FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Good stuff. 
Hopefully you've gotten the suitcase opened.
Hopefully you've gotten the suitcase opened.
Journey of Jazz
- Thread starter PerseverareJasmine
- Start date
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
I took some pictures of my dog Spanky when I was feeling bored earlier and he was curled up near me in the living room with his favorite pillow.
It sort of looks like he's trying to do a model pose in this one, what with the angle of his head
And here's one of him in my mom's truck when we took him to the vet a while back.
Awww........He's adorable!
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
Good stuff.
Hopefully you've gotten the suitcase opened.
Wow, I haven't looked or written in this diary in a while. Very late reply here for me. I did eventually get it open and packed after procrastinating with the animal videos for a long time. The trip went pretty well. I'm now hooked on that cat video though
h:.PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
I think he purposely uses his cuteness to his advantage sometimes. It makes it hard to stay mad at him or tell him no. Usually I just end up petting him and baby talking to him after he does something bad instead of scolding him like I probably should. He always gets me with those big dog eyes of his, dang it
.PerseverareJasmine
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I've noticed that sometimes when a person passes away some people say "Well, they lived a full life." I'm not sure what exactly defines someone's life as being full though. I guess the definition of what a full life means might vary from person to person? What might be considered as a full life to one person might seem like an empty, unfulfilling life to someone else. I sometimes wonder what my family and others who I've gotten to know might say about me or my life when I pass away. I wonder if maybe the people who know me will be left thinking that I didn't make the most of my life. I hope I'll discover more about what would make my own life feel full and satisfying in my own mind as I get older. I don't know if its an unreasonable fear, but I'm afraid of waking up one day and realizing that I'm entirely jaded and can no longer recognize any kind of beauty, love, or joy in my life. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't know where all of this is coming from, its just something I've been thinking about a lot recently.
I've been listening to a lot of Jim Croce songs lately. I like the kind of songs he made, sweet, simple, and straightforward. Although some were a bit cheesy I suppose, that's okay with me though. His music makes me want to relax while eating ice cream or a bowl of cereal. Plus he had a pretty impressive mustache.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6Vn17S37_Y
I've been listening to a lot of Jim Croce songs lately. I like the kind of songs he made, sweet, simple, and straightforward. Although some were a bit cheesy I suppose, that's okay with me though. His music makes me want to relax while eating ice cream or a bowl of cereal. Plus he had a pretty impressive mustache.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6Vn17S37_Y
PerseverareJasmine
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PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
My sister's going to be driving here from San Antonio tomorrow to visit. She said she's leaving out pretty late, at about 8 p.m. I don't really like the idea of her making the trip late when its dark outside, but she should be fine. Then we have to go to Texarkana with our mom on the 24th to visit our grandma and have Christmas dinner the next evening. I'm looking forward to seeing my sister again, but I'm not looking forward to the Christmas dinner at my grandma's very much. Especially because my grandma and I have often been at odds with each other. The trip to Texarkana will be pretty tiring too because its a five hour drive from here. I'll get through it though, we're not going to be staying there for too long. It might go by quickly, at least that's what I'm hoping.
PerseverareJasmine
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PerseverareJasmine
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I think my dad and his girlfriend have broken up for good this time. They've broken up before in the past, but were always able to make up and get back together. This time it feels more "official". He even moved out of her place and into an apartment. I feel bad because I thought she was a good fit for him and was a pretty nice person, but sometimes it just doesn't work out I guess. Hope my dad will start to feel better about it in time.
I'd love to get to see a place like the one in this video. I think its really pretty. I like the song too, its one of my favorite love songs actually, and it makes me feel calm. Calmness is a always a nice break from whatever worrying I might be doing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bg4bzOtA-M
I'd love to get to see a place like the one in this video. I think its really pretty. I like the song too, its one of my favorite love songs actually, and it makes me feel calm. Calmness is a always a nice break from whatever worrying I might be doing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bg4bzOtA-M
PerseverareJasmine
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PerseverareJasmine
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In the book I'm reading there was a quote that said "I carry on an inner monologue, but the words often don't reach my lips." I can relate to it. I used to think of it all the time as a flaw, and sometimes I still do, because I think it would be more convenient at times to be able to not feel insecure about letting out what I'm thinking and having the ability to just blurt it out. Maybe its not completely a flaw though. It is useful in some ways I guess.
I've been thinking a lot about vulnerability lately. I've spent a lot of time, probably too much time, of my life trying to avoid letting myself be vulnerable, which can come in handy at times, but maybe there's something that can be gained from letting my guard down in some cases even if its scary or feels risky to do.
I've been thinking a lot about vulnerability lately. I've spent a lot of time, probably too much time, of my life trying to avoid letting myself be vulnerable, which can come in handy at times, but maybe there's something that can be gained from letting my guard down in some cases even if its scary or feels risky to do.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
My dog woke me up wanting to go outside a little after midnight. I wasn't able to fall back asleep so I did some more reading. I really love when one of my books gets that kind of "wear and tear" look going on after a while. I like seeing a paperback book cover becoming really bent because I had it folded over a bad way while reading, or seeing little creases in the cover or some of the corners of the pages starting to fold up. I like seeing the small stains left behind on the pages if I accidently spilt a little juice or food on them and tried to wipe it away. It might sound strange I guess, but I think things like that gives the book a sort of..personality? Yeah, I guess that's the best way I can describe what I mean. It makes the books feel more like they are actually my books, and it makes reading one of them while laying or sitting in bed even more comfortable to me.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
I've been feeling somewhat relieved, and even comforted to a degree, when I think about the fact that life is temporary and I'll be gone someday. I don't mean it in a sense that I'm looking forward to dying, though I did use to think that way at a point in my life in the past. The thought of death was actually welcoming to me at that point and I'm glad that I don't feel that way nearly as much anymore.
Its hard to put down what I'm thinking about, but I guess its more of in a sense that when I remember that my life is only for now it lets me take a step back and realize when I might be overthinking or overanalyzing a lot of things, and if I'm honest with myself most of the things I stress out about most likely won't matter at all in the long run and actually don't matter very much now. Its just that my mind or emotions usually makes them into a bigger deal than they actually are. That's not to say that just because I realize that fact that I can immediately stop the habit and be completely at peace with my thoughts and able to get "out of my own head" easily. I'm human and for whatever reason I'm the type of person who gets caught up, too caught up sometimes, in my own thoughts to the point that I consider it a flaw, but remembering that everything isn't a life or death situation, no matter how much it may seem like it to me in the heat of the moment, helps me.
It reminds me of how unimportant I really am too. That might sound almost self-deprecating, but its true that I'm only one person out of the billions of other people in the world and I'm just basically a spec in whatever "scheme" of things there might be. I'm really not likely to make any big kind of mark or ripple in the world, but that's alright with me.
Its hard to put down what I'm thinking about, but I guess its more of in a sense that when I remember that my life is only for now it lets me take a step back and realize when I might be overthinking or overanalyzing a lot of things, and if I'm honest with myself most of the things I stress out about most likely won't matter at all in the long run and actually don't matter very much now. Its just that my mind or emotions usually makes them into a bigger deal than they actually are. That's not to say that just because I realize that fact that I can immediately stop the habit and be completely at peace with my thoughts and able to get "out of my own head" easily. I'm human and for whatever reason I'm the type of person who gets caught up, too caught up sometimes, in my own thoughts to the point that I consider it a flaw, but remembering that everything isn't a life or death situation, no matter how much it may seem like it to me in the heat of the moment, helps me.
It reminds me of how unimportant I really am too. That might sound almost self-deprecating, but its true that I'm only one person out of the billions of other people in the world and I'm just basically a spec in whatever "scheme" of things there might be. I'm really not likely to make any big kind of mark or ripple in the world, but that's alright with me.
PerseverareJasmine
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PerseverareJasmine
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I love this song and video, especially the soprano's voice who sings the quick solo in the beginning. I really wish we could've sang this song when I was in choir.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7o7BrlbaDs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7o7BrlbaDs
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
I need to get out of the habit of psyching myself out before I even leave the house to go out in public. I have to admit that I often think "Dang it, this is really going to suck," or something related to that when something comes up that makes it necessary for me to go somewhere that involves more social interaction than I'm used to or when going somewhere crowded, like how I'm going out to eat dinner tomorrow with my mom and dad in Austin. Its hard for me not to think negatively about it sometimes because of past bad experiences and knowing how nervous I get in public, but it would most likely help me if I didn't automatically think about and analyze in detail all of the things that could go wrong since doing that just seems to make me more nervous and tempted to back out of going.
PerseverareJasmine
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PerseverareJasmine
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PerseverareJasmine
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I was on the phone with my dad earlier and at one point towards the end of the call he asked me pretty nonchalantly "How is Roseland (my mom's name) doing?" He'll ask me that occasionally during phone calls so I probably should be used to it, but what gets to me about it at times is how formal the question sounds coming out of his mouth. It's sort of as if it's just a question he feels obligated to ask in a way.
I guess it's just bittersweet for me to remember the time when they were all lovey-dovey and caring towards each other and hearing all of the pet names they used to call each other (at least before all of the major arguing which eventually led to them splitting up), compared to now where they basically bounce between one period where they can't stand one another or the other period where they act extremely polite to the point where it is obviously forced and appears as if they are straining to remain cordial. It's kind of like they address each other as distant acquaintances who are trying to stay on good terms with each other, even though they may be seething underneath their surfaces. Maybe that is something that just happens with some couples who get divorced. I do sometimes wonder if maybe their divorce and seeing their marriage break apart had an impact on the difficulty I have when it comes to getting close to someone because it put a certain amount of fear in me about how a relationship has the possibility to just deteriorate.
I guess it's just bittersweet for me to remember the time when they were all lovey-dovey and caring towards each other and hearing all of the pet names they used to call each other (at least before all of the major arguing which eventually led to them splitting up), compared to now where they basically bounce between one period where they can't stand one another or the other period where they act extremely polite to the point where it is obviously forced and appears as if they are straining to remain cordial. It's kind of like they address each other as distant acquaintances who are trying to stay on good terms with each other, even though they may be seething underneath their surfaces. Maybe that is something that just happens with some couples who get divorced. I do sometimes wonder if maybe their divorce and seeing their marriage break apart had an impact on the difficulty I have when it comes to getting close to someone because it put a certain amount of fear in me about how a relationship has the possibility to just deteriorate.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
I sort of wish that I had kept the old diary I used to write in when I was younger instead of throwing it out. I tossed it because I was afraid of someone in the house finding it and reading through it, but now a part of me thinks it would've been interesting to be able to go back and see what I wrote about back then, and to kind of compare and contrast it with some of the things I've written about in this diary. I think if I could read through my old one there would most likely be a lot of things in it that I can still relate to today. I do think that some of my opinions have completely changed since then though.