Neil Young
Member
Most SA people say/think they are very good at heart. But is the "goodness" not because we are too weak and afraid to be "bad"?
know the truth?
- Thread starter Neil Young
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Anubis
Well-known member
Yea, a lot of us social phobes fall into "good kid" syndrome described here in detail (The Good Kid Syndrome ?(Find Your Truths)?)
The overall gist of the article is that children who are raised in negative households tend to protect their self-esteem by hiding behind a facade of extreme receptiveness to the needs and demands of caretakers and later friends/teachers/colleagues (in the hopes that they reduce their negativity and instead show approval). In essence, "Being Good" is just a coping mechanism to prevent disapproval and rejection.
This artificial attempt at piety comes at a sacrifice though. Ignoring one's own needs.
The overall gist of the article is that children who are raised in negative households tend to protect their self-esteem by hiding behind a facade of extreme receptiveness to the needs and demands of caretakers and later friends/teachers/colleagues (in the hopes that they reduce their negativity and instead show approval). In essence, "Being Good" is just a coping mechanism to prevent disapproval and rejection.
This artificial attempt at piety comes at a sacrifice though. Ignoring one's own needs.
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roseycheeks
Well-known member
yea, i can totally relate.. to much of a wuss to say whats really on my mind
meatcake
1
wow, i can really relate to that article - great find - i think i'll print it out.
"The message that anger is bad is at the core of most of the issues that bring people into therapy today."
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
That is an excellent question, my friend! I think it is important to question our motives and our "goodness" so as to not be led astray. I honestly think that many people on this forum are very caring and understanding, but I don't think it's natural to be all good. I have seen posts on here which have come across as a little mean-spirited.
Perhaps some of us are too afraid to be bad while others know how it is to be mistreated and so we do not wish to hurt others. If this is a weakness then should we mistreat others and be "bad" just to be strong? It's so much easier to be ignorant and callous than it is to take the time to think about how your actions and word affect people. This disorder of ours has it's pros.
I don't know anyone out there who would have wished that I hadn't apologized for being a bitch, hadn't been tolerant or understanding, hadn't given them a helping hand, hadn't offered them a kind word/smile or otherwise didn't deride them when others did. I think we wish to do good because we are ourselves tormented, but I don't think we are only good. We'd be fools if we think we are incapable of "bad".
Cynic
Well-known member
I'm not. I'm a ****, so there!
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Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
Let's face it. The world in which we live has codes of conduct regardless if this conduct is natural to us. Most societies frown upon the expression of anger while some consider it an outright weakness. There is even an Alaskan Inuit tribe that severely looks down upon the expression of anger. They aboslutely will not deal with anyone who shows anger. In Germany, anger is a cause for amusement and will prompt further instigation. Expressing anger is also considered an anti-social behavior.
I have also found that it is rare to get people to help you out or cooperate if you express that you are angry with them. Tact is necessary when dealing with people. These stupid rules are conducive to social survival. Most of us are social creatures and we need social interaction in order to be happy.
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
NothingElseMatters
Well-known member
naah i can't say i am good at heart.i try to be polite and 'cool' most of the times but i can be a d*** too.Plus i have too much hate and jealous feelings for some people although i am trying to avoid them.
On the other hand some people with SA ARE really good and that's because life's difficulties can make a person more sensitive and understanding
Lea
Banned
LycraPantiies92
Well-known member
Eh, naw yr no.
I'm ...<strike>nice</strike> okay, cos if i wasn't i'd be hated by every living thing.
Oh man, i actually am hated by every living thing. Oh well.
xx
I Truth Know You Truth Know
I never thought I was kind at heart. I'm evil.. Well, umm, not really but yeah. There are very few people who are actually like the genuinely nice sort of people, and I don't think that it is specific to social phobics per se. You have to truely believe in all of what you represent as 'good', instead of just lacking what it takes to actually do what you really want to. I don't really see how doing nothing at all makes you a 'good kid' anyways. It kind of makes you more like a 'nothing kid'.
I never thought I was kind at heart. I'm evil.
. Well, umm, not really but yeah. There are very few people who are actually like the genuinely nice sort of people, and I don't think that it is specific to social phobics per se. You have to truely believe in all of what you represent as 'good', instead of just lacking what it takes to actually do what you really want to. I don't really see how doing nothing at all makes you a 'good kid' anyways. It kind of makes you more like a 'nothing kid'.