Journey of Jazz

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PerseverareJasmine

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My calves are sore right now. After working out my calves and thighs always feel really, really sore.

I've just realized that I have many different nicknames. My dad calls me "Chicken Nugget", "Biscuit", and "J-Boogie". My mom calls me "Light-Bulb" to make fun of my skin tone, and "Little Jasmine", and my sister calls me "Jamine" because as a kid she would always drop the s from my name when she said it. She calls me "Sissy" sometimes too. Weird nicknames. I remember my French teacher in high school used to pronounce my name as "Jas-mean" She'd always say "Jas-mean, you are saying that word wrong!" I usually like to go by Jazz, some people call me Jazzy though, which is okay with me too.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I feel comfortable for the most part right now. I'm in this old oversized t-shirt that my dad used to wear, I have on my dog slippers, and I'm browsing the Internet while watching t.v., but there's something in the back of my mind that's making me feel uneasy. I can't really put my finger on what it is exactly. Its just this cluster of ideas that makes me uncomfortable when I think about them, so I'm trying to avoid them becoming the main focus of my thoughts.

Sometimes I wish I could fade into the background and float past people without them knowing I'm there, though I think I'm pretty easily forgotten and its easy for people to look past me anyway, so maybe it wouldn't make much of a difference if I was invisible.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I wish that I knew how to dance well. I dance in private, but I don't think I'd ever be comfortable dancing in front of people. I was watching two people dance on a show that I was watching earlier, and it was very beautiful to me. I loved watching the way they moved with the music that was playing. I think the only kind of dancing I might be decent at is slow dancing, though I think it'd be tricky trying not to step on the guy's toes that I'm dancing with. I've had silly fantasies about slow dancing, having my arms wrapped around a guy's neck and his hands on my waist while we slow dance around the room, but I'm not sure if that will ever happen in reality for me. Its nice to imagine though.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I've been listening to a lot of Elliot Smith songs tonight. I've always liked his voice. His songs are pretty relaxing too.

My mom's out with her boyfriend again, so its just me, myself, and I tonight. Well, my dog is with me too, so he counts. I've been having issues with my mom like I've mentioned in here before, so I think that this time we're having apart from each other is helping in a way, but we still haven't confronted the problems. I'm afraid if I do try to confront her about how she's been making me feel a huge argument will happen with both of us yelling at the top of our lungs at each other, but not really listening to each other, which won't help anything.

This time alone has been pretty nice though. I do get lonely, but its still generally peaceful.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I'm feeling kind of...."geilig" right now. I don't really feel like doing something about it though, so I guess I'll just try to take my mind off of it. Those kind of thoughts get into my head a lot, probably because I've never "done it" before.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
PerseverareJasmine said:
I'm feeling kind of...."geilig" right now. I don't really feel like doing something about it though, so I guess I'll just try to take my mind off of it. Those kind of thoughts get into my head a lot, probably because I've never "done it" before.
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I had to look up "geilig." Oh, my. :giggle: You should have lots of men at your feet. You'll find a nice man very soon, I think, and the two of you can explore your sexuality as slow or as vicious as you like. :bigsmile:
 
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jc972

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PerseverareJasmine said:
I'm feeling kind of...."geilig" right now. I don't really feel like doing something about it though, so I guess I'll just try to take my mind off of it. Those kind of thoughts get into my head a lot, probably because I've never "done it" before.
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I'm still lost as to gelling's meaning.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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MikeyC said:
I had to look up "geilig." Oh, my. :giggle: You should have lots of men at your feet. You'll find a nice man very soon, I think, and the two of you can explore your sexuality as slow or as vicious as you like. :bigsmile:
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Every guy has their own preferences, which is fine, and I haven't matched up to what some guys want in the past, but maybe I will find a guy who wants to be with me one day. :giggle: I'd love for the exploration to be vicious, but I think I'd probably be too nervous for it to be, at first anyway.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
PerseverareJasmine said:
Every guy has their own preferences, which is fine, and I haven't matched up to what some guys want in the past, but maybe I will find a guy who wants to be with me one day. :giggle: I'd love for the exploration to be vicious, but I think I'd probably be too nervous for it to be, at first anyway.
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I think the first time should be slower and intimate, but once you and your guy get more accustomed to each other, and you get more experience, then you can be more wild and impromptu about it. As a virgin myself, I'm looking forward to these times, as much as they unnerve me, too. :)
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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MikeyC said:
I think the first time should be slower and intimate, but once you and your guy get more accustomed to each other, and you get more experience, then you can be more wild and impromptu about it. As a virgin myself, I'm looking forward to these times, as much as they unnerve me, too. :)
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I agree, I think that I'd prefer for my first time to be slower and for things to be done leisurely. I wrote before that I'd like for the "exploration" to be vicious, but that probably wouldn't be best for my first time. I think I'd embarrass myself if I tried to be wild the first time lol. I'm looking forward to both times, the slow lovemaking and the more wild, rough experiences :thumbup:.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I've never understood why some people think that a person being quiet is some kind of a bad thing. I remember in junior high school I was in English class and our teacher asked us to split up into groups to work on a project. I really disliked when teachers allowed us to split into groups instead of assigning them because I was usually left out of the groups, left to stand towards the back of the classroom while I blushed and shuffled my feet and looked at all of the kids already in their groups, afraid to approach a group to ask if I could join them. Yet again, I was left without a group, so my English teacher told me to join a group of three girls. My stomach sank as soon as he told me to join them because the girls were quite rude and mean. They would always make fun of people in class for what they were wearing, how they spoke, how they behaved, etc. As soon as my teacher told me to join the three of them they started groaning and complaining that they didn't want me to be in a group with them because I was too quiet. I remember one of the girls saying "No, she never talks!" The teacher told them to basically suck it up though, so they were stuck with me. They mostly just ignored me while we worked. I remember the first time that I spoke up to suggest an idea about the project to them they all acted shocked that I could talk. "Wow, she can talk!" they said. I always hated that reaction when I would speak up in class.

They acted like they thought I was a freak just because I was quiet. I don't think I'll ever understand why some people have that thought process. The girls I had to be in a group with were particularly rude, yes, but I found that a lot of kids in school behaved similarly. They would take a dislike to many of the quiet kids in school and would talk about them behind their backs. I remember another instance where I was talking to a girl in class and I suppose she felt I wasn't contributing enough to the conversation, so she outright told me to my face "You're really quiet. Its so weird." A person shouldn't have to feel ashamed simply for being quiet. I've always thought that maybe the fear of the unknown might play into it, perhaps the quietness might be unsettling to some people, but that's not an excuse for mistreating people who are quiet.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I'm feeling drowsy, slightly frustrated, and cold right now. Not a good combination. I think I need to take a nap. Laying in my bed under my warm blanket sounds nice right now. I'll probably listen to some music until I can fall asleep.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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It is very hot where I live today, much too hot for me. I usually like it when it is not too cold and not too hot outside. Although I do love a nice thunderstorm or when it snows. We rarely get snow here though. I wish this Texas weather would chill out, literally. This weather is getting the thumbs down from me today.

gladiator-thumbsdown.jpg
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I tried coconut milk for the first time today and I love it. It tastes a bit sweet and its thinner than regular milk. Mmm, I'm drinking some right now.

I've noticed some changes happening to my body since I started working out. My face has gotten a little thinner and my butt has become more lifted. My legs seem to look more toned too. There are some things that I don't really want to lose as a result of working out though, like the shape of my thighs and my bust size. I think a lot of women have those same issues, wanting to lose weight, but wanting to keep certain features too. Overall I'm glad that I decided to work out more though. Its helped me relieve some stress and its a pretty good distraction.
 
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