Is this just me?

[ChrisBcrusty]

So clearly everyone on this forum has social anxiety and avoids social situations, but does anyone still have issues even when they find acceptance? I tend to continue doubting myself even when I have been assured 100% unconditional acceptance. I have best friend who has stuck by my side since grade school, he is a very popular person and I feel so not deserving of his friendship. We been friends so long he has seen my true self when I guess I accidently slip out of my shell. For some reason he thinks I am a awesome and hilarious person even when I continue to train wreck every social situation he introduces me to. He only wants to help, but when he throws all these social and vibrant people at me it just makes my anxiety 10x worse. I literally want to run. Recently he has talked to me less and less and the worst part is that I don't blame him. I pushed him away because I cant handle his social baggage. Same thing goes for everyone who has ever really liked me and even on this site I do not feel like I fit in. I overthink everything I write. I always feel like I am talking too much about myself when I am not, but all I want is to relate and help eachother because this I am so miserable the thought of someone else experiencing this crushes me. Everyone here also seems so educated and successful. Like how isn't this DESTROYING your life?? am I just being baby and being lazy? I've have quit good jobs and dropped out of high school because of this, but I feel like it was the right thing to do because I was so depressed I was on the verge of suicide. Anyway I am out of friends and I cant seem to make new ones even when I try so hard. I also am not very familiar with forums so I always feel like am posting in the wrong section or people are annoyed that I am just whining and not trying to fix things. I cant even bond with my own brother. I am so alone even when I am not. Any advice would be much appreciated. :kickingmyself:

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Everyone here also seems so educated and successful.

Really? Maybe you haven't read enough posts yet.

Like how isn't this DESTROYING your life?? am I just being baby and being lazy? I've have quit good jobs and dropped out of high school because of this, but I feel like it was the right thing to do because I was so depressed I was on the verge of suicide. Anyway I am out of friends and I cant seem to make new ones even when I try so hard. I also am not very familiar with forums so I always feel like am posting in the wrong section or people are annoyed that I am just whining and not trying to fix things. I cant even bond with my own brother. I am so alone even when I am not. Any advice would be much appreciated. :kickingmyself:

This stuff has done serious damage to a lot of people's lives on here, including mine. I doubt you're just being a baby or lazy.

Depression and suicidal thoughts are par for the course around here. So is being nervous about posting.

Try not to punish yourself for what you can't help. Someone with brain problems who blames themselves for not being able to socialize well enough is like someone with polio blaming themselves for not being able to run well enough.

 

[Lavinialuna]

Hi, you sound just like me. I had a ton of friends who liked me but I found myself pulling away because socializing became overstimulating. How sad! I know exactly how you feel. I pushed myself to socialize to the point where I had a nervous breakdown and now, after nearly 2 years I am finally able to talk to some of them again. Of course I realize it will never be the same again and I know they still don't understand... it rips your life apart, especially when what we really need is support! Don't feel alone.
SA is also greatly effecting my life. I barely leave the house at all. I don't like to talk on the phone, and don't trust anyone. It's a hard way to be.
Honestly, I feel better socializing on here with strangers than with people I know. Unlike most with SA I don't like going out- not because of fear of strangers, but because I'm afraid I will have to talk to someone I might know (or have to talk to someone period.)
Don't beat yourself up. I am new here, but maybe you are posting in the wrong places? Keep trying, don't give up. I really believe there is hope for people like us. Peace to you.

 

[Lavinialuna]

Really? Maybe you haven't read enough posts yet.

This stuff has done serious damage to a lot of people's lives on here, including mine. I doubt you're just being a baby or lazy.

Depression and suicidal thoughts are par for the course around here. So is being nervous about posting.

Try not to punish yourself for what you can't help. Someone with brain problems who blames themselves for not being able to socialize well enough is like someone with polio blaming themselves for not being able to run well enough.

well said!

 

[MikeyC]

You mention this friend "throwing" social people at you, and him finding you "hilarious" by wrecking social situations. He doesn't sound like a nice person from what you've written, although I'm sure there's more to that story.

When you're dismissing acceptance, it's more of how you view yourself than anything else - like you don't believe you deserve being accepted because of your perceptions of yourself. I'm positive people like you no matter how you act.

Not everyone here is successful and educated. Not even extroverts are like that. We're all at different education levels here, and nobody judges anyone. That's how it should be outside this forum, too.

 

[Kiwong]

Yes, I have issues even when people show kindness and acceptance. I fear my anxiety will push them away, they'll discover the real me, and I will lose that kindness.

 

[ChrisBcrusty]

Really? Maybe you haven't read enough posts yet.

This stuff has done serious damage to a lot of people's lives on here, including mine. I doubt you're just being a baby or lazy.

Depression and suicidal thoughts are par for the course around here. So is being nervous about posting.

Try not to punish yourself for what you can't help. Someone with brain problems who blames themselves for not being able to socialize well enough is like someone with polio blaming themselves for not being able to run well enough.

Thanks a lot man. Excuse my negativity, I was having a down moment when I wrote this and your right I should have looked around a bit more. :thumbup:

 

[ChrisBcrusty]

Hi, you sound just like me. I had a ton of friends who liked me but I found myself pulling away because socializing became overstimulating. How sad! I know exactly how you feel. I pushed myself to socialize to the point where I had a nervous breakdown and now, after nearly 2 years I am finally able to talk to some of them again. Of course I realize it will never be the same again and I know they still don't understand... it rips your life apart, especially when what we really need is support! Don't feel alone.
SA is also greatly effecting my life. I barely leave the house at all. I don't like to talk on the phone, and don't trust anyone. It's a hard way to be.
Honestly, I feel better socializing on here with strangers than with people I know. Unlike most with SA I don't like going out- not because of fear of strangers, but because I'm afraid I will have to talk to someone I might know (or have to talk to someone period.)
Don't beat yourself up. I am new here, but maybe you are posting in the wrong places? Keep trying, don't give up. I really believe there is hope for people like us. Peace to you.

Thanks for sharing. We do sound very similar. Been a bit of a downer lately excuse my negativity. I am here to help as much as I need help. This is actually the first time I have ever talked to anyone like me, I live in a small redneck town. Peace be with you too

 

[ChrisBcrusty]

You mention this friend "throwing" social people at you, and him finding you "hilarious" by wrecking social situations. He doesn't sound like a nice person from what you've written, although I'm sure there's more to that story.

When you're dismissing acceptance, it's more of how you view yourself than anything else - like you don't believe you deserve being accepted because of your perceptions of yourself. I'm positive people like you no matter how you act.

Not everyone here is successful and educated. Not even extroverts are like that. We're all at different education levels here, and nobody judges anyone. That's how it should be outside this forum, too.

I know what you mean I have dealt with people like that also, but yeah no he is a really good dude. Your right. I feel like I could never judge anyone, but then I realize I judge in every social situation as a defense. I will decide right away without getting to know you if your a nice person or not and if I can be myself around someone like you. And then there is the times when you would rather not give someone the time of day and be rude rather than act nervous. That is definitely the worst. Anyway thanks, I agree I am here to help as much as I need help. Just not that understanding of this all yet.

 

[ChrisBcrusty]

Yes, I have issues even when people show kindness and acceptance. I fear my anxiety will push them away, they'll discover the real me, and I will lose that kindness.

That is EXACTLY how I feel. I remember when I was younger I would have breaks in my anxiety and I would actually make some friends. Even like more popular people I thought would never like me. It seems the more they they start to like me the more nervous I get. Like if this cool dude invites me to a party I would be terrified, say yes, and then not show up. I have never met someone that can relate so much. Thank you. I feel ya bro and feel free to message me anytime.

 

[EasySkanking]

Fix this before it gets worse. It does not fix itself and time does not heal it... Start now, search for what can fix it. You'll fail a lot and it will change your life a lot (relationships may change, you'll make costly mistakes) but if you don't give up, in the end you'll succeed. That's life.

Find out what fixes social anxiety and try it - don't run away from it (that's the best advice I can give.)

Lack of friends is not your problem, your problem is Social Anxiety.

Here, try this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iGk87bug2s

 

[ChrisBcrusty]

Fix this before it gets worse. It does not fix itself and time does not heal it... Start now, search for what can fix it. You'll fail a lot and it will change your life a lot (relationships may change, you'll make costly mistakes) but if you don't give up, in the end you'll succeed. That's life.

Find out what fixes social anxiety and try it - don't run away from it (that's the best advice I can give.)

Lack of friends is not your problem, your problem is Social Anxiety.

Here, try this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iGk87bug2s

I agree, it just feels like because I am so anxious in every social situation.. I am doomed to fail everytime. I guess your right though I will get used to It and just not care eventually. I have read up a lot on it, but that looks like a very helpful video, I will check it out. Thanks a lot man.

 

[EasySkanking]

Yes, social anxiety is a combination of a lot of phobias. When you face a "phobia", you find out that it's really not that bad, and you become less afraid of it. Facing a fear means feeling the nervousness and doing what you want to do anyway, like making eye contact, smiling, saying hi, talking to someone. You can also "face a fear" a different way that's not effective at all - supressing the nervousness while doing what you want to do. The trick is to be scared and do the thing you want to do anyway, not supress the fear and force yourself through it. Like I said, you have to try a lot of things to get it right.

You might even need to distance yourself from family members if they contribute to your Social Anxiety or low self-esteem. It's not easy. Good luck!

And no problem

 

[ChrisBcrusty]

That makes a lot of sense. I believe I have accomplished this before unintentionally. It doesn't last long if you let it surprise you and don't know what the !@#$ you did to just let go. Sounds like you made it over the mountain my friend. Peace be with you.

 

[EasySkanking]

Not quite, but I'm getting there. Yes, it doesn't last, but the trick is to keep doing it till you get used to it. In theory, it should work. Like I said, this is just one of the ways to do it, there are others and you have to find the ones that work for you I use more of a method that entails dealing with past issues and this one has been the most effective for me. (But facing my fears has worked well as well)