Mental message?

[JosephG]

whenever I am conversing with people sometimes I'll start being completely aware of myself in that situation. It is like an OCD style intrusive thought that is like "You're socialising, you have SA, you can't do this". And it's so hard to forget about it. And because you are thinking about it you can't think about the conversation and therefore things start going wrong.
Anybody else experience this/ have tips at how to get past this?

 

[JamesSmith]

yes, I've experienced this before. It happens because our worry gets so powerful that it's louder inside our head and dominates our thoughts. I had trouble paying attention in school because of worry when i was younger. I would always be thinking about something selfish instead of listening to what the teacher was saying. It wasn't until i got sent to a boarding school with smaller classrooms that I was able to focus easier and improved my grades. I had problems in college cuz of my anxiety too. There were more people in class and I just had trouble feeling comfortable.

 

[Minty]

Yeah, I often become hyper aware of everything. Like self-conscious to an extreme level. I feel really weird because the other person is lost in the conversation and here I am, barely able to focus on what they're saying because my senses are being overwhelmed.

Dunno why I evolved to be this way. Doesn't seem like a survival mechanism at all. If anything, paralysis due to hyper awareness would put you in danger. It's stupid.

 

[BlueDays]

I know what you mean. I have all soughts of thoughts going on in my mind while I am having a conversation.

I have been able to somehow learn to "multi-task" while in the conversation. Like when secretaries used to have to use short-hand. They had to listen and store what was being said, while writing at the same time.
I can't explain how i do it though as I m not sure myself.

 

[Phoenixx]

I've definitely experienced this more than once. It's weird. Like, yesterday in English we each were given a character from a movie we had watched and we had to debate in front of everyone why we thought our character was the most important. Well, my turn came and I was talking, and then that intrusive thought of "You're talking and everyone's staring at you. You can't do this." came into my head and I almost stopped mid-sentence because I got so anxious. Usually when this happens I just force myself to keep talking and push all the thoughts to the back of my head. It works, but I still have the anxiety even afterwards. Takes me a good half hour to calm down.

 

[Feathers]

It's worse when I'm hungry or magnesium deficient, so eating something helps, omega 3 is really good too.. (nibbling pumpkinseeds for magnesium & zinc as I type ) a cocoa can help me calm down too.. observe yourself.. get informed..

Also, the anti-SA 'Step by Step' approach might be helpful for you? The guy who wrote it calls these thoughts 'ants' and 'lies' Really helpful imagery... You mustn't believe those lies, and gotta fight'em off..

The book Meeting People is Fun partly addresses these/similar thoughts too, and Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People too.. Or Feel the Fear & Do It..

CBT can be helpful too.. Or even just looking at this forum - many people here have SA & still do BRAVE things!!

 

[Sial Axetder]

It's worse when I'm hungry or magnesium deficient, so eating something helps, omega 3 is really good too.. (nibbling pumpkinseeds for magnesium & zinc as I type ) a cocoa can help me calm down too.. observe yourself.. get informed..

Also, the anti-SA 'Step by Step' approach might be helpful for you? The guy who wrote it calls these thoughts 'ants' and 'lies' Really helpful imagery... You mustn't believe those lies, and gotta fight'em off..

The book Meeting People is Fun partly addresses these/similar thoughts too, and Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People too.. Or Feel the Fear & Do It..

CBT can be helpful too.. Or even just looking at this forum - many people here have SA & still do BRAVE things!!

Define Brave.::

I have to ask, do you read a lot? How is it you know all these things?

How long did it take to realise the affect of mood by being deficient in or over-indulgent in what is eaten/drank?

Anyway, I find turning my attention to the person talking, eyes to eyes, even for a brief moment, stops other thoughts. Concentration restored.

 

[Snowdrop]

I definitely experience this. There are times when I will feel more confident for reasons unknown but sometimes I will feel like there is no helping my social anxiety, like there is nothing that I can do to help myself, so I become kind of defeatist and those exact thoughts run through my head, but I can't stop it. Usually this makes me even more inept at conversation, I become quieter, avoidant and less coherent in what I am saying..

 

[Feathers]

Define Brave.::

I have to ask, do you read a lot? How is it you know all these things?

How long did it take to realise the affect of mood by being deficient in or over-indulgent in what is eaten/drank?

Anyway, I find turning my attention to the person talking, eyes to eyes, even for a brief moment, stops other thoughts. Concentration restored.

Ha ha, yes, I do read a lot.. I like reading.. And can read quite quickly too..
I've read books on these things since I was a teen.. They were helpful..
About food - I read about it years ago, my dad cured his rheumatism/back ache/ache in joints with nutrition, so I knew health is related to what you eat..
I had some health problems a few years ago and read about minerals/vitamins/nutrition some more, and when experimenting with nutrition I observed changes in the mood/energy/lack of thoughts too!!

Brave = doing what you want to do even if you're afraid!! And living to post about it!

 

[JosephG]

I try and try to be brave!
I think I am brave. But something just doesn't work. I try and try and try and never prevail. I even feel I struggle to respond on this forum. The conversation never flows.
What is this step by step approach that you speak of? Is there any information/details online?
I am currently sitting with my friends whilst on the laptop. They can't see I am on this site. If I try to make conversation with them know it will just fail immediately. I think they feel uncomfortable speaking to me because they know the conversation will go nowhere and then they'll feel awkward. I don't know what to do anymore!!

sigh.

I don't think I am even that anxious. Or maybe I am and just am in denial. But I don't feel any of the physical symptoms like trembling, nausea etc. I just feel like I cannot contribute. It's so strange. maybe someone can try and explain what I am going through I dunno D;
Feeling really depressed right now..

 

[Minty]

I don't think I am even that anxious. Or maybe I am and just am in denial. But I don't feel any of the physical symptoms like trembling, nausea etc. I just feel like I cannot contribute. It's so strange. maybe someone can try and explain what I am going through I dunno D;
Feeling really depressed right now..

Hmm, I see a lot of people questioning whether or not they have anxiety because they don't experience physical symptoms. But you have anxious thoughts, no? You worry and stress out over social situations? That is a symptom of anxiety.

I hope you feel better soon. <3

 

[JosephG]

Hmm, I see a lot of people questioning whether or not they have anxiety because they don't experience physical symptoms. But you have anxious thoughts, no? You worry and stress out over social situations? That is a symptom of anxiety.

I hope you feel better soon. <3

I do occasionally get physical symptoms. Especially in a room full of people at say a party.
But when I'm with my friends I'm fine (in terms of what I see as being anxious) - and yet I still can't rouse conversation. My mind is just blank. There's nothing to say.

also - I'm not scared of approaching people and giving it a go - trying to rouse a conversation but it never works. This is so horrible.

Minty thanks for your kind words

I think I may need to make a new thread about thinking.. I've just had some thoughts...

 

[Snowdrop]

Just wondering whether it feels like you're not 'whole' or 'real', like a person. Sounds like a really strange question but..it's just that everything you've described applies to me, and this is also what I feel. I've gotten used to the feeling of 'being removed' from my friends even when I'm sitting next to them, but I'll try to describe it as best I can.
When I'm with them, I have topics in my head that I sort of label as "safe" to talk to them about, everything else I'm afraid to say for whatever reason. I can't go on talking for a long time, they're always short answers I give, usually it's agreeing with people, I even question and pretend not to understand something longer just so that i'll have more conversation with them. Feels like conversation is a whole other paranoid phenomenon for me. I'll have thoughts flying around in my head that have nothing to do with the conversation and yet I can't get rid of them, but I seem to have learnt how to multi-task without seeming completely stupid on the outside, so only a "part" of me is expressed, like the other parts are too busy concentrating on my whirlwind of thoughts.
I also have let's call them 'barriers' in my head that try not to offend people or be stupid/negative in any way as I'm constantly afraid of seeming bad infront of others.

Anyway sorry for the long reply, but do you have any of this?

 

[JamesSmith]

Does anyone else have the notion that when we ignore other people we are being incredibly egotistical and self-centered? Whether we mean to ignore people or not, we are putting our own thoughts or worries above what the other person is saying. The quote that says, "shyness is egoism out of it's depth." I'm really starting to relate this quote to myself.

 

[spaceboy135]

You ignore the negative thoughts even if they don't go away. The more you do this, the weaker they become. I know from experience!

 

[Snowdrop]

Does anyone else have the notion that when we ignore other people we are being incredibly egotistical and self-centered? Whether we mean to ignore people or not, we are putting our own thoughts or worries above what the other person is saying. The quote that says, "shyness is egoism out of it's depth." I'm really starting to relate this quote to myself.

Yes I get this, I'm normally paranoid anyway so when, for example, I'm the only one not talking in a group, I'll think that other people are thinking that I'm either 1. Really weird, 2. Up myself, egotistical and judging others 3. A boring, sad person. Or a combination of all 3, ofc.

 

[JosephG]

Just wondering whether it feels like you're not 'whole' or 'real', like a person. Sounds like a really strange question but..it's just that everything you've described applies to me, and this is also what I feel. I've gotten used to the feeling of 'being removed' from my friends even when I'm sitting next to them, but I'll try to describe it as best I can.
When I'm with them, I have topics in my head that I sort of label as "safe" to talk to them about, everything else I'm afraid to say for whatever reason. I can't go on talking for a long time, they're always short answers I give, usually it's agreeing with people, I even question and pretend not to understand something longer just so that i'll have more conversation with them. Feels like conversation is a whole other paranoid phenomenon for me. I'll have thoughts flying around in my head that have nothing to do with the conversation and yet I can't get rid of them, but I seem to have learnt how to multi-task without seeming completely stupid on the outside, so only a "part" of me is expressed, like the other parts are too busy concentrating on my whirlwind of thoughts.
I also have let's call them 'barriers' in my head that try not to offend people or be stupid/negative in any way as I'm constantly afraid of seeming bad infront of others.

Anyway sorry for the long reply, but do you have any of this?

I feel real most of the time (in extreme anxiety which is much rarer recently I have depersonalisation etc and feel detached from myself which is really scary).
If you mean do I feel normal? Then no. I don't feel like a normal person. It's like I am missing something: the ability to think freely about things which aren't about my problems. Constantly analysing, thinking about what is up with me, how I can improve whilst others are probably wondering whether bacon would taste nice with ice cream haha.

I go through most of what you described above. I like you am afraid to offend people. So I won't say what I really think (when I do actually have a mental response to something!) or I won't say it because it might be disagreeable with someone (doesn't fit in with their character).
However I think this is a good thing! A disagreement in views is always a good format for a conversation because both parties get to discuss their differences of opinion and learn about eachother. I wish I could apply what I've just said at the time and just do it! haha

I hope what I posted above is coherent. I am at the moment starting to lack coherence in the things I am saying (probably because I do not say that much at the minute!)

Don't worry I like long replies! I think mine is longer XD

 

[JosephG]

Does anyone else have the notion that when we ignore other people we are being incredibly egotistical and self-centered? Whether we mean to ignore people or not, we are putting our own thoughts or worries above what the other person is saying. The quote that says, "shyness is egoism out of it's depth." I'm really starting to relate this quote to myself.

Yes! I worry that when for example: I blank someone in a queue and don't make the standard eye contact and break into small talk that they think I am arrogant.
I in the past have dealt with shy and socially anxious people (before I had BIG problems with my SA) and would be a bit annoyed when they wouldn't conform to the "social norm" and make eye contact with me etc. It makes you think "Why don't they wanna talk to me, do they not like me? They're arrogant" which in turn can make you hostile to them etc.
Now I have problems with shyness/SA I totally understand why those people were like that to me and can now see what causes people to not like me when I am not talkative to people.

I think people who are shy themselves tend to realise that you are not infact arrogant. But I find extroverts find it very hard to deal with! They expect everyone to be so talkative. It pisses me off sometimes....
Guess I've been on both sides of the fence at different times in my life!

 

[Chriiss]

I find it hard to disagree with people too.. Like I completely disagree with what the person has said but don't have the confidence to argue my point.
Also when I have family down my house.. Like my grandparents... And it's a room full of people.. Everyones talking over each other.. I just zone out like I'm in the room but am not absorbing what anyone is saying and I just get lost in my own thoughts.

 

[madmike]

Ahah, this has started happening to me recently, but it's a relatively new thing. I was having a conversation with one of my Professors the other day about a book review i wrote, and he kept blabbing on about what i should do to improve on it. The i suddenly became aware of myself in the situation and started panicking a little- just kind of wanted to leave as soon as possible lol.

I became really paranoid as well and felt like he'd got into my head and knew exactly what i was thinking... horrible!