Journey of Jazz

Hey happy birthday 🙂

jc972 said: ↑

Hey happy birthday 🙂

Thanks jc!

I know I'm a day late, but happy birthday!

Belated birthday wishes are better than nothing, so happy birthday from me too.

Consider yourself hugged.

Hoppy said: ↑

Belated birthday wishes are better than nothing, so happy birthday from me too.

Consider yourself hugged.

fate12321 said: ↑

I know I'm a day late, but happy birthday!

Thank you, fate and Hoppy 🙂.

Happy b'day :thumbup:

SoScared said: ↑

Happy b'day :thumbup:

Hey SoScared, and thanks 🙂. Hmm, maybe I should have some cheesecake to "recelebrate"..

Recelebration!!!

Now that is a genius idea. Why have I never thought of that?

Have cheesecake, and enjoy it.

Hoppy said: ↑

Recelebration!!!

Now that is a genius idea. Why have I never thought of that?

Have cheesecake, and enjoy it.

(Re)Celebrate good times, come on! Now that song is stuck in my head, dang it. I did end up having cheesecake, and a cup of chocolate milk with it too 🙂.

Oh, I'm a week late. Happy Birthday

Deja Vu said: ↑

Oh, I'm a week late. Happy Birthday

It was on the 18th, but that's alright, thanks 🙂.

PerseverareJasmine said: ↑

It was on the 18th, but that's alright, thanks 🙂.

Oh that's almost 2 weeks late.

:z

Deja Vu said: ↑

Oh that's almost 2 weeks late.

:z

Yeah, but its fine really. Thanks again.

I've been seeing less crickets in the house, finally. I've been on the antibiotics doxycycline for 21 days now, and they already seem to be helping, so even though I'm not looking forward to taking them for three months like the dermatologist instructed (grr), I'm going to stick with it. The side effects from taking them have started to become much less frequent, and the queasiness I was experiencing when I first went on them is fading, so I think I'll be fine.

I wish I would stop having nightmares nearly every time I fall asleep. They keep causing me to wake up panting and I have to try to calm myself down by drinking some water and watching tv for a while until I can fall back asleep, if I'm able to fall back asleep, that is.

I'm a little irritated. I was talking to my mom earlier and somehow we got on the subject of kissing. When she asked me if I've ever kissed anyone and I told her I haven't, she started laughing her butt off. I don't mean only a slight chuckle or giggle, she was full on belly laughing and rocking back and forth. It should have been obvious from the look on my face that I didn't appreciate the fact that she seemed to be so amused about it, but she just kept laughing for a while longer, and laughed even harder when she saw how I was reacting. Then when I told her I didn't think it was that funny, she gave me a flimsy apology with a smile on her face, the kind of apology that someone makes when they are only brushing something off and don't think they were truly wrong.

I don't think she meant to hurt or offend me by laughing. I guess she genuinely found my serious lack of experience to be funny, but it got to me. Maybe its my own insecurities that made the situation seem worse. The fact that she couldn't give me a sincere apology didn't help either.

Some parents just don't cut the mustard. When I was 13 a girl, the first, unexpectedly called round me. I was out at the time but on my return my mother ripped into me calling me ‘soppy’.

All these years later that moment stays in my mind. I still havn’t been able to reconcile it or to understand in the slightest where she was coming from apart from thinking like ‘wtf.’ *speechless*.

SoScared said: ↑

Some parents just don't cut the mustard. When I was 13 a girl, the first, unexpectedly called round me. I was out at the time but on my return my mother ripped into me calling me ‘soppy’.

All these years later that moment stays in my mind. I still havn’t been able to reconcile it or to understand in the slightest where she was coming from apart from thinking like ‘wtf.’ *speechless*.

I think ridicule from a parent often stings the most. Maybe that's because sometimes a parent's insults can make their son or daughter feel like their parent disapproves of them or their actions, even if that may not always be the parent's intention or thought process.

For me, it seems like a lot of the issues I have with my mom come from us misunderstanding each other, and having different interpretations of what we are trying to get across to each other. I love her and I know she loves me, but our lack of being able to understand each other has caused a strain in our relationship. It also causes each of us to often have the impression that the other is trying to be rude or hurtful with their words or actions. I don't think that our relationship is entirely screwed up and unable to be fixed, thankfully, but I know it'll take a lot of time, patience, and effort on both of our parts to find a somewhat common ground.

Usually when I get fortunes in fortune cookies, it'll have messages saying things like "Today you'll find a way to express your creativity" or "Soon someone will appreciate your talents", and I normally don't pay them any mind. I just gobble down the cookie. Today I got a fortune that only said "Accept yourself", and this will probably sound extremely stupid, but it sort of struck a chord in me and I started to tear up. Maybe it was because I was just feeling emotional at the time, I don't know. I've never been able to accept myself though, so I guess that's what made me feel sad.

The negative aspects of myself have always been the way that I define myself, and they are the way I see myself, despite reassurance or efforts to improve. If someone were to ask me to describe myself, the things I hate about myself would pop into my mind first, and it'd be a struggle to look past them and pick out any positive qualities to tell the person. Its been my wish for a long time now that someone could magically create a "new and improved" version of myself, and I could just leave this version of myself behind and slip into the version that I could feel is worthwhile.