moving away from parent/s

[dyingtolive]

hi. i think a major reason why i have SA is becoz i live with my parent. its like being in the nest, and theres this guilt if i stray too far from home.. its like, my subconscious is set in 'don't fly away' mode.. like it stops me from doing things i want to do becoz its in that 'stuck in the closed loop of security' mode..

i feel like if i just moved out.. i could get my life moving, i could have more courage, i could be my own. i wanna take the first steps in that direction soon..

anyway.. for those of u in my situation and can relate.. and are planning to move out.. or atleast are willing or even wishing or dreaming to move out...

would be great to hear from you

 

[LonelyWonders]

Moving out really helped me, granted i'm only 16 I feel more confident now that I know what I can do myself.

It made me feel more secure in my own strength and was a great move on my part, although it did take a lot of effort to muster up the courage and explain things to my parents about my plan on moving out.

It's a really good idea in my opinion and although it takes time to adjust it's worth it greatly.

Goodluck, I really hope it works out well for you

 

[dyingtolive]

wow man thats awesome! do u support urself? or ur folks paying for the place? is this for schooling? im already going 28 and havnt ever lived alone

 

[LonelyWonders]

wow man thats awesome! do u support urself? or ur folks paying for the place? is this for schooling? im already going 28 and havnt ever lived alone

Ya, barely tho. My parents don't pay for anything for me anymore. No, I actually ended up moving farther from my pickup stop for the bus since I cannot drive :\. and ya but as you said, you'd feel more guilty for leaving. I felt really bad all the time taking away from what my parents had.

You can do it though, and you'll feel so much better when you do!
Trusttt me

 

[ilovenoodles]

Yeah, i can definitely relate to your situation!
It's like a safe zone to live with my parents...
I want to become more independent and that's why i want to move out.
One of the reasons though...
Being alone is something that i fear.
Therefore i made some plans already, and still making more plans so i will be prepared to live alone.
On the other side i see it as an adventure too!

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I would encourage moving out too, and refusing money from your parents except occasionnally. It will force you to do things on your own, make you more mature and if you really try to do things right you will feel way better with yourself.

 

[ilovenoodles]

I would encourage moving out too, and refusing money from your parents except occasionnally. It will force you to do things on your own, make you more mature and if you really try to do things right you will feel way better with yourself.

That's such an inspiring post.

 

[BashfulDoll]

I am soooo scared to move out! I've wanted to like run away when I was like 16 and was such a coward I couldn't do it. Now I'm kinda forced to be on my own bcos we're being evicted and my moms moving withher b/f and says there's no room for me so if I don't get into college or move with in with my siblings I'm f-cked ;_;

 

[lunarla]

I didn't really waaaaant to move out. But it just wasn't, and had never really been, a good environment. But now that I have, it's perfectly fine. I've always been really independent from my parents.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

The very instant I can afford it, which it would be less than a year after I get my Associate Degree (a bit more that two years from now), I'm getting the hell out of my house.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I believe that being self-sufficient and dealing with living on your own and taking care of yourself is very important to a person's self-confidence. I also believe that once you gain that self-confidence, it gives you the belief in yourself to try other things, and to step further outside your comfort zone, and success there builds your confidence further still.

 

[Gray]

This is something i've been wondering about myself for quite a while, though at the same time i don't feel as if the time is really right to fly the coup. In one instance i don't want to obviously want to live with my mum for all eternity, a time will inevitably come where it has to be done.

But being 27 years old, it's somewhat difficult given the situation i am in, more so for my mums well-being than my own potential true-happiness.

For one i am the youngest of the son's, so it was obviously going to be difficult from the off. But then a good 10 years ago one of my brothers died, and a few years after that my mum was visiting his gravesite when she was attacked/mugged.

This obviously made her even more worried about being on her own. At the time my dad was alive, but he was still working away most days so it would be only me and her. I do remember one particular instance where i went on a date with some girl i knew, my mum pretty much didn't want me to go though.

In the end i felt quite guilty about it, and towards the end of the night i ended up deciding to finish the date early (Dammit, just as i got to her place!) and go home. I was mega pissed when i got home though to relise mum had brought one of my nieces over to stay the night. Missed opportunity #2!

But then a few years later once more, dad died so it was only me and my mum alone again. I think it was at this point my anxiety got even worse (Due to death, work, and just social stuff in general) so i ended up staying at home all the time...

There is a slight silver lining now though which has come up the past week. It seems my nephew (of brother who died) had being getting physically abused by his other grandparents, and as such we managed to get temporary custody over him for the forseeable future.

This means i am essentially not the youngest anymore, and attention could very well be diverted from me onto him now, who needs it more so.

 

[Patrick26]

My dad tells me i'll never survive on my own because i'm dumb. I wanna move out because how open i am with him and always wanting to hear him pull me down so i can continue feeling like ****. Or even like last night...he was pissed off at his game when i was talking to him he was screaming his ass off at me and i'm the one that caused him to die in his RPG's or w/e.

 

[Zav]

I've been moved out for over four years now, living with a friend/roommate. It hasn't made my situation any better or more sociable. But he is just about as friendless as I am, if not, moreso. We both just kinda mind ourselves and get along pretty well.

 

[theslowesthand]

I've been moved out for over four years now, living with a friend/roommate. It hasn't made my situation any better or more sociable

A perspective on the long-term: Been living alone (since leaving "nest") for over 15 years now. It didnt really make hardly any difference to my life, except that i now had to do own shopping & meals. Apart from those things i basically stayed excatly the same. A bit more independent in theory, but in practise it did not manifest to much diferent than the usual. You are as you are. Leaving the nest is no gurantee that "life will start happening" for you. If you change some of your ways & beliefs, well maybe, but if not, then nothing will change. It's all in your mind(set).

 

[DarthMessias]

Leaving your parents nest can be a good way to increase your confidence and let you become more mature. But with that said...it does not mean that you automically become a more sociable person. Being a sociable person requires other skills that isn't necessarily connected to how you live at home. If it was, how come that there are still so many shy people living alone?

 

[dyingtolive]

Yeah, i can definitely relate to your situation!
It's like a safe zone to live with my parents...
I want to become more independent and that's why i want to move out.
One of the reasons though...
Being alone is something that i fear.
Therefore i made some plans already, and still making more plans so i will be prepared to live alone.
On the other side i see it as an adventure too!

hi, what plans have u made? are ulooking for places already? or canvassing for stuff to buy?

 

[dyingtolive]

I am soooo scared to move out! I've wanted to like run away when I was like 16 and was such a coward I couldn't do it. Now I'm kinda forced to be on my own bcos we're being evicted and my moms moving withher b/f and says there's no room for me so if I don't get into college or move with in with my siblings I'm f-cked ;_;

hows moving in with ur siblings? is that ur back-up plan? which would u prefer though?

 

[dyingtolive]

I believe that being self-sufficient and dealing with living on your own and taking care of yourself is very important to a person's self-confidence. I also believe that once you gain that self-confidence, it gives you the belief in yourself to try other things, and to step further outside your comfort zone, and success there builds your confidence further still.

thanks a lot, thats very motivating! and thats a nice way of wording the jumbled feelings i couldnt express

 

[dyingtolive]

@ Gray, thats quite a story. I can see how ur mom's fear rubbed off on you.. Even if its not her fault.. Its how my Mom is. She's terribly afraid.. and being around her.. Her vibe rubs off on you.. It can't be helped. Like the worrying when you were on a date. Exactly like that.. Im also the youngest so i can relate a bit.. Sorry 2 hear about the nephews abuse. How old is he? I hope ur mom and u are enjoying his company and good luck on what happens from now onwards!