"It's all in your head"

[planemo]

I'm sure many of us are used to people telling us "it's all in your head". The problem is that I don't dispute this, I agree totally that it's all in my head. If it wasn't, I would have the same perception and experiences like others who don't seem to have something wrong going on in their noggin.

But the million dollar question is: "how do I get it out of my head?"
I certainly can't seem to find a way. Anyone else know how to think and feel differently? Is it just an impossible barrier to break down? Sometimes I wonder why people like us, have to "fix" something before we feel and act like everyone else.

 

[Chriiss]

Frustrating Init!?!
I listen to music a lot. It doesn't get rid of my negative feelings but I find shutting my eyes and getting lost in the music makes you forget for a bit.

 

[Snowdrop]

Thanks for asking this question because I really need the answer myself! I've tried everything but nothing seems to ever work Have you ever tried CBT? I didn't find it very helpful but it depends on each individual of course. Other than that, I suppose it's all about simplifying the things we think are 'complicated'. I find myself feeling a bit more free and happy if I just either don't think about it or once I hit a thought I know is negative, I'll try to think about something else. It's this though that I find hard, thinking of something positive when the negative thoughts are so distracting.

 

[Dronee]

Very hard to unlearn things...

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Resist the temptation to over-analyze a situation. Perhaps I speak for the majority of us when I say that we make a bad habit of over analyzing. Remember not to think more than you have to. Philly and Xylia mentioned training and lack of training in an earlier thread. Remember that we have trained ourselves to be the way we are and think they way we think. Surely our beliefs may have been influenced by our environment, our life experiences (and those of others), peers and/or family, but we are essentially responsible for the way we think.

If you can't help but over analyze then make it work in your favor. What I found helpful is not so much getting negative or irrational beliefs out of my head, but altering them. Altering them into something more rational. We don't want to be too negative or too positive, we want to find that healthy middle point. What are some negative or irrational thoughts that fill you with anxiety? Take the time to acknowledge these thoughts and try to replace them with more rational alternatives. When viable, write these thoughts down in a notebook. Carry it around with you throughout the day if possible and write down your thoughts. Hopefully, with some effort and consistency, this will become second nature and you will automatically think more rationally. Also, I find that writing can be very cathartic and a great way to sort my thoughts and feelings. Writing might also be helpful to you.

I can't guarantee that this will work for you, but I don't see any harm in trying it out. In my experience, the results are dependent on how much effort and consistency one invests.

A quick note on getting carried away with over analyzing. A co-worker told me something very valuable today. If you over-analyze a situation or a person's actions/words, you risk making something unreal, too real.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Very hard to unlearn things...

Yes, but not impossible.

 

[3lefts]

Sometimes I wonder why people like us, have to "fix" something before we feel and act like everyone else.

I like this. Maybe that is exactly the "it" inside our heads?
Maybe there is nothing to fix. What would need fixing? Why not change without he mindset of fixing one's self, and be content with what we are as we are.
I notice people without social anxiety are usually ohk with a lot of stuff I am not.

 

[punklove]

I don't think it's impossible but I do think it's different for everyone.
It could take a few months for one person but years and years for another.
Changing the way you think can't be that easy at all.

 

[Minty]

For me, it's not a matter of unlearning things. It's a matter of adopting an entirely new way of thinking, because this is how I've always been as far back as I can remember.

Question is...how do I change my way of thinking if this is all I've ever known? If someone were to tell me to change my skin color to blue, I would know exactly what to do because I know what blue looks like. I've perceived blue before. I could just get a full-body blue tattoo, or something.

But changing the way I think...how do I do that? I have NO IDEA how others think because I'm not in their heads. They can tell me how they think they think, but honestly, a lot of what goes on in their heads they are unaware of themselves. So it would only be partially right.

Maybe I'm totally off. All that I know is positive thinking isn't enough. I've been positive for years. Doesn't make the anxiety go away.

 

[JamesSmith]

It's not all in your head, it's in your body and your head. Muscle tension leads to anxiety. I once read a quote, "A relaxed body is a relaxed mind." And you can swap body and mind in that and it's still the same. What you need to do is with your brain think of a way to relax all the muscles in your body and find a way to make that a habit. Research was done in the 1930s?, some time in the first half of this century i think, by Dr. Edmund Jacobson. He discovered that it is impossible to worry when you are totally relaxed. If you try to just think your way out of this, you won't succeed. It's your body that's making your mind worry and be anxious, not just your mind. I'm not sure if it's possible to habitually relax with how bad my anxiety is, but it's worth a shot....it's my only shot at happiness.

 

[Overload]

Expanding on the relaxed body is a relaxed mind part, some simple exercises I've heard about and used myself are to take a few deep breaths when feeling anxious, and to tense up all your muscles for a few seconds then release the tension.

 

[planemo]

Thanks everyone for your replies and advice. You all make great points, and ultimately I guess it's down to one's thinking.

Remember that we have trained ourselves to be the way we are and think they way we think. Surely our beliefs may have been influenced by our environment, our life experiences (and those of others), peers and/or family, but we are essentially responsible for the way we think.

I suppose it's my over analyzing side that probably leads me to believe this::, but of all the things you mentioned, none of them are completely in our control. I suppose only tweaking and working with what you have is in our control. So if you're at a disadvantage, due to genetics or whatever then it seems like you're in for a hard time. (yeah I know, just the type of thinking I should learn to curb, forgive me)

But thanks for the strategy. I hope I'm motivated enough to try it.

Have you ever tried CBT?

no snowdrop i haven't. it's too expensive at this time.

 

[Kiwong]

Perhaps social anxiety is indeed in my mind head, but perhaps the way some people respond so negatively to my anxiety is all in their heads.

 

[JamesSmith]

One of the most common mistakes an anxiety disorder sufferer makes is that they think they are responsible for what they think. Anxiety is a genetic disorder and is not a choice. If we could control it, we would. If we were given a choice, we would choose to not have anxiety and would choose to be in control. Many anxiety disorder sufferers blame themselves for their failures when they should not blame themselves. Ask yourself this, if you had a choice, would you have chosen to fail at what you failed at?

 

[SilentBird]

It's about what I believe... of life, the world, people, myself... and beliefs change.

 

[Overload]

I really think a healthy amount of exercise and good diet would be a great thing for all of us. If your body is feeling good, your mind will feel good, and you will be less susceptible to anxiety and other negative feelings.

Right now I'm reading a book called The China Study. It's about how the typical diet for most Americans makes us sick, and is responsible for the high rates of cancer, diabetes, and other diseases. If you want a pdf, pm me.

 

[Silentknight]

Frustrating Init!?!
I listen to music a lot. It doesn't get rid of my negative feelings but I find shutting my eyes and getting lost in the music makes you forget for a bit.

Yes yes yes this is what I do on now a constant basis I can't even leave my house without my iPod playing music through my headphones or else I will go through a panic attack. It's the only way I can get IT out of my head.

 

[doubleM]

it is all in your head, your mind actually. im convinced that all kinds of anxiety are a sign of a repressed emotion in the subconscious mind, and it leaks out into the conscious mind(anxiety).
think about it, your social anxiety and avoidance is a form of protection. your brain creates that fear to protect you from experiencing emotions that it thinks are too harmful. other things can be a distraction from those emotions like, addictions, eating, physical pains, etc.
i view SA and depression differently now that i understand how the mind works.