My counsellor
- Thread starter emre43
- Start date
emre43
Well-known member
I have missed her for all the time that she has been gone but I have just suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of sadness that she's not here anymore. Two months have passed since she left and I just had another cry. I would do anything and travel anywhere just to see her again. There aren't enough superlatives in the world to describe what she means to me. :
:
:
emre43
Well-known member
Yeah I agree with you. She has changed me but I suppose I haven't actually put any of this into practice yet simply because I have missed her so much and haven't been able to concentrate on anything else. I just feel that no self-respecting girl in her right mind would want anything to do with a loser like me and if I do meet somebody they will never mean anywhere near as much to me as she did. But your right I will have to get on with things and use her as my inspiration; I suppose when I think of her as a catalyst, in a way, it immortalises her and I don't miss her so much because it feels like she's still helping me.
Your message has actually really helped me Jewel so thank you very much for that.
P.S. Although she wasn't affected to anywhere near the same level that I have been by it, it did affect her. She said that she felt guilty about the situation and also that she was pleased that she had met me because it made her feel good that she was making me feel better and happier as well.
Your message has actually really helped me Jewel so thank you very much for that.
P.S. Although she wasn't affected to anywhere near the same level that I have been by it, it did affect her. She said that she felt guilty about the situation and also that she was pleased that she had met me because it made her feel good that she was making me feel better and happier as well.
Last edited:
emre43
Well-known member
I told my new counsellor that I was really missing my former counsellor and I wish that I hadn't done so now. I was told that my former counsellor would have been trained in body language and that she would have known that I really liked her and that she made a mistake in not transferring me to see a different counsellor and seemed to generally be critical about her. This really made me angry and annoyed as firstly, my former counsellor was easily the most positive influential person on me that I have ever met. Secondly, if I had been transferred this would have made me feel 1,000 times as bad as I do now, so, from a personal point-of-view she made completely the right decision. Maybe I am overreacting but I am not sure that I want to see my new counsellor anymore as I don't feel comfortable around her anymore. I'm not sure what to do.
I doubt whether it's real love. And that's not me patronising you, but you see her as one who is truly interested in listening to you and caring about you...yet still being detached.
This happened with my therapist, but it was more like a maternal kind of 'love.' It wasn't love at all, it was just me loving the fact she took an interest in me and my problems. And probably partly because I was really grateful there was at least one person in my life who wanted to know if I was happy or not, I don't get a shred of love or care from my biological mother. You'll move on, trust me, and you'll find someone else who cares and supports you too. It's understandable you got detached, a lot of people do. But it's her job to help, she's being paid to care and support, in a way. (Although she might genuinely do care if you saw her for a long period of time, I obviously can't say that with certainty.)
Guess what? After I stopped seeing that therapist, I found a friend (haha,and no, he's not paid to talk, listen, care or love me) but he does. Isn't that so much better than a therapist? They're always going to be temporary, so perhaps in the meantime try finding friends (if you can, people are mainly dicks now, it's difficult) who you could see being friends with for a long time. And try not to get too attached, remember, these people are being paid to listen and respond to you.
This happened with my therapist, but it was more like a maternal kind of 'love.' It wasn't love at all, it was just me loving the fact she took an interest in me and my problems. And probably partly because I was really grateful there was at least one person in my life who wanted to know if I was happy or not, I don't get a shred of love or care from my biological mother. You'll move on, trust me, and you'll find someone else who cares and supports you too. It's understandable you got detached, a lot of people do. But it's her job to help, she's being paid to care and support, in a way. (Although she might genuinely do care if you saw her for a long period of time, I obviously can't say that with certainty.)
Guess what? After I stopped seeing that therapist, I found a friend (haha,and no, he's not paid to talk, listen, care or love me) but he does. Isn't that so much better than a therapist? They're always going to be temporary, so perhaps in the meantime try finding friends (if you can, people are mainly dicks now, it's difficult) who you could see being friends with for a long time. And try not to get too attached, remember, these people are being paid to listen and respond to you.
emre43
Well-known member
I know that to an outsider that this sounds like it can't be real love but I would be willing to bet my life that it is. She wasn't being paid at all she was a volunteer, taking time out of her own life to help me. She was a very attractive young woman around the same age as me. She also said that she enjoyed working with me because she felt that she was helping me and it made her feel good. I would say that she probably did care, however, like you, I can't be certain of this, but having seen her for what was a longish period of time I suspect that she did. My new counsellor even said that she probably did care because it is natural when you build up a friendly relationship with somebody that you do care for one another's wellbeing. I would like to meet new people but I honestly can't see them meaning more to me than my former counsellor did. In my eyes she was perfect in every way and nobody will ever be able to better that.
Last edited:
emre43
Well-known member
I just told an online doctor about how much I miss my counsellor. He responded by telling me that I'm suffering from obsessive love disorder. I looked this up and apparently if it is untreated it can lead to stalking, rape and murder.
I don't think I'm obsessional about her, I just miss her like anybody would miss someone that they had strong feelings for. I have recently been trying to find her just because I want to continue having counselling sessions with her, not for anything more sinister than that. I could never harm a hair on her body.
This stupid doctor though has got me questioning my own sanity and made me start thinking that I'm psychotic. Hurting her is the last thing that I would ever do.
I'm so confused...
I don't think I'm obsessional about her, I just miss her like anybody would miss someone that they had strong feelings for. I have recently been trying to find her just because I want to continue having counselling sessions with her, not for anything more sinister than that. I could never harm a hair on her body.
This stupid doctor though has got me questioning my own sanity and made me start thinking that I'm psychotic. Hurting her is the last thing that I would ever do.
I'm so confused...
TheSanctuarian
Well-known member
I don't think you are psychotic, as your councillor would have picked it up.
but with regards to telling him/her that you missed your old councillor due to the feelings you had for her; I am going to be blunt. [sorry] If she was aware that you had feelings for her, she would have HAD to stop seeing you. no matter how much of a friend you saw her as, she is a professional, and must remain one. it is the equivalent to a teacher having mutual feelings to a school child. its not meant to happen.
but with regards to telling him/her that you missed your old councillor due to the feelings you had for her; I am going to be blunt. [sorry] If she was aware that you had feelings for her, she would have HAD to stop seeing you. no matter how much of a friend you saw her as, she is a professional, and must remain one. it is the equivalent to a teacher having mutual feelings to a school child. its not meant to happen.
emre43
Well-known member
I did actually tell her that I had feelings for her. Maybe I'm being naive and missing something but I've never understood why a counsellor can't have a relationship with a client. If you are two consenting adults why should it matter if you want to get into a relationship with one another. With a teacher and a school child the reason being is obviously because the school child is underage. But I don't understand how two consenting adults can have their feelings dictated.
Last edited:
I just told an online doctor about how much I miss my counsellor. He responded by telling me that I'm suffering from obsessive love disorder. I looked this up and apparently if it is untreated it can lead to stalking, rape and murder.
I don't think I'm obsessional about her, I just miss her like anybody would miss someone that they had strong feelings for. I have recently been trying to find her just because I want to continue having counselling sessions with her, not for anything more sinister than that. I could never harm a hair on her body.
This stupid doctor though has got me questioning my own sanity and made me start thinking that I'm psychotic. Hurting her is the last thing that I would ever do.
I'm so confused...
An online doctor? We have a few of those here lol, take no notice and stick to professionals with thier qualifiactions on the wall that you can read (in real life)!
emre43
Well-known member
I should do, but I looked this guy up and he's registered with the American Medical Association.
Good god, how much did that cost you?
emre43
Well-known member
Nothing, it was free.
emre43
Well-known member
I know that this thread is really old but I would really like to talk about this situation with other people.
My ex-counsellor was the most naturally beautiful woman that I have ever seen. When I was seeing her, despite her beauty, I had no sexual thoughts towards her I was completely enamoured and really appreciated her as a human being. However, now that she has gone I have started to forget what she looks like (I wish that I had a photograph just so that I could remember her). Because of the fact that I am starting to forget what she looks like my memories of her are also being tarnished by sexual thoughts of her which I really don't want (is it weird to find somebody physically attractive but not want sexual thoughts about them?). I really want to remember her for the help that she gave me and the person that she was rather than as a slab of meat. Also as time has passed I have stopped missing her as much but I actually preferred it when I did miss her as my memories of her were more complete then and that is what I want. This situation feels worse than losing somebody to a death as I have nothing to remember her by and all I want is to be able to remember her.
My ex-counsellor was the most naturally beautiful woman that I have ever seen. When I was seeing her, despite her beauty, I had no sexual thoughts towards her I was completely enamoured and really appreciated her as a human being. However, now that she has gone I have started to forget what she looks like (I wish that I had a photograph just so that I could remember her). Because of the fact that I am starting to forget what she looks like my memories of her are also being tarnished by sexual thoughts of her which I really don't want (is it weird to find somebody physically attractive but not want sexual thoughts about them?). I really want to remember her for the help that she gave me and the person that she was rather than as a slab of meat. Also as time has passed I have stopped missing her as much but I actually preferred it when I did miss her as my memories of her were more complete then and that is what I want. This situation feels worse than losing somebody to a death as I have nothing to remember her by and all I want is to be able to remember her.
emre43
Well-known member
This post is quite judgmental but I need to speak to people about this because I am getting stressed/depressed by it.
This week I've had an overhwleming feeling of sadness because I miss her so much. I think she is the only woman that I have ever felt genuinely attracted to. She wasn't like the other girls my age and in my area. My generation seem to spend all of their time boozing and smoking on street corners with their fake hair extensions, nails, tans, pierced tongues, their faces lathered in make-up and mini-skirts that are more like belts. none of these things attract me; in fact they repulse me.
She was so unique. Every time I saw her she would always wear long sleeves and a knee-length floral skirt which I found to be so feminine and natural. In my eyes she was flawless and I don't think that I will ever find anybody who can better her. Even if I do it has taken me 22 years to find my perfect woman and by my calculations that will make me 44 before I find my next one.
This week I've had an overhwleming feeling of sadness because I miss her so much. I think she is the only woman that I have ever felt genuinely attracted to. She wasn't like the other girls my age and in my area. My generation seem to spend all of their time boozing and smoking on street corners with their fake hair extensions, nails, tans, pierced tongues, their faces lathered in make-up and mini-skirts that are more like belts. none of these things attract me; in fact they repulse me.
She was so unique. Every time I saw her she would always wear long sleeves and a knee-length floral skirt which I found to be so feminine and natural. In my eyes she was flawless and I don't think that I will ever find anybody who can better her. Even if I do it has taken me 22 years to find my perfect woman and by my calculations that will make me 44 before I find my next one.
I say this out of kindness...prepare yourself.....it's tough love.....quite tough but only becasue I care.
1) You have built her up to be your dream woman, she is not perfect, you saw her for an hour a week? That is not enough to get to know someone (dont argue that with me just listen) Its not. Its didn't happen and its not going to.
2) There are plenty of girls out there who do not present themselves like that. You will never meet any of them with your current attitude. While you're busy obsessing over this counsellor (who isn't who you think she is-you only know her in her professional capacity and btw she could have been doing it for work experience shes young she needs a placement to get a job she needs experience. Lots of people volunteer this way shes not a saint. She did it for herself.And She was obviously inexperiened or she would have nipped this in the bud)
3) This is obsession. You can not deny it. If this was your ex-gf it would be also be obsession and unhealthy, You need to let go and move on. There are bigger things in life than romance. There are bigger problems in life. (While I realise that to you this is a huge problem, trust me there are worse)
I know I'm being hard on you but it's because I've followed this thread in the hope that you'll wake up, I tried nicey nicey and I just fed your misery, you need to let go. You need to be shaken up and really see this.
STOP TRING TO PROVE ITS REAL LOVE AND CONSIDER THAT ITS NOT AND YOU ARE MISSING OUT WHILE YOU'RE BUSY OBSESSING AND TRYING TO CONVINCE US IT IS. JUST CONSIDER THAT IT IS NOT.
Now life goes on. And believe me it does.
1) You have built her up to be your dream woman, she is not perfect, you saw her for an hour a week? That is not enough to get to know someone (dont argue that with me just listen) Its not. Its didn't happen and its not going to.
2) There are plenty of girls out there who do not present themselves like that. You will never meet any of them with your current attitude. While you're busy obsessing over this counsellor (who isn't who you think she is-you only know her in her professional capacity and btw she could have been doing it for work experience shes young she needs a placement to get a job she needs experience. Lots of people volunteer this way shes not a saint. She did it for herself.And She was obviously inexperiened or she would have nipped this in the bud)
3) This is obsession. You can not deny it. If this was your ex-gf it would be also be obsession and unhealthy, You need to let go and move on. There are bigger things in life than romance. There are bigger problems in life. (While I realise that to you this is a huge problem, trust me there are worse)
I know I'm being hard on you but it's because I've followed this thread in the hope that you'll wake up, I tried nicey nicey and I just fed your misery, you need to let go. You need to be shaken up and really see this.
STOP TRING TO PROVE ITS REAL LOVE AND CONSIDER THAT ITS NOT AND YOU ARE MISSING OUT WHILE YOU'RE BUSY OBSESSING AND TRYING TO CONVINCE US IT IS. JUST CONSIDER THAT IT IS NOT.
Now life goes on. And believe me it does.
Solitudes_Grace
Well-known member
I read through the thread, and I'm just going to be blunt. The best advice any human being could give you in this situation is to simply let her go. I know it can be tough, but letting her go is the number one best thing you could possibly do for yourself and for her.