R3K
Well-known member
so i don't walk around with the most pleasant expression all day and night, as you can prob tell by my avatar photo XD. and being 3 am didn't help the matter much anyway. i thought i was on track with things since i remembered it was street-sweeping in the morning and i was parked in the way. so i think to myself, i'll go repark and get a bite to eat at jack in the box while i'm at it, and avoid getting another damn parking ticket.
barely made it out of my street when a police car pulls up next to me, shining their door-mounted spotlight thing right in my face. so i pull over into a parking lot and sit there, praying that my registration and insurance cards are in the little island thing, and that they were up-to-date. anxiety is building like crazy cause i'm afraid my voice will break and they'll think i'm on drugs. on-and-off mind blanks, you know the social phobia works... i'm freakin out and they haven't even walked up to my window yet.
so they finally come up and the officer to my left, a male, says how's it going, blah blah, a couple things, you rolled a stop sign, and your tail light is out (which i'm doubtful of.) and so he asks what i'm doing right now. i tell him i'm going to get a bite to eat at jack in the box and reparking cause of streetsweeping in the morning. the whole time i'm worried about where my hands are positioned and my posture and all kinds of **** XD. my voice comes out clearly and i don't stutter, but my tone was kind of breaking at the end of each sentence and i felt super weak and that my nervousness was really evident.
then he starts with the interrogation, asking me if i do drugs, firstly. this isn't surprising since i look like a drug user day by day. i tell him no, he says you don't take any drugs at all? i says only what my doctor prescribes me, and that's zoloft for my social anxiety disorder. (it's actually citalophram, which is similar, but i semi-blanked and said zoloft.) he seemed to repeat the same question over and over, just rephrazed, and i finally told him that i was actually straight edge my whole life up until 27 when i started drinking a little. he tells me to look at his nose and shines a little pen-sized flashlight back and forth into my eyes. then he asks if i have any weapons, and i said no, only my little pocket knife. he asks me if i've been arrested before, and i says no never in my life.
he takes my liscense and my (something, i'm not even sure what i gave him, maybe my registration) and says alright hang tight. i said "thanks" for some reason, then felt dumb about it and had another spike of anxiety. they were behind me at their cruiser running my info and i'm battling my fluctuant anxiety. if i get a ticket i'm screwed financially. and what if they take me to the station and drug test me? even being clean and sober, this is friggin torture for a social phobic.
the female officer comes back and says in a soft voice, you'll probly just get a warning after he runs your liscense. this does nothing for me though, because what if he decides to arrest me because i look like a nervous drug addict who's trying to hide something? at this point i was losing my poise and i looked at her and saw that pity-inspired look in her eyes. like she knew i was super timid. this was kinda the worst part of the whole ordeal - you know that moment, when someone decides you're a super shy, timid social wreck chunk/peice, and they change their behavior around you as if you were their best friend's mentally handicapped brother/sister? she walks back to the cruiser behind me.
then they both come back up to my window for part two of the interrogation. the male officer asking me, with more emphasis this time, if i was sure i've never been arrested. i said no, not in my whole life. ...
ugg, it's getting late/early, i'll finish this story in the morning XD
barely made it out of my street when a police car pulls up next to me, shining their door-mounted spotlight thing right in my face. so i pull over into a parking lot and sit there, praying that my registration and insurance cards are in the little island thing, and that they were up-to-date. anxiety is building like crazy cause i'm afraid my voice will break and they'll think i'm on drugs. on-and-off mind blanks, you know the social phobia works... i'm freakin out and they haven't even walked up to my window yet.
so they finally come up and the officer to my left, a male, says how's it going, blah blah, a couple things, you rolled a stop sign, and your tail light is out (which i'm doubtful of.) and so he asks what i'm doing right now. i tell him i'm going to get a bite to eat at jack in the box and reparking cause of streetsweeping in the morning. the whole time i'm worried about where my hands are positioned and my posture and all kinds of **** XD. my voice comes out clearly and i don't stutter, but my tone was kind of breaking at the end of each sentence and i felt super weak and that my nervousness was really evident.
then he starts with the interrogation, asking me if i do drugs, firstly. this isn't surprising since i look like a drug user day by day. i tell him no, he says you don't take any drugs at all? i says only what my doctor prescribes me, and that's zoloft for my social anxiety disorder. (it's actually citalophram, which is similar, but i semi-blanked and said zoloft.) he seemed to repeat the same question over and over, just rephrazed, and i finally told him that i was actually straight edge my whole life up until 27 when i started drinking a little. he tells me to look at his nose and shines a little pen-sized flashlight back and forth into my eyes. then he asks if i have any weapons, and i said no, only my little pocket knife. he asks me if i've been arrested before, and i says no never in my life.
he takes my liscense and my (something, i'm not even sure what i gave him, maybe my registration) and says alright hang tight. i said "thanks" for some reason, then felt dumb about it and had another spike of anxiety. they were behind me at their cruiser running my info and i'm battling my fluctuant anxiety. if i get a ticket i'm screwed financially. and what if they take me to the station and drug test me? even being clean and sober, this is friggin torture for a social phobic.
the female officer comes back and says in a soft voice, you'll probly just get a warning after he runs your liscense. this does nothing for me though, because what if he decides to arrest me because i look like a nervous drug addict who's trying to hide something? at this point i was losing my poise and i looked at her and saw that pity-inspired look in her eyes. like she knew i was super timid. this was kinda the worst part of the whole ordeal - you know that moment, when someone decides you're a super shy, timid social wreck chunk/peice, and they change their behavior around you as if you were their best friend's mentally handicapped brother/sister? she walks back to the cruiser behind me.
then they both come back up to my window for part two of the interrogation. the male officer asking me, with more emphasis this time, if i was sure i've never been arrested. i said no, not in my whole life. ...
ugg, it's getting late/early, i'll finish this story in the morning XD