seen him for a long time) but my uncle, he owns our house as we can't afford one of our own, and we have to do everything he says or else he throws us out (Although now I know it's just empty threats from him, he only wants to have power and control over us so he'd never do it). So I also want to get out the house as soon as I can.

What does your dad do for a living? Why do you think he drinks so often?

 

[xxaimsxx]

I am in a similar situation however not with my dad (I've not seen him for a long time) but my uncle, he owns our house as we can't afford one of our own, and we have to do everything he says or else he throws us out (Although now I know it's just empty threats from him, he only wants to have power and control over us so he'd never do it). So I also want to get out the house as soon as I can.

What does your dad do for a living? Why do you think he drinks so often?

Hes retired. Its only recently hes started drinking. Hes not an alcoholic (i think).

 

[Ignace]

Well, I don't know what I would do in such kind of situation, i guess i would just put a knife in my dad's leg. Well, if it's possible to stay at a friend's home for a while or someone of the familiy that would be great to give you both some space.

 

[davidburke]

i agree with market.garden if you can stay with other family/grandparents etc also do you talk about it to any of you other family/relations other than your sister? perhaps they may be able to help without your mother knowing you told them

 

[Newtype]

Stories like this piss me off. It sucks that you have to go through this.

Does your mom know that your dad hits you?

 

[Hellhound]

if i did that i think i would break my mums heart and my dad doesnt beat me all the time. if i stay quiet its good for everyone. Obviously my mum isnt going to leave him so i'll have to go?

It's not fair to you if you keep getting abused though. Your mom should think about it... Have you talked to her?

 

[mrb]

some people shouldnt be parents hes one of them by the sounds of it ... look at it this way you wont have to put up for it forever , when you do leave home and get your own life , you can just treat him like the waist of space he is , i do feel sorry for you mother as well , hopefully she will open her eyes see him for what he is and tell him to get lost one day ........

 

[chained]

yeah, someone mentioned staing wiht your grandparents and talking with your mom and think of it like this:
there are three of u, ur mom, ur sister and you.. and only one a$$whole..
but yeah, ur mom is blinded.. so maybe it is best u leave. i rly dont know..
and yes i also get pissd when i hear fo this.. my mom had problems wiht my dad but never this sever
and wheerhe insults u take it as he is just an old drunk who is miserbale of his own life and trying to make u miserable..i know he;s ur dad and it hurts, but u have to distance urself from him.. at least emotionally for now

 

[Dronee]

Hmmm... actually it sounds as if the alcohol is a major factor in the whole thing..

 

[mrb]

Hmmm... actually it sounds as if the alcohol is a major factor in the whole thing..

i agree mate but if alcohol makes you treat your kids like that then he shouldnt drink, i drink but id never talk to my kids like that , its no excuse ...

 

[Luthien]

I would of used a stonger word instead of monster but i dont think swearing is allowed of the forum. :S
Anyway point is my dad makes me feel like crap. Espesh recently. Its worse when hes drunk because then he says what hes really thinking.
For e.g i went to bed early yesterday because i had been up all night. I suffer from insomnia so i was awake all night and day and had to go to bed early i was exahuasted. Anyway my dad came into my room and started to make fun of me and he said in a really weired, nasty patronizing voice , 'Aww its a shame isnt it? Thats all you live for.. the telly, food then bed. Aww its a real shame because you havnt got a life.' Then he just walked out. It was the most horrible thing ever and i felt worthless and then just bursted out crying and then eventually fell asleep. :: Worst thing is i KNOW he meant it.

And today just then after coming in from the pub suprise suprise! He asked me 'did you cry when you went out today?' I said no because i didnt then he tried to put me down once more by basically slaggin me and my mum off because we got the wrong food from the supermarket! And he never goes.

I dont know why my mum puts up with it. Shes such a doormat its sad. When me and my sister were little we were nervous as anything because of him. I thought though it was just normal to be scared every now and then of your parents.
My nanna and grandad arnt fond of him either. He always used to mock my mums side of the family and embarrass her at family gatherings when i was a baby which i just found out from my mum.

Hes been ok for the last few months. Still he insulted me but it hasnt been this bad. And ive always blamed my social anxiety on myself but now im starting to think is there more to it after all these years,
I want to leave home i cant take it anymore. I cant speak to anyone. My sister is leaving at the end of this year for university. She cant stand my dad either.
I started to fight back though, just then. I asked him did he cry whilst he was in the PUB all day with all the wasters. Usually though if i do it too much i'll get hit.
What do i do now?
Should i leave home?

Okay, first off, your SA is NOT your fault. It's never the fault of the person suffering. Even if you came out of the womb that way, it's still not your fault. Your dad is a jerk. YOU would never treat anyone this way, yet you have his voice in your head repeating those nasty words so many times that the voice becomes yours, and that's where your SA is rooted.

I wouldn't recommend fighting back. If he has a tendency to get violent, that mixed with the drinking could turn into a REALLY bad situation. It's time you made your life your own, take back your control of your thoughts and actions. I know that is a HUGE decision, and I don't recommend you take it lightly. You need to decide, to call social services or leave home. It seems that those are your options at the moment, because lying down and taking it doesn't help anyone. It doesn't help you or your mom who are both under this man's thumb, and it doesn't help him, either because as long as he can do what he is doing, he'll never change.

Perhaps it would help to make a list of the pros and cons of each situation. I know you're afraid of how your mother would feel if you called social services, but this is a seriously abusive relationship. Have you talked to her about calling them? Perhaps you should tell her whats on your mind. Tell her that you are either leaving with or without her, and while you'd much rather leave with her, she has to make her own decisions because she is her own person.

It might also help to talk to your grandparents. They might be able to give you some advice or a place to crash when and if you need it.

Good luck, honey. It's a scary thing to drastically change your life, but I believe that you can do what needs to be done for your own safety, mental and physical. I'm so sorry that you've lived with this for so long, but I want you to know that I think you're wonderful and that YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED BADLY. Follow the advice that you would give to someone you love.

 

[Lost Girl]

Out of curiosity, how old are you, Aims? If you have somewhere else you could move to, then that would be best.

My dad was an abusive shet as well. Emotional, mentally, and physically. I didn't have any other family, so I ran away many times and stayed with friends, but my father absolutely harassed all my friend's parents day and night until I was finally given up by someone. After 3 times of that happening (and after him promising he will no longer hit me or name-call and abuse me anymore, and instead getting WORSE everytime) I ran away one last time and jumped on buses and trains to a place I'd never been or had any connection to so that he wouldn't find me. And basically my plan was just to live on the street I guess...in retrospect that was one of the most retarded things I could have ever done...but at the time it seemed like my only option. Luckily I was helped by someone who ended up being the love of my life.

I do NOT suggest you go to the streets like I stupidly did, but getting away to a safe place I think is your only option. No one should live that way, or get that sort of treatment from the ones that should love and praise you the most ::. I wish you all the best, Aims. xx