Just remember to stay calm and let her relax a bit after work before getting into the discussion. This will be good for y'all.
Ok i can't keep my fingers crossed any more. My hands are hurting ... how'd it go?
Thanks for wishing me luck Steiner. You can uncross your fingers now jc lol. It actually went better than I thought it would. There were a few bumpy parts, but it went pretty smoothly. At first I was nervous and my voice was shaky when I told her that we needed to talk. I usually don't discuss the issues I'm having with either of my parents. When I started talking though it got easier. I just told her what I was feeling and let it flow out. There were a few times when we did interrupt each other, but for the most part we let each other take turns and say what we needed to.
She actually apologized for lashing out at me about my religious beliefs. I was
definitely surprised by that. She told me it was a big shock to her finding out that I was uncertain about God. She knew that I had always seemed really uncomfortable during church when I was younger, but she didn't know the reason why. She told me she thought maybe it was because I thought church was boring and maybe it was just a phase that I would grow out of. She told me she still strongly disagrees with my views though. That's the main thing I was still sort of worried about even after we were done talking. She said she would
try to be more accepting, but I had this feeling in my gut like she was maybe saying that just to keep the "peace" of the conversation. Words can express a lot, but I'll have to wait to see if her actions match up to her words and if she will actually stop trying to convince me that her religious beliefs are the only beliefs that are right.
I told her about how her constant criticism of me has been making me feel ashamed and stressed out, and that I've been distancing myself from her on purpose because I've been tired of how she makes me feel. I explained that I've been trying to work on not being so nervous in public for a long time now, that its been a struggle for me for years now, and that her criticizing me isn't helping anything.
She said that she's not ashamed of me, but then she said something that I'm not really sure how to take and its been running through my mind since we finished talking. She said that she thought I would grow up to be much different than I am. I was a pretty outgoing kid. My mom told me that she never would have imagined that I would be the way I am now. She said that she noticed me changing as I grew up, becoming nervous in public and incredibly shy around people, and that it frustrated her. She told me that sometimes she wishes that she could have her "loud little girl" back, and that my tendency to stay inside because of my fear of being in public causes her to feel really lonely because she's usually left to go places alone so many times. She asked me if it was something she did when raising me that made me become as introverted as I am now. I'm not sure why she thought that was a possibility, but I told her that the way she raised me didn't have anything to do with it.
I'm still uncertain about how to take the fact that she wishes I were more like my younger self. I don't think she meant for me to feel regretful and guilty by saying it, but I do feel guilty in a way because she has a point. I can see how me not wanting to go out with her can leave her feeling alone a lot. She used to go out all the time with my older sister when she was living with us, and she was always closer to my older sister than she was to me, but its just me and my mom now in the house, so I do understand how she can feel sort of isolated by my ways.
She told me she didn't know that a lot of her criticisms were hurting me. She thought she was helping me by telling me what I do "wrong", as she called it, in public. Just like with her nagging me about my religious beliefs, she told me she'll do her best to lay off the criticism, but like I said before, only her actions in the future will show if she lives up to her claims and actually does try to work at being more understanding and accepting. Hopefully she means what she said.
As a whole I think it went pretty well. Now I guess me and her are going to focus on moving forward from this, and we'll see how things pan out. At least the negative tension in the house seems to be gone for now, which is a huge relief.
if you had a tray of fish sticks and ketchup i'd have to come over and referee and stuff
