Quietguy11
Well-known member
I came to the realization tonight that I am never going to live a normal social life. I have put so much effort into developing social skills, went to a psych doctor, tried out various medications, put myself "out there" despite how I feel, but in the end I find myself no more improved than I was when I first set out. Not to sound negative or anything, but I always thought that if you worked toward something, no matter what it is, you gradually got better and better at it, and it got easier and easier the more effort you put in. But I've been working toward breaking out of this shell of mine of what seems like forever now, and still, when I go out to "mingle" with friends, I can't bring myself to say anything at all. I honestly don't know why my friends even bother with me. Sometimes I wonder if they just feel really sorry for me, and don't want to crush my self-esteem any more than it already is. I just wish I had a normal social life, and I know you guys can relate in your own way to this, and I know it's kind of selfish to want something so badly, but like my personality can change. I am trying to work on acceptance, but it is so hard to accept what I have become. Not to bring the mood down tonight everyone, but I'm just really out of touch tonight.