Letter to self [this is scary]

[SilentBird]

I wrote this a few months ago (unedited):

Dear Scott

I know you are really hurting right now. I know that you are scared. I know you want to get drunk. But you have a friend inside of yourself. Yeah this seems like a dumb idea when a few moments ago you could imagine someone just like you writing to you as a friend. Telling you what you need to hear. What do you need to hear? What's wrong with you really? If you had a loving relationship with yourself things would be so much better.

Ugly and useless? Why bother calling yourself these things? Even if it was true, it is A WASTE OF TIME thinking of yourself that way. You have so much value dear Scott. And you hide away because you think people don't want to know you. You are SO worth knowing. You are loved and appreciated. You are worthy of love and appreciation. You are kind, gentle, and thoughtful. Why do you put all these things in the way? You know it's a good thing to love yourself. So why do you want to get drunk?

I don't know, maybe you are going to have to work on it, getting that love from inside. It's there. It's kept you going through some really hard times. You've just got a lot hatred in the way. Please Scott, don't hate yourself, you don't deserve it, you've suffered enough. I know you are lonely and it's hard and I know you are scared. I wish I could promise it will be all right and you will get through this. I don't know what to say or do but I do love you even though I don't show [it] very much or very clearly. I'm sorry for hurting you and I am sorry if I continue to. But I am proud of you and I do like you.

[in tears]

 

[Sial Axetder]

does it work?

 

[kihira]

This is a brave step to take, I don't think I could write myself a letter

 

[StupidWiz]

I've learned a long time ago that the only one who can pull yourself out from a pit of despair is yourself. No one will help you, no one can understand you. No one will hear your cry of help, so I learn to help myself out. I'm my own hero, my own knight in shining armor.

That letter to self is a good idea imho, good job

 

[***deleted***]

I think this is the best post I've read. I'm sure if everyone on this site tried this, it would be a big step for everyone. I got tears in my eyes reading this. Thank you for sharing this letter

 

[panicsurvivor]

Wow. I could never do that. If I was going to write to myself it would probably not be constructive.

 

[Gerdje]

I don't think it's scary, i think it's the truth.
You know, the things most of us know....deep inside, but are hidden by a big pile of braintrash. drinking is one of those things that makes us look through it, but ultimate ain't the solution. Especially that love I never show, I feel it, quite often, but even accepting/showing it makes me scared.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Aww that's such a great step to take! And a great idea.
I sometimes talk to myself as a friendly nurturing and guidance-like 'other half', the parent I need or friend I need, and sometimes it can help a hell of a lot. It must have taken a lot to write that, and to share that, thank you

 

[Bustn Justin]

Awesome that you can write a letter to yourself. I got to give that a try.

 

[Forgotten-Children]

This is proof that you, yourself are the only one capable to pulling yourself out of your depression rut.

I figured this out, not from a self-sent letter but moreso just a realization after an entire year of depression. Basically wallowing in self pity will solve nothing so since then I've basically hardened up so I'd do my best to never feel like that again.

I can't say I'm NEAR as happy as I was as a kid but I atleast know that I'm happy enough with myself so I won't put a bullet through my skull.

*hugs forum* This is a great idea though. :3

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello Scott,

I like your idea, im not sure if i dint write myself letter too but i cant remember if i did. Maybe i did, but i was writing to myself like diffrent person writes me and imaginig that he really did or something. Was not helping me in nothing but was nice read it hehe because that imagination can keep u from pain sometimes well.Is good to volunteer what u feel no matter how, write on paper, write poem,song whatever. Is like cheering your self in diffrent ways wich are close to you and fill your heart, stop u of negative thoughts for sometime and thats what count,thats matter.

 

[SilentBird]

does it work?

This is a very difficult question to answer and I have no way of saying if it would work for anyone else. For me I think it can be helpful if I am sincere and committed and to be honest I don't know if I am. Do I really want to change what I believe about myself?

I've learned a long time ago that the only one who can pull yourself out from a pit of despair is yourself. No one will help you, no one can understand you. No one will hear your cry of help, so I learn to help myself out. I'm my own hero, my own knight in shining armor.

That letter to self is a good idea imho, good job

Thanks. I have looked to other people who have encouraged me and showed affection to me so that is part of where that "love" comes from, but ultimately I have had to find the courage to get myself through my own pain and I am still searching for it.

I think this is the best post I've read. I'm sure if everyone on this site tried this, it would be a big step for everyone. I got tears in my eyes reading this. Thank you for sharing this letter

I am moved that I connected with you and indicates to me that what I did was a worthwhile exercise.

I don't think it's scary, i think it's the truth.
You know, the things most of us know....deep inside, but are hidden by a big pile of braintrash. drinking is one of those things that makes us look through it, but ultimate ain't the solution. Especially that love I never show, I feel it, quite often, but even accepting/showing it makes me scared.

It is dawning on me that I have been believing in lies.

This is a brave step to take, I don't think I could write myself a letter

Wow. I could never do that. If I was going to write to myself it would probably not be constructive.

Aww that's such a great step to take! And a great idea.
I sometimes talk to myself as a friendly nurturing and guidance-like 'other half', the parent I need or friend I need, and sometimes it can help a hell of a lot. It must have taken a lot to write that, and to share that, thank you

Awesome that you can write a letter to yourself. I got to give that a try.

This is proof that you, yourself are the only one capable to pulling yourself out of your depression rut.

I figured this out, not from a self-sent letter but moreso just a realization after an entire year of depression. Basically wallowing in self pity will solve nothing so since then I've basically hardened up so I'd do my best to never feel like that again.

I can't say I'm NEAR as happy as I was as a kid but I atleast know that I'm happy enough with myself so I won't put a bullet through my skull.

*hugs forum* This is a great idea though. :3

Hello Scott,

I like your idea, im not sure if i dint write myself letter too but i cant remember if i did. Maybe i did, but i was writing to myself like diffrent person writes me and imaginig that he really did or something. Was not helping me in nothing but was nice read it hehe because that imagination can keep u from pain sometimes well.Is good to volunteer what u feel no matter how, write on paper, write poem,song whatever. Is like cheering your self in diffrent ways wich are close to you and fill your heart, stop u of negative thoughts for sometime and thats what count,thats matter.

Thank you all for your replies to my post. It gave me a real lift and reminded me to have faith in myself. It is hard to keep faith when doubt is so deep and familiar but underneath I still feel that it is there.

Peace to you all.

 

[dragonoth]

This is an inspiring letter. How does it make you feel to read it? Do you believe what it says?

 

[SilentBird]

This is an inspiring letter. How does it make you feel to read it? Do you believe what it says?

This is a very moving letter. Stay strong Scott <3

I wish I had another me inside of me to keep me company too.

If that makes sense ^_^

Thank you both. As when I posted it this letter can make me cry like a wave of healing and then it is believable. Other times I am numb and plagued with doubt it has little effect. I do want to believe it. I do want to believe I am strong and remember that I am.

My other me is often my own worst enemy - better to have him for company than none at all? Can I be my own best friend instead?

 

[dragonoth]

My other me is often my own worst enemy - better to have him for company than none at all? Can I be my own best friend instead?

Of course you can It's way better than beating yourself up lol. I wish to be my own best friend too

 

[Gaucho]

hey silent bird.

i really wish you achieve the feeling of happninnes or acceptance at one point in your life.

 

[SilentBird]

hey silent bird.

i really wish you achieve the feeling of happninnes or acceptance at one point in your life.

Thanks I'm looking for it. I get the feeling it's there, if I choose to accept it. I have arranged to go out with a friend to see some local bands on Thursday. I haven't been out for ages, nervous but sort of excited.

I wish happiness for you also.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

WOW! What a great Thread! I think many of us have internalized (external) criticisms and mockery. We're now our own bully. Like a big fat mean kid blocking your path at school. We block our path to relationships, going out, self acceptance, etc.........the list just goes on and on.

 

[Ithior]

A few years ago I started writing letters (e-mails actually) to myself once a year (on my birthday). I usually write about where I am in life and where I want to go, and then ask a bunch of questions for myself to answer, such as if I'm in a relationship, if I'm still doing X or Y, if I overcame Z, etc.

I like this because I completely forget what I wrote in two or three months. I even created an account on that website so I could keep all of the e-mails in one place, so that I can go through all of them instead of just the last one sent.
If anyone wants to try it out, FutureMe.org: Write a Letter to the Future

 

[SilentBird]

I think many of us have internalized (external) criticisms and mockery. We're now our own bully. Like a big fat mean kid blocking your path at school. We block our path to relationships, going out, self acceptance, etc.........the list just goes on and on.

True. Somehow I need to stop being my own bully that I learnt to be. I'm trying now to internalize positive feedback that I have had from people. For example by reading a kind and sincere letter from a friend or reference from a past employer. Recently I have contacted friends who genuinely care about me after a long while and it has been helpful. It's so hard to get through this all on my own, I don't think I could.

A few years ago I started writing letters (e-mails actually) to myself once a year (on my birthday). I usually write about where I am in life and where I want to go, and then ask a bunch of questions for myself to answer, such as if I'm in a relationship, if I'm still doing X or Y, if I overcame Z, etc.[/url]

This is interesting. I tend to write things and read them so much I almost know them off by heart. I might try writing myself a letter, sealing it, not to be opened until a year has passed.