I'm not a good person

[Janeypod]

I feel so lost and confused. I find it more and more difficult to make friends the older I get. I feel I'm slowly but surely cutting all ties with the world...I would love to have friends but when I'm among people they drain me...I feel they don't like me or think I'm weird and I just want to escape and be on my own. What is wrong with me? I really do think I give people the creeps. I can't even hold a conversation.:sad: I don't even know what I want anymore.

 

[Meggy0001]

This is me. Being around people tires me out and just sucks happiness out of me. I am always made to feel rubbish about myself with the constant remarks of you should speak more, why you so quite?, do you ever speak? its not that hard and blah. They mean well and think they are helping but it makes me feel horrible and not want to be round them again and affects me when I am around different set of people

However, never think there is something wrong with you because there isn't you just need to find people that will understand you and it makes it easier for you. Yup they are so difficult to find but they are around. I hadn't made a friend in over 9 years and I made two these past months and I now have 3 in total :/. Not the most but it happened. I am comfortable with them which I thought would never happen. Please never think anything is wrong with you

 

[Diend]

I take antianxiety and antidepressants and try to use ambien and try to get my vitamins.

 

[dannyboy65]

I have the same feeling growing up with autism I couldn't hold any kind of relationship. I was bullied my whole life and now today I'm pretty much a nobody. I'll probably never be anybody but I am thankful for my family, life coach and best friend. But above all that other then them I am an outcast. Try to find a hobby though like mine is comic books and video games so I sort of have friends that like the same stuff and since we like the same stuff we build a friendship.

 

[Ree]

There's nothing wrong with you, just a hurdle that you're up against right now. I've been through it myself ._. and it sucks and feels like the worse thing ever, and like it's something that will never be cured, but the only thing I've found to have helped heal it over time was self loving, by daily saying positive affirmations to myself in the mirror, thinking positively instead of negatively(this is hard to get used to lol), doing more things that I loved and felt happy doing(one of them is watching a couple of my favourite youtubers, they make me laugh and feel better about people and life in general), listening to online hypnosis(Which really does work! ), and slowly building up social life, like it could be by simply saying 'hi, how are you?" to someone online, or building up conversation little by little with a family member, etc. The best thing to do while doing this, is to try your best not to worry whether you are good at conversations or not, or whether you're good enough or not, as long as you're building up the blocks, and doing your best to stay positive. It's slow, but you will get there I'm still in the process of building up conversation, talking to strangers, thinking more positively in everything... So lets do it together! XD

 

[DepravedFurball]

Just remember that you feel exhausted because you're simply trying too hard. Keeping up appearances is probably the most-difficult thing that you'll have to do, and all because you don't want others to see you in a less-than-perfect light...

Make some friends from here. Ones that are similar to yourself, and you might find that it's so much easier to deal with them simply because you know of all their flaws, and they your own. You'll then find yourself 'acting' less, and relaxing more...

Just take things slow. Adjust in increments, and always keep moving forward. You'll get to where you want to be in good time.

 

[Lilly789]

I feel so lost and confused. I find it more and more difficult to make friends the older I get. I feel I'm slowly but surely cutting all ties with the world...I would love to have friends but when I'm among people they drain me...I feel they don't like me or think I'm weird and I just want to escape and be on my own. What is wrong with me? I really do think I give people the creeps. I can't even hold a conversation.:sad: I don't even know what I want anymore.

I feel EXACTLY the same. the difference is, it doesnt bother me as much because I dont feel a need to have friends or fit in.

 

[Manoffewwords]

I'm too the same but being lonely is also equally hurts.

 

[andsorry]

I feel so lost and confused. I find it more and more difficult to make friends the older I get. I feel I'm slowly but surely cutting all ties with the world...I would love to have friends but when I'm among people they drain me...I feel they don't like me or think I'm weird and I just want to escape and be on my own. What is wrong with me? I really do think I give people the creeps. I can't even hold a conversation.:sad: I don't even know what I want anymore.

I felt this exact same way at my friend's graduation, with the exception of overly sweaty palms on people's smart phone. However, I read somewhere that people are too obsessed with their own self image to notice others.

 

[Janeypod]

Thank you to everyone who replied...I don't get on here much so sorry if I take time to answer or accept any friend requests. Depraved Furball, yes it is exhausting and you hit the nail on the head with your comments. I'm terrified of offending people so I just seem to find it hard work being in company. My partner is the total opposite to me...he's outgoing and friendly and really dosen't worry too much about what people think of him. Maybe it all goes back to being bullied at school and, in the past at work too.

 

[LimitX]

Baby steps. That's how I did it. Take baby steps. When you find someone who does not mind you the way you are, stick around them some more then go with them to hang out in smaller groups of two or three then move on from there. Celebrate each little victory along the way.

 

[Janeypod]

It's getting worse tho. I've lost what friends I had and it's my fault. I felt I had nothing to say to them anymore.:sad:

 

[LimitX]

Why do you say it is your fault that your lost friends?

 

[Janeypod]

Why do you say it is your fault that your lost friends?

I didn't keep in touch with them. I felt I had nothing to say. I really only had one good friend since being at school and she left the country when her husband found work abroad. We would meet once a year when she came over to see her family but eventually it got to where we hardly had anything to say to eachother. Her life was full and interesting. Mine wasn't. I felt embarrassed and awkward in her company because I just had nothing to say. The same thing happened with a friend I used to work with. They've done nothing wrong.

 

[LimitX]

I didn't keep in touch with them. I felt I had nothing to say. I really only had one good friend since being at school and she left the country when her husband found work abroad. We would meet once a year when she came over to see her family but eventually it got to where we hardly had anything to say to eachother. Her life was full and interesting. Mine wasn't. I felt embarrassed and awkward in her company because I just had nothing to say. The same thing happened with a friend I used to work with. They've done nothing wrong.

Here is the one thing I know: SA can be beat but you will have to believe it can. Just think about it, here you are carrying out this conversation on this forum. It proves to me that you have something to say to the world. Take it from there by noting at least one person who believes in you! They are out there, I know. You can do it.

 

[IGotSeoul]

I feel so lost and confused. I find it more and more difficult to make friends the older I get. I feel I'm slowly but surely cutting all ties with the world...I would love to have friends but when I'm among people they drain me...I feel they don't like me or think I'm weird and I just want to escape and be on my own. What is wrong with me? I really do think I give people the creeps. I can't even hold a conversation.:sad: I don't even know what I want anymore.

none of which you described makes you a bad person at all. keep positive and drive your goals.

 

[Quietguy11]

I feel so lost and confused. I find it more and more difficult to make friends the older I get. I feel I'm slowly but surely cutting all ties with the world...I would love to have friends but when I'm among people they drain me...I feel they don't like me or think I'm weird and I just want to escape and be on my own. What is wrong with me? I really do think I give people the creeps. I can't even hold a conversation.:sad: I don't even know what I want anymore.

Hi Janey, I was in the same situation as you up until last year. Believe it or not a lot of it has to do with a tired brain. The brain is a muscle that NEEDS to be exercised before it can work to its fullest potential. Unless the brain is receiving a healthy does of information (the brain eats and processes information like food) it is impossible for it to feel stimulated and active. Find a hobby that involves reading and digesting information. At first you may find that it is hard to follow stories in books, move plots, or manga/comic story lines but as you continue reading regardless to how much you understand or intake of it (and I'm not calling you slow or anything by saying this, I am speaking from my own experiences) you will start noticing changes in your comprehensive abilities. What helped me was making YouTube videos, reading manga, and watching anime in Japanese with English Subtitles. The amount of information I take in daily has sped up my brain and has made me overall quicker which in turn gave me the ability to hold up conversations easier and feel overall connected with people (except I am still having a bit of trouble in group settings, but it's easier than it once was.) I'm not saying that brain stimulation is the complete answer but once you find something that you enjoy and become really knowledgeable about it should in turn give you something to discuss when you're out with friends and give you a boost in your confidence and self-esteem.

 

[Earthcircle]

This fits my own experience so much that when I saw the title of the thread, I wondered if it was one of my old threads revived.

 

[Janeypod]

Hi Janey, I was in the same situation as you up until last year. Believe it or not a lot of it has to do with a tired brain. The brain is a muscle that NEEDS to be exercised before it can work to its fullest potential. Unless the brain is receiving a healthy does of information (the brain eats and processes information like food) it is impossible for it to feel stimulated and active. Find a hobby that involves reading and digesting information. At first you may find that it is hard to follow stories in books, move plots, or manga/comic story lines but as you continue reading regardless to how much you understand or intake of it (and I'm not calling you slow or anything by saying this, I am speaking from my own experiences) you will start noticing changes in your comprehensive abilities. What helped me was making YouTube videos, reading manga, and watching anime in Japanese with English Subtitles. The amount of information I take in daily has sped up my brain and has made me overall quicker which in turn gave me the ability to hold up conversations easier and feel overall connected with people (except I am still having a bit of trouble in group settings, but it's easier than it once was.) I'm not saying that brain stimulation is the complete answer but once you find something that you enjoy and become really knowledgeable about it should in turn give you something to discuss when you're out with friends and give you a boost in your confidence and self-esteem.

Hi there! Oh I read loads, i love my sci-fi and horror :bigsmile: and I have plenty of interests. I have 9 pet rats which I adore and take up a lot of my time.... I'm just rubbish with people I suppose!

 

[Janeypod]

There's nothing wrong with you, just a hurdle that you're up against right now. I've been through it myself ._. and it sucks and feels like the worse thing ever, and like it's something that will never be cured, but the only thing I've found to have helped heal it over time was self loving, by daily saying positive affirmations to myself in the mirror, thinking positively instead of negatively(this is hard to get used to lol), doing more things that I loved and felt happy doing(one of them is watching a couple of my favourite youtubers, they make me laugh and feel better about people and life in general), listening to online hypnosis(Which really does work! ), and slowly building up social life, like it could be by simply saying 'hi, how are you?" to someone online, or building up conversation little by little with a family member, etc. The best thing to do while doing this, is to try your best not to worry whether you are good at conversations or not, or whether you're good enough or not, as long as you're building up the blocks, and doing your best to stay positive. It's slow, but you will get there I'm still in the process of building up conversation, talking to strangers, thinking more positively in everything... So lets do it together! XD

Thank you .