Is it just me?

[Aletheia]

(I broke up with her because I felt that she deserved far more than I could offer)

Oh God, I do this.

I didn't want to lower myself to their level and I refused to think of her in any way sexually after that.

No one wants to be thought of as (purely) a sex object, and it is degrading.

But as you said, you see her as beautiful inside and out. You differ from those other boys not because you don't like her breasts, but because you see her as beautiful breasts and so much more.

 

[Pookah]

The problem here is the thinking that sex is some depraved act when really for many it is an intimate bonding experience. You are making someone you care about feel good. The different ways to do it just increase their/your pleasure.

I think we need to remember that the opposite sex are people too, they aren't some alien species. It just might seem that way because of differing gender roles and behaviors.

 

[Aletheia]

for many it is an intimate bonding experience

Sex for me is an expression of the love I feel for my lover, and the act itself deepens my love for him.

I want to be so close to him, I mingle my flesh with his.

 

[Aletheia]

they aren't some alien species

This is why I'm wary of single-sex schools.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

The problem here is the thinking that sex is some depraved act when really for many it is an intimate bonding experience.

Can't it be both?

 

[Pookah]

Can't it be both?

If the people are both into that. Sometimes prolly.

 

[coyote]

The problem here is the thinking that sex is some depraved act when really for many it is an intimate bonding experience. You are making someone you care about feel good. The different ways to do it just increase their/your pleasure.

I think we need to remember that the opposite sex are people too, they aren't some alien species. It just might seem that way because of differing gender roles and behaviors.

Sex for me is an expression of the love I feel for my lover, and the act itself deepens my love for him.

I want to be so close to him, I mingle my flesh with his.

exactly - it's an expression of love and caring - or at least affection and personal connection

it's not something dirty or sinful or degrading or disrespectful

UNLESS - you have been taught to think that it is

which seems to be the core issue here, unfortunately

 

[Etbow23]

The problem here is the thinking that sex is some depraved act when really for many it is an intimate bonding experience. You are making someone you care about feel good. The different ways to do it just increase their/your pleasure.

I think we need to remember that the opposite sex are people too, they aren't some alien species. It just might seem that way because of differing gender roles and behaviors.

very good post

 

[antihistamine]

The problem here is the thinking that sex is some depraved act when really for many it is an intimate bonding experience. You are making someone you care about feel good. The different ways to do it just increase their/your pleasure.

I think we need to remember that the opposite sex are people too, they aren't some alien species. It just might seem that way because of differing gender roles and behaviors.

Are you sure about that? I'm not convinced yet.

 

[MikeyC]

it's not something dirty or sinful or degrading or disrespectful

UNLESS - you have been taught to think that it is

This is why I worry about 12-14 year old boys and girls watching pornography these days. It's so depraved and when they finally reach an age where they'll want to have sex, they'll think that's how it is. I guarantee the girls are the ones that will suffer.

 

[Aletheia]

^ I think it's sad because porn depersonalizes sex.

I'm not sure that kids get the chance to learn that it's something that can be about each other.

 

[MikeyC]

True. I hope I'm wrong.

 

[emre43]

Can I just make clear that I don't find sex disrespectful at all. But, in my head I want to appreciate women for who they are as people more than I do for what they can offer me sexually. I would like to have sex with her but when not engaging in a sexual activity I want my thoughts to be purely about her as a person. I realise that I am probably some kind of freak for this but there you go...

 

[MikeyC]

Can I just make clear that I don't find sex disrespectful at all. But, in my head I want to appreciate women for who they are as people more than I do for what they can offer me sexually. I would like to have sex with her but when not engaging in a sexual activity I want my thoughts to be purely about her as a person. I realise that I am probably some kind of freak for this but there you go...

Hormones should take over when having sex. But there's still nothing wrong with enjoying a girls' company and personality and having thoughts of sex again. Spontaneity can be good!

 

[emre43]

Hormones should take over when having sex. But there's still nothing wrong with enjoying a girls' company and personality and having thoughts of sex again. Spontaneity can be good!

That's the thing though. I have worked myself up into such a state hat I no longer have that desire, or even sexual thoughts at any time.

 

[MikeyC]

That's the thing though. I have worked myself up into such a state hat I no longer have that desire, or even sexual thoughts at any time.

I understand what you mean. I don't have what you're describing specifically but the anxiety I feel when intimacy occurs is similar. I don't have any advice, sorry, but hopefully you can push through that somehow.

 

[emre43]

Sex isn't discussed in my family in any way. My dad never even gave me that talk which every boy is supposed to receive. Because of the way I am I rarely went out and had little-to-no communication with girls.

I'm going to sound like a retarded moron now but the only message I received on what girls want is that cliche thing that television does where whilst a guy and girl are speaking with one another the guy is staring at the girl's cleavage and she asks him to look her in the face. I know it's silly but that kind of thing is the only message I seemed to get on what women want from men; they don't want men to think sexually of them.

 

[Pookah]

I know it's silly but that kind of thing is the only message I seemed to get on what women want from men; they don't want men to think sexually of them.

If a woman is interested in you sexually then yes she does want you to think of her sexually. She also wants your respect at the same time. They aren't mutually exclusive.

 

[coyote]

....they don't want men to think sexually of them.

i hope that by reading the comments from actual, real-life women here you are beginning to see that perhaps that may not be true

of course, there is an appropriate time and place for everything

 

[emre43]

Sex is intimacy. Both parties need it. If you don't give her sex after a while, she will leave just as a man would.

I don't think I would leave her if this was the case. I know that it's not a very manly thing to say but I find my feelings to be more important than sex (not that I would turn it down).