I'll never live a normal social life.

[Quietguy11]

I came to the realization tonight that I am never going to live a normal social life. I have put so much effort into developing social skills, went to a psych doctor, tried out various medications, put myself "out there" despite how I feel, but in the end I find myself no more improved than I was when I first set out. Not to sound negative or anything, but I always thought that if you worked toward something, no matter what it is, you gradually got better and better at it, and it got easier and easier the more effort you put in. But I've been working toward breaking out of this shell of mine of what seems like forever now, and still, when I go out to "mingle" with friends, I can't bring myself to say anything at all. I honestly don't know why my friends even bother with me. Sometimes I wonder if they just feel really sorry for me, and don't want to crush my self-esteem any more than it already is. I just wish I had a normal social life, and I know you guys can relate in your own way to this, and I know it's kind of selfish to want something so badly, but like my personality can change. I am trying to work on acceptance, but it is so hard to accept what I have become. Not to bring the mood down tonight everyone, but I'm just really out of touch tonight.

 

[Kiwong]

I wish you well with your desire for a normal social life. A normal life in my opinion is overrated. I live the best way I can within my window of limitation. Sometimes if you work at something it can turn into something better and different to outcome you originally expected. I am glad for the life I have, even though it is far from normal.

 

[Ithior]

I honestly don't know why my friends even bother with me. Sometimes I wonder if they just feel really sorry for me, and don't want to crush my self-esteem any more than it already is.

I don't know if my friends bother with me because of my sister (she's part of this group of friends too, though we get along better with different people), because I'm actually smart and intelligent and thus the sort of person you'd want to keep around for a future profit, or because they actually enjoy my company.
To be fair, I've been pending more towards that last reason lately.

 

[MikeyC]

I honestly don't know why my friends even bother with me. Sometimes I wonder if they just feel really sorry for me, and don't want to crush my self-esteem any more than it already is.

So you do have friends. Why do you think they're only around because they feel sorry for you? I doubt that's actually why, rather than something you've produced in your head due to how little worth you think you have. Perhaps they truly do enjoy your company, but you're misconstruing that as them having pity.

 

[TreeBones]

I don't know yet if I believe that we can go back to being 100% completely "normal", but please don't get discouraged! I don't think your friends feel sorry for you either, have you ever thought maybe they like you no matter what? even if you're quiet? ( some people like others who don't say much) I'm sure things will get better, in time.

 

[Quietguy11]

Maybe I'm delusional or something. It just seems from my end of the spectrum that I am ruining a lot of potential fun because I'm not stimulated in anyway to say much the whole time I'm out. My friends are all extroverts and I'm the only introvert, so you can imagine just how out of place I feel. My friends have learned to accept me for who I am, but I have a hard time accepting myself for this. It was different when I was younger, I actually loved my personality, now I view it as a chemical imbalance of some kind that is unfit for measuring up to the friends that I have. But I agree with what you guys said, they wouldn't hang out with me out of pity, I would think not, and it will get better eventually.

 

[Quietguy11]

Well just want to say that I'm over it now, I saw a really funny scene in an anime that cracked me up and it just brightened up my mood. Sorry for showing a little bit of weakness there. I am usually more self-composed, but found that it was just a really awful day today. I'm over it now. Thanks for your support guys.