Just another rant I have to get out

OceanMist

Well-known member
This isn't just about online dating, I guess. Although it has a lot to do with online dating sites.

Anyway, I decided to stay home last night (Saturday night) and then I got bored so I decided to get some female online interaction with online dating sites. I am home a lot, I'm not denying that. But that doesn't seem all that relevant because this question was asked by women that don't me that well anyway.

The point of this thread is when I was on OKCupid this woman asks a question that read, "Why are you on here a Saturday night?" I was the timing and the way she said it that made it clear the question had bad intentions. Please don't try to sugarcoat it saying she was just wondering. Because it's not like that when someone asks that question, male or female.

1. The first thing that comes to mind is the counter question of wait a second, "Why are you on here on a Saturday night?" What she said is such a hypocritical question that it's not even funny.

2. Another thing I don't like about it is the question implies that I have to have more of a social life on Friday and Saturday nights and she doesn't have to have as much of a social life on those same nights.

Btw, this isn't the first time I've come across this. Numerous times I've been asked this question by women who are on there on Friday and Saturday nights.

What exactly is this? It's almost as if these women think that because I'm a guy that I have to be "manly" and go out on every weekend and talk to a bunch of women and never set foot in a dating site.

This goes beyond online dating, of course. I've noticed that many people have this mentality that Friday and Saturday are party nights and if you don't go out, you are a freak that should be ignored. You aren't allowed to take a night off, either.

Why am I home? Because I don't feel like going out. Why does that have to be looked down upon?

Besides, the highest traffic volume on online dating sites is on friday and saturday nights. The odds of meeting someone during that timeframe are better. I'm not saying people should stay home and go online during that time, but I don't see why it has to be deemed as "loserness."

I'm sorry, but it seems the loserness label of this question (Why are you home on fri. or sat. night?) is mainly targeted at men.
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
Isn't it funny how society has double standards? A guy who stays at home on Thursday - Saturday nights is called a "loser" but a woman who stays at home during those days is not called a "loser." Doesn't make sense to me, I always had a hard time understanding how society works anyway.

But I think this varies from culture to culture. In America, young people party a lot on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays and it's considered "cool" to do so. If you don't party, you're considered a geek/nerd/pointdexter and this is "uncool". But in some Asian countries, it's kind of the opposite. People who study or work on those days are considered "decent" and "great" compared to those who spend their time partying and getting drunk.
 

coyote

Well-known member
Isn't it funny how society has double standards? A guy who stays at home on Thursday - Saturday nights is called a "loser" but a woman who stays at home during those days is not called a "loser." Doesn't make sense to me, I always had a hard time understanding how society works anyway.

But I think this varies from culture to culture. In America, young people party a lot on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays and it's considered "cool" to do so. If you don't party, you're considered a geek/nerd/pointdexter and this is "uncool". But in some Asian countries, it's kind of the opposite. People who study or work on those days are considered "decent" and "great" compared to those who spend their time partying and getting drunk.

there's the distinction

once you get older and married and have kids or start hanging around people who are older, married, or have kids, the whole dynamic changes

then no one cares what you do on Saturday night, becuase they've got their own crap to deal with - painting the basement floor, doing Suzy's homework, dishes, etc.
 

twiggle

Well-known member
It does make you wonder if any of the people who are out on Saturday nights are only there because they feel they should be.

I dunno... I like going out on Friday nights because it's a way to unwind after the working week, but as for Saturdays... I'm not so bothered. Last night I stayed in doing some writing. It's your week, do with it what you want.
 

coyote

Well-known member
i work most weekends - and have for the last twenty years for the most part

Friday and Saturday night are no different than any other night of the week if you still have to get up and go to work the next morning
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Isn't it funny how society has double standards? A guy who stays at home on Thursday - Saturday nights is called a "loser" but a woman who stays at home during those days is not called a "loser." Doesn't make sense to me, I always had a hard time understanding how society works anyway.

But I think this varies from culture to culture. In America, young people party a lot on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays and it's considered "cool" to do so. If you don't party, you're considered a geek/nerd/pointdexter and this is "uncool". But in some Asian countries, it's kind of the opposite. People who study or work on those days are considered "decent" and "great" compared to those who spend their time partying and getting drunk.

This is exactly what I was talking about. I just don't understand it. I appreciate your honest post.

I guess it's just the way it is.

I have no problem with either side. I think if someone wants to get hammered drunk on the weekends that's fine. If someone doesn't want to get drunk and just chill at home on the weekends, that's cool too.

I just think that most of society in the western world is so ignorant. That's the problem. They have this caveman mentality which says "You must do what I do, and if you don't, you will be judged for it."

It's more than just what I brought up in this thread, but there is the whole "you must get married to be normal" thing that I won't even get into.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
there's the distinction

once you get older and married and have kids or start hanging around people who are older, married, or have kids, the whole dynamic changes

then no one cares what you do on Saturday night, becuase they've got their own crap to deal with - painting the basement floor, doing Suzy's homework, dishes, etc.

Really think so? I've met people in their 30's who made fun of me for not partying, getting drunk and having sex. Perhaps mine it's a different culture? or do people mature before their 30's?
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
i work most weekends - and have for the last twenty years for the most part

Friday and Saturday night are no different than any other night of the week if you still have to get up and go to work the next morning

Yep.

There's nothing wrong with working on those nights.

I think if I were to work on those nights then I would be more normal. Work is a damn good excuse to not go out.

Even my shallow American party society could understand that.

Oh well, I don't really care too much either way. Being different doesn't stop us from getting dates anyway.
 

gustavofring

Well-known member
This is exactly what I was talking about. I just don't understand it. I appreciate your honest post.

I guess it's just the way it is.

I have no problem with either side. I think if someone wants to get hammered drunk on the weekends that's fine. If someone doesn't want to get drunk and just chill at home on the weekends, that's cool too.

I just think that most of society in the western world is so ignorant. That's the problem. They have this caveman mentality which says "You must do what I do, and if you don't, you will be judged for it."

It's more than just what I brought up in this thread, but there is the whole "you must get married to be normal" thing that I won't even get into.

First you say its fine, then its a caveman mentality. You let your notion of what you think "society thinks" weigh very heavily on you and this creates resistance. Of course, many times this is affirmed, but try to let go off that notion. Just spend the weekends the way that is comfortable to you.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
First you say its fine, then its a caveman mentality. You let your notion of what you think "society thinks" weigh very heavily on you and this creates resistance. Of course, many times this is affirmed, but try to let go off that notion. Just spend the weekends the way that is comfortable to you.

I meant it's fine to think it, but not fine to say it.

I am spending my weekends doing what's comfortable for me.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Its been my observation that a lot of times people ask questions that they want other people to ask them

I don't think that applies in this situation. They are asking the question because they think something is wrong with me.

They are right, I do have SA, so there is something wrong with me. It doesn't help knowing that because it still ticks me off when they ask the question. I already explained why, it's hypocritical and all that I said earlier.
 
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