living with an embarrassing person

[eso]

I have a crazy problem. I have been with my girlfriend for years but she is strange. I am shy of course, but it's not just a case where she is outgoing and I'm not and it causes problems. I would be so lucky. No, the problem is my girlfriend is balls-out strange. Imagine being with someone that does insane stuff in public, like wearing outrageous costumes, which she does sometimes. And she wants me to come with her and take pictures of it. Also, when she talks to people she can't see that she's making them uncomfortable because she talks extremely fast and rambly. She also talks about all manner of subjects that you probably shouldn't just talk about to any old stranger. She also does things that mortify me in public, like she'll be in a store and ask for odd favors from employees or do things that are flat out strange that seem improper. For example, a couple times she has gone to the post office with the contents of a package, asked to buy a box, and then while at the counter paying for it, she would start packing the box, taping it up, asking for tape, then writing out the address on the box, etc. Basically taking 10-20 minutes to pack up the box at the front counter and having a long line form behind her. This is something that should be done at home, not have the clerk stand and wait for you and have a long line form like that. It's incredibly embarrassing and inappropriate but she doesn't seem to think it's strange at all. It's gotten to the point that I have not been at any kind of checkout counter at any store with her that I don't just walk away from. I have to leave because I know she will talk about or do something inappropriate so I have to just leave and walk outside and wait. And I know she did something odd because she takes 5-10 minutes when it should only take 30 seconds to buy something. It's like she can't understand that things she does can be off-putting to people.

You would think she has something like aspergers but I looked it up on wikipedia and it says something about failing at friendships and whatnot. That is the farthest thing from the truth. She has more friends than anyone I know, way more than any normal person. People are drawn to her like magnets. She is incredibly empathetic to people in trouble. She may not be good at some social cues but her ability to care is beyond more than anyone else I know. She also is extremely helpful to everyone and very easily talks to children. However one thing I read on there fits her perfectly, where it says "not usually withdrawn around others; they approach others, even if awkwardly, for example by engaging in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as need for privacy or haste to leave."

Anyway this is extremely difficult to live with. If I was a normal person maybe I would be fine but I am shy so it's like I'm with the worst possible person. It's not like this is the relationship deal-breaker but it sure is hard.

 

[Tab]

Lol eso your gf sounds hilarious in a good way. But I know how you must feel. I've been around people who are out there like that and I feel embarrassed as well. But your lucky to be with someone who you described as being so caring and emotional towards you.

I don't got any other advice than that!

 

[ProAnxious]

she sounds very annoying and self absorbed.

Dump her?

 

[Remus]

sounds abit bizarre, is she bi polar or something else? have you talked about it?

 

[Morgan01]

have you tried to talk to her, maybe say it makes you incomfortable when you do it when you are together

 

[eso]

have you tried to talk to her, maybe say it makes you incomfortable when you do it when you are together

It hasn't helped. I haven't spoken to her about it in years though because I gave up trying to explain to her why things are embarrassing when it simply doesn't register to her. However it's one of those things where not only does talking about these and other issues to her not really 'get through' to her as much as I like, it's also so ingrained into her as a person it'd be like asking someone to stop liking chocolate.

 

[Perfidion]

She is who she is, just as you are who you are. If she loves you, and she's kind, caring, considerate and all those other wonderful things people look for in a significant other, does it really matter that she's a little eccentric? I don't think you're really appreciating what you have. If it were me, and I wish it were given that I've always been attracted to quirky, slightly odd girls, I'd spend more time thinking about all the great qualities she possesses, and a little less feeling mortified at her peculiar behaviour. I mean, seriously, is it that much of a hassle to go stand outside while she (hilariously, I might add) holds up the queue at the post office for 20 minutes? I'd be laughing my arse off at that sort of thing -- and probably encouraging her. The fact that she doesn't "get" your objections to her behaviour is indicative of her worldview. She doesn't perceive things the same way you do, and thus her grasp of the finer points of social etiquette is a little lacking. You're shy, so you can probably relate, albeit in a different way. Relationships are all about compromise. If she has to accept your reticence, surely you can find it within yourself to accept her exuberance? Just my two cents.

 

[skatterkat]

I had a friend in school that would get very anxious about my behaviour to the point of crying if I brought up certain topics at lunch (such as religion), as she thought it'd get us in trouble, maybe struck down by lightning or some such... She wa overly sensitive to our context (religious school run by nuns). Being shy makes you extremely conscious of the nuances of every social situation. Just take a deep breath, step back and know that the sky will not fall if your gf pisses someone off. It's survivable! And it may even be fun, once you relax....

 

[NothingElseMatters]

It hasn't helped. I haven't spoken to her about it in years though because I gave up trying to explain to her why things are embarrassing when it simply doesn't register to her. However it's one of those things where not only does talking about these and other issues to her not really 'get through' to her as much as I like, it's also so ingrained into her as a person it'd be like asking someone to stop liking chocolate.

maybe try to make the best out of it?idk but sometimes a person like this may help you cause obviously she has alot of confidence and she doesnt give a f***

 

[BlackKids]

just sounds like a character to me. Maybe I missed the point but I have a friend like that and she always cheers me up.

 

[Kinetik]

I know exactly what you mean. I have this irritability factor with people close to me - that is to say if they do things that I feel are inappropriate, like being ostentatious in any way or being overly laborious with something in public, it can potentially annoy me for the rest of the day. Because of my shyness, I pride myself on being as unobtrusive as possible, so the moment someone near me draws attention to themselves (and me in the process), I automatically want the both of us to disappear into a hole in the ground. I can't stand the negative thoughts that are undoubtedly circling in people's minds, the criticisms, the scrutinization. It's just another form of wanting to be invisible, which is absolutely a symptom of SA. That means it's likely more your problem than hers. Still, it would be nice to be able to do the things your girlfriend does and not be in the least fazed. In that sense, I'm always really envious of the blissfully unaware.

 

[Sacrament]

sounds abit bizarre, is she bi polar or something else? have you talked about it?

I don't see the connection between her behavior and being bi-polar. Just seems like she's obnoxious to me. Regardless, from what you describe, she seems like a nice and caring girl. It's just a matter of her realizing these things and fixing them. The whole "don't do to others what you wouldn't like them to do to you" or whatever (English is not my first language, so I'm not sure how that goes).

 

[freestylemonster]

lol she sounds like a funny girl! I bet she's just trying to make you laugh by doing this stuff...Making other people feel awkward is always fun! Like if you give your guy friend an extra long hug or just start staring at someone....You should try it sometime!!!

 

[Fighter86]

Hmm...I think as long as you feel she is a caring and wonderful person to be with, I think it should be fine? I mean sometimes, compromises have to be made in relationships, and if what she really does really bothers you, then maybe instead of going into the post office with her, you can wait in the car, that might make you feel more comfortable?

 

[shybhoy]

I have a crazy problem. I have been with my girlfriend for years but she is strange. I am shy of course, but it's not just a case where she is outgoing and I'm not and it causes problems. I would be so lucky. No, the problem is my girlfriend is balls-out strange. Imagine being with someone that does insane stuff in public, like wearing outrageous costumes, which she does sometimes. And she wants me to come with her and take pictures of it. Also, when she talks to people she can't see that she's making them uncomfortable because she talks extremely fast and rambly. She also talks about all manner of subjects that you probably shouldn't just talk about to any old stranger. She also does things that mortify me in public, like she'll be in a store and ask for odd favors from employees or do things that are flat out strange that seem improper. For example, a couple times she has gone to the post office with the contents of a package, asked to buy a box, and then while at the counter paying for it, she would start packing the box, taping it up, asking for tape, then writing out the address on the box, etc. Basically taking 10-20 minutes to pack up the box at the front counter and having a long line form behind her. This is something that should be done at home, not have the clerk stand and wait for you and have a long line form like that. It's incredibly embarrassing and inappropriate but she doesn't seem to think it's strange at all. It's gotten to the point that I have not been at any kind of checkout counter at any store with her that I don't just walk away from. I have to leave because I know she will talk about or do something inappropriate so I have to just leave and walk outside and wait. And I know she did something odd because she takes 5-10 minutes when it should only take 30 seconds to buy something. It's like she can't understand that things she does can be off-putting to people.

You would think she has something like aspergers but I looked it up on wikipedia and it says something about failing at friendships and whatnot. That is the farthest thing from the truth. She has more friends than anyone I know, way more than any normal person. People are drawn to her like magnets. She is incredibly empathetic to people in trouble. She may not be good at some social cues but her ability to care is beyond more than anyone else I know. She also is extremely helpful to everyone and very easily talks to children. However one thing I read on there fits her perfectly, where it says "not usually withdrawn around others; they approach others, even if awkwardly, for example by engaging in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as need for privacy or haste to leave."

Anyway this is extremely difficult to live with. If I was a normal person maybe I would be fine but I am shy so it's like I'm with the worst possible person. It's not like this is the relationship deal-breaker but it sure is hard.

sounds to me likes shes just an individual she may have traits of bi polar or aspergers. But, if you can't accept and love her then let her go where she can find someone who will she deserves that.