Loyal's Thoughts

[PugofCrydee]

Lets just hope it pays off in my favour for a change

I've got my fingers crossed..

 

[LoyalXenite]

For xmas my mother is getting me a tattoo (or possibly two if I choose two smaller ones and they come under budget). So Im working on my designs for the 3 I have planned. I need some advice on one of them. So I plan to get a dnd related one (dnd has been a big part of keeping me going these last few years and it/my dnd group have meant so much to me and really helped me when the mental health stuff gets rough). The design I've got I wanted to work in the first initial of the 3 people I play with- but Im worried its something that might make them uncomfortable. Is that something I should check if they're ok with first? their initials arent the focal point, but a smaller/somewhat snuck in detail.

Do you guys think I should ask them before including that bit?

 

[Miserum]

For xmas my mother is getting me a tattoo (or possibly two if I choose two smaller ones and they come under budget). So Im working on my designs for the 3 I have planned. I need some advice on one of them. So I plan to get a dnd related one (dnd has been a big part of keeping me going these last few years and it/my dnd group have meant so much to me and really helped me when the mental health stuff gets rough). The design I've got I wanted to work in the first initial of the 3 people I play with- but Im worried its something that might make them uncomfortable. Is that something I should check if they're ok with first? their initials arent the focal point, but a smaller/somewhat snuck in detail.

Do you guys think I should ask them before including that bit?

I personally would ask them if they would be weirded out by it. I assume they would be okay with it if you are close. If someone I was close to wanted to initial my first name into a tattoo, I would be flattered (so long as it wasn't a tattoo of an anus, or located on their anus).

However, the pessimist in me also says that if you were to have a falling out with any of them, having their initial on your body might become an annoyance for you.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I personally would ask them if they would be weirded out by it. I assume they would be okay with it if you are close. If someone I was close to wanted to initial my first name into a tattoo, I would be flattered (so long as it wasn't a tattoo of an anus, or located on their anus).

However, the pessimist in me also says that if you were to have a falling out with any of them, having their initial on your body might become an annoyance for you.

Definitely not planned for the anus Inner forearm is the planned location.

Yeah I have considered the falling out possibility, but unless the falling out ends up being a massive blow out they'll always have been an important part of my life that got me through some real dark patches, plus my first dnd group so significant in that way too. Worst case scenario, 3 small individual letters are easily covered up

 

[Miserum]

Definitely not planned for the anus Inner forearm is the planned location.

Yeah I have considered the falling out possibility, but unless the falling out ends up being a massive blow out they'll always have been an important part of my life that got me through some real dark patches, plus my first dnd group so significant in that way too. Worst case scenario, 3 small individual letters are easily covered up

Sounds like you've got it figured out. Go ahead and ask them.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Sometimes its very lucky that most of my conversing happens virtually. My mother sent me an absolutely infuriating message, and coz its hot af and I have a short fuse when im hot I absolutely went off my head at her. But when I calmed down she hadnt seen it yet so I deleted half the messages. Left enough to let her know I am pissed off, but removed the worst of it so that I dont have to deal with the subsequent argument that would undoubtedly break out. Granted my temper is short coz I havent been sleeping much with this heat, and the heat always makes me grumpy and uncomfortable, but I wasnt entirely out of line- she is constantly just expecting me to do things regardless of if I have my own plans or how difficult/uncomfortable/inconvenient/annoying it is for me. Frankly she never asks and just tells me Im doing this for her and that pisses me off almost as much as the actual thing she expects me to do. If she'd at least ask, and accept when I cant do things for whatever reason instead of expecting and then causing dramas if she doesnt get her damn way.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Procrastinated on the various tasks I should be doing, and instead spent my time photographing the dogs and making photo collages

 

[LoyalXenite]

For someone with SA and major hermit habits I sure did just spend many hours doing xmas cards

 

[Hoth]

I decided to send xmas cards for the first time this year. I bought 4 of them, but so far I can only think of 2 people to send them to, heh.

It seems like a good idea though, especially this year, to send those little tokens of connection.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I decided to send xmas cards for the first time this year. I bought 4 of them, but so far I can only think of 2 people to send them to, heh.

It seems like a good idea though, especially this year, to send those little tokens of connection.

I did about 20 or so coz I send to family and a few friend and a few penpals, but it took so long coz I wrote with ink and quill and sealed with wax, and I made confetti snowflakes for inside the cards too

I enjoy the concept of them but I struggle to think what to write in them too, but I definitely like the feelings of connection

 

[Miserum]

but it took so long coz I wrote with ink and quill and sealed with wax, and I made confetti snowflakes for inside the cards too

That's awesome.

 

[LoyalXenite]

that woman is still constantly around, even has her own toiletries in our goddamned shower. Im reaching my limit for her being here, Im sick of my space being invaded. I cant stand it.

I tried looking for some sharehouse/housemate/normal rental options online... no luck. Nothing that would accept my dogs and be something that I could afford

 

[LoyalXenite]

Not in a great headspace. That woman has been here every fucking day and its doing my head in. I cant stand the sight of her. She's here when I wake up, and lingers til late or stays over night. I cant stand it, im sick of it all but I cant freaking afford to leave.

Between that shit and the 9th anniversary of my best friends death Im in a bad place. Frankly if it wasnt for my dogs I wouldve killed myself the other night. I just feel trapped and miserable and like I have no future prospects so whats the frigging point. Im not going to do anything coz my dogs need me. But god I wish I could.

 

[Miserum]

Not in a great headspace. That woman has been here every fucking day and its doing my head in. I cant stand the sight of her. She's here when I wake up, and lingers til late or stays over night. I cant stand it, im sick of it all but I cant freaking afford to leave.

Between that shit and the 9th anniversary of my best friends death Im in a bad place. Frankly if it wasnt for my dogs I wouldve killed myself the other night. I just feel trapped and miserable and like I have no future prospects so whats the frigging point. Im not going to do anything coz my dogs need me. But god I wish I could.

Wait, who is this woman? I must have missed your post talking about her. In any case, these situations where you feel trapped can be hard. It can be difficult to see through the cloud of bullshit that envelops you. Sorry you're suffering! Just remember that it's temporary. Not to sound cliche but, tough times don't last; tough people do. You'll make it through.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Wait, who is this woman? I must have missed your post talking about her. In any case, these situations where you feel trapped can be hard. It can be difficult to see through the cloud of bullshit that envelops you. Sorry you're suffering! Just remember that it's temporary. Not to sound cliche but, tough times don't last; tough people do. You'll make it through.

This was the post I made about her.

Theres this woman sniffing around my father at the moment. She keeps coming round and staying for far too long, he isnt objecting to it of course- but I do not like or trust her. I knew this lady when I was a kid and I know she fucked around with her friends boyfriend before he ended up leaving her friend for her, so she clearly does not respect friendship boundaries or have any common decency. Its been about two weeks and she has come over here 4 times and stayed for hours and hours - literally stayed all night til 7 am one time and til 4am another, plus he also met with her at a mutual friends place as well as going to her place once.

Like I dont want to stand in the way of his happiness but I dont like her, I dont trust her, and I dont like the threat this poses to both my current living situation and my potential future inheritance situation- yes I know thats quite selfish of me, but I grew up poor, I never had anything coming to me from my parents until dad's mother died and he bought this place. The thought that in the future I may have a house offered some real comfort to me and now the thought that this trash could swoop in and steal it really adds to my dislike of her.

The worst bit is because I dont want to come across as selfish or stand in his way I cant do anything about her being around, so its just making this place feel unwelcoming and invaded and has taken away any aspect of a safe place that this living situation had.

She's been over almost every day and while she technically hasnt been rude or anything, Im sick of her being around. I dont trust her and even in general I cant stand having someone over this often even if it was someone I liked. Its like she only leaves when she has to work, otherwise she is just constantly here.

 

[Miserum]

This was the post I made about her.

She's been over almost every day and while she technically hasnt been rude or anything, Im sick of her being around. I dont trust her and even in general I cant stand having someone over this often even if it was someone I liked. Its like she only leaves when she has to work, otherwise she is just constantly here.

Have you brought up how you feel with your dad at all?

 

[LoyalXenite]

Have you brought up how you feel with your dad at all?

No, for a couple reasons, firstly dad and I dont talk about anything beyond superficial stuff - its always been like that. Secondly, because he is happy having her around, and so I dont want to ruin that for him. Thirdly, when I came out dad cut me out of his life for two years, he only started talking to me again when his mother died, so I dont want to risk him getting mad and me ending up with nowhere to live. Its just too big a risk coz if he kicked me out its me and my 3 dogs in the car... god only knows what would become of all my things

 

[Miserum]

No, for a couple reasons, firstly dad and I dont talk about anything beyond superficial stuff - its always been like that. Secondly, because he is happy having her around, and so I dont want to ruin that for him. Thirdly, when I came out dad cut me out of his life for two years, he only started talking to me again when his mother died, so I dont want to risk him getting mad and me ending up with nowhere to live. Its just too big a risk coz if he kicked me out its me and my 3 dogs in the car... god only knows what would become of all my things

That's a tough situation. Sorry, Loyal. I hope you can somehow resolve it.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Today was a good day. It was the xmas themed larp day for the dnd group, I was the host for it this time so I planned out a bunch of activities and the theme for it was xmas around the world. It was quite fun and left me in a good enough mood that coming home and finding her over again wasnt enough to completely destroy it

 

[LoyalXenite]

So downloaded snapchat for the first time in ages.. and apparently filters work on dogs now?