DarkPhoenix
Well-known member
Whenever someone is rude or nasty to you for no apparent reason, do you ever feel like somehow you deserved to be treated like that? like somehow it was your fault? would appreciate your thoughts 
It's your fault
- Thread starter DarkPhoenix
- Start date
This. It doesn't happen that often to me, either, but it really bothers me when it happens. Even when I know I shouldn't let what that particular person says get to me- like recently at work a drunken idiot accused me of being rude when I told him ten minutes after we closed that he needed to stop playing video games and exit the building. He went on and on about how I'm always so rude to him every time he comes in (even though that evening was the first time I'd ever seen him), and how I must hate my job, etc, and said things like I drive people away and stuff like that. It was all I could do not to cry when I told the assistant manager who was closing with me what happened, and that it seemed like the people weren't going to leave on their own. And two weeks later it still bugs me... like maybe it wasn't directly my fault, but something about me and the way I communicate (or don't communicate) with people sends the opposite message from what I really want to say and/or convey. It did help that my coworkers who witnessed or just heard about it laughed at the idea that I could be rude. The guy had been in there on prior occasions (not when I was working though) and might have had me confused with another coworker of mine who can be a little on the abrasive side- I don't think we look much alike except that we both have dark blonde hair and blue eyes, but she's a whole lot taller than I am. He was also flirting with some of my other female coworkers, giving them his number and telling them his life story etc, so maybe he was upset that I was aloof and didn't seem to want to flirt? I don't know, I'm probably putting way too much thought into this incident. He did come back in this past weekend, and he didn't say anything to me, and there were no incidents, but the assistant manager unplugged the video game that he had been playing when the first incident happened shortly after he arrived. :
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JamesSmith
Well-known member
It's human nature for people to think that others can do what they can, and to want to do what they want to do.
For instance, if someone with many friends comes up and starts talking to you and finds out you don't have friends, the person may think that you chose to have no friends, because to them, making friends is easy. They automatically figure you have no desire for friends, so they blame you.
Personally, I'm a nice guy and usually don't deserve to be treated nasty in most cases. If I do screw up, though, I deserve to be ridiculed, I guess. It all really depends on the situation.
For instance, if someone with many friends comes up and starts talking to you and finds out you don't have friends, the person may think that you chose to have no friends, because to them, making friends is easy. They automatically figure you have no desire for friends, so they blame you.
Personally, I'm a nice guy and usually don't deserve to be treated nasty in most cases. If I do screw up, though, I deserve to be ridiculed, I guess. It all really depends on the situation.
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
Yeah, sure.
For me, I think it's partially a self-esteem thing.
I think I'm crap, so I don't blame people for treating me like crap because I probably deserve to be treated that way.
I don't like it... but I don't think they don't have reason to.
It is my fault. Everything is my fault somehow.
For me, I think it's partially a self-esteem thing.
I think I'm crap, so I don't blame people for treating me like crap because I probably deserve to be treated that way.
I don't like it... but I don't think they don't have reason to.
It is my fault. Everything is my fault somehow.
Aww, McGee and others, sorry to hear you feel like that... I've often felt similar too... I try to be reasonable about it: usually it's at least 15 or 256 people's fault, and I only carry 1/15 of the blame at most... (I tell myself and that it's also the society, the media, those people and their parents/families/immediate environment... eg if someone was rude maybe their mama didn't raise them proper?? Maybe they've been spoilt or expecting irrational things.. Or maybe they've been going through rough times, maybe financial difficulties or love trouble, people snap faster then...)
Alas, I've snapped at people when I was going through rough times myself, eg when I had PMS or was just super-busy/cranky or something.. (I do try to apologize and/or make amends next time..)
Sometimes it had nothing or very little to do with them personally..
Lurknomore, that person was probably addicted to video games, some people can get really rude in that mode!! (my sis too...)
It's impossible that *everything* would be any one person's fault!! (There are so many things that can contribute to an event or conversation...)
I've often felt like that too, especially if someone close to me has snapped at me or felt bad, but it's often just 'irrational' thoughts, maybe some guilt OCD in my case sometimes...
My mum's been very critical and nit-picking a lot, so I've internalized a lot of negative self-talk (even though she says I've been praised 'a lot' as a kid, but I don't remember that-?) It's difficult if someone thinks it's other people's fault all the time... (or at least it may seem that way, often)
I think it's basically when 'attacked' some people 'jump' into aggression, some into self-accusations... a cousin jumps into 'aggression' mode, I've jumped into 'self-accusation mode' often...
It's important to try to find if there are really any 'real' things that could be changed next time or not...
and that it's also the society, the media, those people and their parents/families/immediate environment... eg if someone was rude maybe their mama didn't raise them proper?? Maybe they've been spoilt or expecting irrational things.. Or maybe they've been going through rough times, maybe financial difficulties or love trouble, people snap faster then...)Alas, I've snapped at people when I was going through rough times myself, eg when I had PMS or was just super-busy/cranky or something.. (I do try to apologize and/or make amends next time..)
Sometimes it had nothing or very little to do with them personally..
Lurknomore, that person was probably addicted to video games, some people can get really rude in that mode!! (my sis too...)
It's impossible that *everything* would be any one person's fault!! (There are so many things that can contribute to an event or conversation...)
I've often felt like that too, especially if someone close to me has snapped at me or felt bad, but it's often just 'irrational' thoughts, maybe some guilt OCD in my case sometimes...
My mum's been very critical and nit-picking a lot, so I've internalized a lot of negative self-talk (even though she says I've been praised 'a lot' as a kid, but I don't remember that-?) It's difficult if someone thinks it's other people's fault all the time... (or at least it may seem that way, often)
I think it's basically when 'attacked' some people 'jump' into aggression, some into self-accusations... a cousin jumps into 'aggression' mode, I've jumped into 'self-accusation mode' often...
It's important to try to find if there are really any 'real' things that could be changed next time or not...
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Well that depends.
My parents might be screwballs who don't have nothing up their sleves
but hey they need a kitkat break too.
Next story, long story short. Videogame people are living inside of a bubble they do not want to burst, and when talking another language ( non-weebo )
to them, they just get upset like bobbys world hulk in whatever way they get upset at me. I was one of them and I work so hard to break free from
that way of life. I get yelled at, insulted by them, physically abused, and
even made fun of. They are the most nastiest bunch especially in the adult
stage. I wish they could see the light like I have. I am not talking about the
internet, I mean people in real life.
Then of course siblings, who are angry at me because they know I can't
lay down the law on them, but that does not stop me from running my lip.
Is it my fault, no. Do I really give a damn, no. Why? because I have too much
work to do, and not enough time. It is living with cancer everyday and the only responce you can give the world is "$#%#)@". Seriously let them be angry because I know what is on the otherside of the magical rainbow called
life.
My parents might be screwballs who don't have nothing up their sleves
but hey they need a kitkat break too.
Next story, long story short. Videogame people are living inside of a bubble they do not want to burst, and when talking another language ( non-weebo )
to them, they just get upset like bobbys world hulk in whatever way they get upset at me. I was one of them and I work so hard to break free from
that way of life. I get yelled at, insulted by them, physically abused, and
even made fun of. They are the most nastiest bunch especially in the adult
stage. I wish they could see the light like I have. I am not talking about the
internet, I mean people in real life.
Then of course siblings, who are angry at me because they know I can't
lay down the law on them, but that does not stop me from running my lip.
Is it my fault, no. Do I really give a damn, no. Why? because I have too much
work to do, and not enough time. It is living with cancer everyday and the only responce you can give the world is "$#%#)@". Seriously let them be angry because I know what is on the otherside of the magical rainbow called
life.
razzle dazzle rose
Well-known member
I do wonder if I provoked them. I do remind myself thtat it is them and not me. It helps sometimes, but I still get annoyed. I am amused by how strangers can be so flat out rude.
If someone unknown, "huh, all right."
If someone known to be ill-liked, "okay."
If someone known and well liked by me an others, "oh, I really did do something."
If someone known to be ill-liked, "okay."
If someone known and well liked by me an others, "oh, I really did do something."
SeniorRedrings
Banned
No.
I opened up to someone I thought was my friend,I even thanked them for their friendship....that led to them taking it away.
I just chalk that one down to me not noticing how mental and cruel they were.
I don't feel the need to share the blame for them being defective.
I opened up to someone I thought was my friend,I even thanked them for their friendship....that led to them taking it away.
I just chalk that one down to me not noticing how mental and cruel they were.
I don't feel the need to share the blame for them being defective.
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Yes I would. Why else would they be acting rude or nasty toward me? I know there are many answers to that question but do not think of them when someone is rude or nasty. If it's directed at me I'm just thinking there is something I could have done differently to prevent them from acting that way.
takethislife
Well-known member
Yes. But maybe there is truth in this. I know for myself that when i'm in a situation where i'm not comfortable, I tend to be nervous and a bit edgy (a defense mechanism I guess) which people maybe see as a provocation
THeCARS1979
Well-known member
Hey you shouldn't feel that way and should think better of yourself, because I do.
Do not let anyone talk down to you. Always stand up for yourself.
Imogen
Active member
Pretty much. If someone is rude to me, or angry at me without reason I just assume I've done something or I deserve it because well, I'm a loser. When someone calls my name in my home, my first response is "What have I done, or not done?", because I'm usually the one at fault for something, be it not for being pretty enough, smart enough, fast enough, etc or just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, it's usually my fault regardless of the issue and I couldn't tell you why I feel like that. Low self-esteem, crappy upbringing, whatever.
moon_x
Well-known member
Maybe I deserve to be told, but I dont like to be told aggressively, unless they my parents then they have the right I guess. I just dont think being nasty or rude is nessasrily, if someone is wrong then just teach them instead and give them a chance.
Actually everything is my fault. When someone yawns or dont remember what I said, it is my fault. If you think deeply into it, it really is. There is a key to make people remember stuff and there is a way to make people understand. You just have to do your best in life. If you dont, it can be a bit your fault.
Actually everything is my fault. When someone yawns or dont remember what I said, it is my fault. If you think deeply into it, it really is. There is a key to make people remember stuff and there is a way to make people understand. You just have to do your best in life. If you dont, it can be a bit your fault.
spaceboy135
Well-known member
did you grow up with super critical parents? if so then they would have made you feel shameful for being yourself so naturally yes you would feel that way when someone else reacts negatively to you ... work on healing your shame
shadowsnip
Member
This. It doesn't happen that often to me, either, but it really bothers me when it happens. Even when I know I shouldn't let what that particular person says get to me- like recently at work a drunken idiot accused me of being rude when I told him ten minutes after we closed that he needed to stop playing video games and exit the building. He went on and on about how I'm always so rude to him every time he comes in (even though that evening was the first time I'd ever seen him), and how I must hate my job, etc, and said things like I drive people away and stuff like that. It was all I could do not to cry when I told the assistant manager who was closing with me what happened, and that it seemed like the people weren't going to leave on their own. And two weeks later it still bugs me... like maybe it wasn't directly my fault, but something about me and the way I communicate (or don't communicate) with people sends the opposite message from what I really want to say and/or convey. It did help that my coworkers who witnessed or just heard about it laughed at the idea that I could be rude. The guy had been in there on prior occasions (not when I was working though) and might have had me confused with another coworker of mine who can be a little on the abrasive side- I don't think we look much alike except that we both have dark blonde hair and blue eyes, but she's a whole lot taller than I am. He was also flirting with some of my other female coworkers, giving them his number and telling them his life story etc, so maybe he was upset that I was aloof and didn't seem to want to flirt? I don't know, I'm probably putting way too much thought into this incident. He did come back in this past weekend, and he didn't say anything to me, and there were no incidents, but the assistant manager unplugged the video game that he had been playing when the first incident happened shortly after he arrived. :
You shouldn't get upset over this at all. I mean the guy's a drunken idiot. Be a smart ass to him and threaten to call the cops if he doesn't leave (it actually is the right thing to do). And if he's being a dick smile at him because this will get to him more than anything and if he gets violent call the police. They will take care of him.
