lack of any intimacy

[Bronson99]

What kind of "help" is there, when there is a denial of the problem in the first case? If you won't listen to what I'm saying, you're not offering help. I've LIVED the online dating experience enough to know how it works. There's nothing there. There is no "free pass" for low-achieving men that activates once you join a dating site for challenged people. It's the same as all other sites, the other side takes the competitors (relative few), and everyone else does not exist.

To offer practical help, one must acknowledge the problem first. What I see is no acknowledgement, I see about the same level of insight I can get on a Chinese fortune cookie, for example. "Good luck" It doesn't mean anything. I want to know why this is? Is it really impossible to envision things on the other side?

If it's just that easy for ya'll to get someone over for a date/hangout/whatever--does it then follow you assume the "same is true for all men" so long as they join some "dating site"? Is that it? That's how it looks to me.

"Better attitude" comes later. Maybe you could start by discussing real-life options. I've explained online stuff does not work--cannot work for guys who offer no conventional value. I'll work with you, if you work with what I've got.

 

[lifesnotfair]

What kind of "help" is there, when there is a denial of the problem in the first case? If you won't listen to what I'm saying, you're not offering help. I've LIVED the online dating experience enough to know how it works. There's nothing there. There is no "free pass" for low-achieving men that activates once you join a dating site for challenged people. It's the same as all other sites, the other side takes the competitors (relative few), and everyone else does not exist.

To offer practical help, one must acknowledge the problem first. What I see is no acknowledgement, I see about the same level of insight I can get on a Chinese fortune cookie, for example. "Good luck" It doesn't mean anything. I want to know why this is? Is it really impossible to envision things on the other side?

If it's just that easy for ya'll to get someone over for a date/hangout/whatever--does it then follow you assume the "same is true for all men" so long as they join some "dating site"? Is that it? That's how it looks to me.

"Better attitude" comes later. Maybe you could start by discussing real-life options. I've explained online stuff does not work--cannot work for guys who offer no conventional value. I'll work with you, if you work with what I've got.

I agree completely with this statement. When you have been defeated every attempt you have made, you see no signs of the problem ever improving. When you tell someone that its up to you and good luck, It's counter-productive and not helpful in any sense. I have never had any luck with dating at all, and i do mean No luck. I am talking about 20+ years. I have been yelled at, called a loser, a creep, every ugly name under the sun when i try and approach a woman. I have also had women play nasty games on me leading me on to believe they liked me, and it turned out to be a joke. How do all the women commenting on this forum justify men in our position just to "Grin and Bear it" or Fake it to you make it type of suggestions when your core beliefs from women are that you are a complete loser and a waste of time. How does one get over that? My attitude towards women will change once the games stop PERIOD. I would never play these sort of cruel games towards women, so what gives? Another point about "Attitude" is based on successes vs failures. When you have been constantly rejected, yeah your attitude is going to suck ass when it comes to suggestions and offers of help. Hell, I don't blame people that feel that way.

 

[lifesnotfair]

LOL! funny joke. r you sure no sites work?

Well E-harmony told me, I had ZERO matches when i did their survey 2 times, and it took at least an hour or more to do
POF - Only results i get are from Spam bots
Zoosk - No Results
Matchmaker.com - No Results.

Online dating works for those who want sugar daddies.

 

[lifesnotfair]

Well do you want advice from women on how to meet women or do you want to continue to feed your defeatist attitude? Sounds like your mind is made up. I definitely sense you have all but completely thrown in the towel.
The choice is yours, keep trying with a better attitude or don’t bother anymore. Makes zero difference to me. But I don’t mind giving out advice if you want any but like I said your mind is pretty much made up it’s hopeless. Lily here for example is talking to you too. Two women trying to help you out. Not sure what else you want.

One view on Defeatest attitude is ones persons constant rejection and hurt. For me, 20+ years of failures. How would you like me to respond? Nothing has worked..

 

[lifesnotfair]

Maybe you should focus on making some real friendships with people. That and joining groups, volunteering and adopting a dog or cat can bring so much joy into your life. Maybe that is your path. I know for me I’d be absolutely a wreck without my pets.

Like the Friends that have treated me like dog shit for years, or the ones who pretend to be nice to you, but backstab you at the earliest opportunity. I am not perfect, and I have made my share of mistakes, but I have never been disloyal to a friend. I have volunteered and been out in the community, I have joined clubs, nothing..

 

[lifesnotfair]

lifesnotfair, i understand that perhaps you don't have the money to move to other places like a city like what MollyBeGood suggested and i feel for you. i want a partner too but the circumstances just aren't right

Doesnt matter where i live or go, its the same..

 

[lifesnotfair]

i just would like more outstanding testimonies in my life and to keep having faith that he's going to bring me a guy that i really like.

And I am just a guy who sees every one of my friends that I have grown up with married, have kids and families and I am the only person who isn't. I know its my fault somewhere that i don't have that, but i don't know what to do anymore..

 

[Bronson99]

Where's the Spartan when you need him?

That guy knows how this Game works, he doesn't sugarcoat things. Just doesn't have the courage to come into this thread I guess.

 

[lifesnotfair]

oh don't worry, you're not the only 1! What do you mean you know it's your fault?

It's always my fault, meaning I seem to screw up and fail at something. My heart is completely dead. Maybe its a good thing that women aren't attracted to me, because Its my fault i am dead inside.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

It may just be that women are sensing that you've given up and/or you're showing it without even realizing it and they're put off by it. So, in a sense, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you've given up and don't think women will ever be attracted to you, women see/sense this and are put off, thus you seal your fate as someone who won't find anyone. I don't want to sound judgmental or make any hasty decisions, but, from what I've seen in skimming this thread is some level of resentment and bitterness towards women. I don't know the stories behind them, but you can't just label all women as either gold diggers or vain jerks, just based on your interactions with a few (There are millions of women on the planet, so there's no way any of us, male or female, could meet a statistically significant number of them). You've just got to treat each woman as their own person and learn more about them. Some will be jerks, no doubt. But, you live and learn and move on.

But, there are only two paths to take: either you continue and fight on trying to find a partner or you give up. There's no wrong choice. If you want to give up, then there's no shame in it and no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. If you want to continue on, then it may be best to take a step back, analyze how you're approaching women and how you portray yourself, get some outside opinions, like how Molly was preparing to give, and improve yourself. Don't make women your end goal. Live happily, doing things that you enjoy and find happiness in. That's most important.

 

[LoyalXenite]

It may just be that women are sensing that you've given up and/or you're showing it without even realizing it and they're put off by it. So, in a sense, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you've given up and don't think women will ever be attracted to you, women see/sense this and are put off, thus you seal your fate as someone who won't find anyone. I don't want to sound judgmental or make any hasty decisions, but, from what I've seen in skimming this thread is some level of resentment and bitterness towards women. I don't know the stories behind them, but you can't just label all women as either gold diggers or vain jerks, just based on your interactions with a few (There are millions of women on the planet, so there's no way any of us, male or female, could meet a statistically significant number of them). You've just got to treat each woman as their own person and learn more about them. Some will be jerks, no doubt. But, you live and learn and move on.

But, there are only two paths to take: either you continue and fight on trying to find a partner or you give up. There's no wrong choice. If you want to give up, then there's no shame in it and no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. If you want to continue on, then it may be best to take a step back, analyze how you're approaching women and how you portray yourself, get some outside opinions, like how Molly was preparing to give, and improve yourself. Don't make women your end goal. Live happily, doing things that you enjoy and find happiness in. That's most important.

Absolutely agree with this, well said.

 

[Kiwong]

The last year I have tried to connect with people socially by exposure. And it is working for me. To be able to talk to another person without fear, I've started to rebuild social skills that I'd lost. Many people, particularly women have been kind to me, which I value highly.

Women are vulnerable in todays society, and I imagine is a big show of trust to show kindness and interest when that could be taken advantage of.

 

[lifesnotfair]

It may just be that women are sensing that you've given up and/or you're showing it without even realizing it and they're put off by it. So, in a sense, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you've given up and don't think women will ever be attracted to you, women see/sense this and are put off, thus you seal your fate as someone who won't find anyone. I don't want to sound judgmental or make any hasty decisions, but, from what I've seen in skimming this thread is some level of resentment and bitterness towards women. I don't know the stories behind them, but you can't just label all women as either gold diggers or vain jerks, just based on your interactions with a few (There are millions of women on the planet, so there's no way any of us, male or female, could meet a statistically significant number of them). You've just got to treat each woman as their own person and learn more about them. Some will be jerks, no doubt. But, you live and learn and move on.

But, there are only two paths to take: either you continue and fight on trying to find a partner or you give up. There's no wrong choice. If you want to give up, then there's no shame in it and no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. If you want to continue on, then it may be best to take a step back, analyze how you're approaching women and how you portray yourself, get some outside opinions, like how Molly was preparing to give, and improve yourself. Don't make women your end goal. Live happily, doing things that you enjoy and find happiness in. That's most important.

You're right, I am bitter. This is due to being mislead and played for a fool. I never asked to feel bitter towards women, experience has taught me that. I never had the skills or even the ability to notice if someone was interested in me, because i just never understood or knew how to react. I have never been able to make eye contact with anyone either, since i was a small child. A lot of different crap has made me this way. Every day I accept a little bit more that I am a hopeless cause and I could never be in a proper relationship with anyone.

 

[MollyBeGood]

:

It may just be that women are sensing that you've given up and/or you're showing it without even realizing it and they're put off by it. So, in a sense, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you've given up and don't think women will ever be attracted to you, women see/sense this and are put off, thus you seal your fate as someone who won't find anyone. I don't want to sound judgmental or make any hasty decisions, but, from what I've seen in skimming this thread is some level of resentment and bitterness towards women. I don't know the stories behind them, but you can't just label all women as either gold diggers or vain jerks, just based on your interactions with a few (There are millions of women on the planet, so there's no way any of us, male or female, could meet a statistically significant number of them). You've just got to treat each woman as their own person and learn more about them. Some will be jerks, no doubt. But, you live and learn and move on.

But, there are only two paths to take: either you continue and fight on trying to find a partner or you give up. There's no wrong choice. If you want to give up, then there's no shame in it and no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. If you want to continue on, then it may be best to take a step back, analyze how you're approaching women and how you portray yourself, get some outside opinions, like how Molly was preparing to give, and improve yourself. Don't make women your end goal. Live happily, doing things that you enjoy and find happiness in. That's most important.

That’s perfectly said. Thank you DMW I will not post on this thread anymore I don’t feel like I helped anyone. Sorry dudes.

 

[Sacrament]

You're right, I am bitter. This is due to being mislead and played for a fool. I never asked to feel bitter towards women, experience has taught me that. I never had the skills or even the ability to notice if someone was interested in me, because i just never understood or knew how to react. I have never been able to make eye contact with anyone either, since i was a small child. A lot of different crap has made me this way. Every day I accept a little bit more that I am a hopeless cause and I could never be in a proper relationship with anyone.

I think you need a good dose of CBT. This kind of therapy goes a long way to help you become a more social creature, and defeat certain habits like not being able to look people in the eye. I've read that if you continuously look people in the eye from the moment you meet them, you have a higher chance of forming a connection with that person. If you won't look them in the eye, they'll easily assume you're just not interested in the conversation, or that you're in a hurry, etc. I wouldn't say you're hopeless, but I would say that there's a lot of work that you need to do. But if you truly believe that you're hopeless and that there's no way around it, then you are. It's one of those tried and true cases where you are what you believe yourself to be.

I don't think anyone who hasn't dealt with other people hasn't been played a fool at some point. But every experience is unique, and every experience is, in a big way, shaped by the way you see yourself and others before it even happens.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

You're right, I am bitter. This is due to being mislead and played for a fool. I never asked to feel bitter towards women, experience has taught me that. I never had the skills or even the ability to notice if someone was interested in me, because i just never understood or knew how to react. I have never been able to make eye contact with anyone either, since i was a small child. A lot of different crap has made me this way. Every day I accept a little bit more that I am a hopeless cause and I could never be in a proper relationship with anyone.

It's understandable to be frustrated and feel that it's hopeless when you try like this. But, you know, it's like playing a game. If you're feeling angry and bitter about it, take a step back and take a break. I don't think women are rejecting you out of spite. People can't really help who they like. And I think, from what I've read, getting rejected a lot is normal. It hurts, I know. So don't feel bad if you have to bow out for a while to recover.

But, honestly, relationships can be really difficult to maintain, at times. It's hard trying to consistently find peace with someone and love them every day. I'm not saying it's not worth it, but it isn't something you should just rush headlong into. Make peace with your bitterness; don't hold a grudge against all women, okay? And then, when/if you're ready, try again. You have people that can help you on here and, most likely, in real life that can teach you how to attract someone.

 

[lifesnotfair]

It's understandable to be frustrated and feel that it's hopeless when you try like this. But, you know, it's like playing a game. If you're feeling angry and bitter about it, take a step back and take a break. I don't think women are rejecting you out of spite. People can't really help who they like. And I think, from what I've read, getting rejected a lot is normal. It hurts, I know. So don't feel bad if you have to bow out for a while to recover.

But, honestly, relationships can be really difficult to maintain, at times. It's hard trying to consistently find peace with someone and love them every day. I'm not saying it's not worth it, but it isn't something you should just rush headlong into. Make peace with your bitterness; don't hold a grudge against all women, okay? And then, when/if you're ready, try again. You have people that can help you on here and, most likely, in real life that can teach you how to attract someone.

Ultimately its loneliness that does me in. It really hurts someday's when you have nobody and it basically sucks all the energy out of you. As for people helping me out, unless they can physically be in the same room and help me pick up on signals and body language, I have no friggin clue what to do, how to react, or how to deal with it.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

you just have to keep on trying and be willing to be rejected. That's life, people get rejected

 

[lifesnotfair]

Or you don't know any of the signs of interest even if they are slapping you in the face... that would be me.