I Think My SA Just Saved Me From Getting a Ticket... or Worse

[R3K]

so i don't walk around with the most pleasant expression all day and night, as you can prob tell by my avatar photo XD. and being 3 am didn't help the matter much anyway. i thought i was on track with things since i remembered it was street-sweeping in the morning and i was parked in the way. so i think to myself, i'll go repark and get a bite to eat at jack in the box while i'm at it, and avoid getting another damn parking ticket.

barely made it out of my street when a police car pulls up next to me, shining their door-mounted spotlight thing right in my face. so i pull over into a parking lot and sit there, praying that my registration and insurance cards are in the little island thing, and that they were up-to-date. anxiety is building like crazy cause i'm afraid my voice will break and they'll think i'm on drugs. on-and-off mind blanks, you know the social phobia works... i'm freakin out and they haven't even walked up to my window yet.

so they finally come up and the officer to my left, a male, says how's it going, blah blah, a couple things, you rolled a stop sign, and your tail light is out (which i'm doubtful of.) and so he asks what i'm doing right now. i tell him i'm going to get a bite to eat at jack in the box and reparking cause of streetsweeping in the morning. the whole time i'm worried about where my hands are positioned and my posture and all kinds of **** XD. my voice comes out clearly and i don't stutter, but my tone was kind of breaking at the end of each sentence and i felt super weak and that my nervousness was really evident.

then he starts with the interrogation, asking me if i do drugs, firstly. this isn't surprising since i look like a drug user day by day. i tell him no, he says you don't take any drugs at all? i says only what my doctor prescribes me, and that's zoloft for my social anxiety disorder. (it's actually citalophram, which is similar, but i semi-blanked and said zoloft.) he seemed to repeat the same question over and over, just rephrazed, and i finally told him that i was actually straight edge my whole life up until 27 when i started drinking a little. he tells me to look at his nose and shines a little pen-sized flashlight back and forth into my eyes. then he asks if i have any weapons, and i said no, only my little pocket knife. he asks me if i've been arrested before, and i says no never in my life.

he takes my liscense and my (something, i'm not even sure what i gave him, maybe my registration) and says alright hang tight. i said "thanks" for some reason, then felt dumb about it and had another spike of anxiety. they were behind me at their cruiser running my info and i'm battling my fluctuant anxiety. if i get a ticket i'm screwed financially. and what if they take me to the station and drug test me? even being clean and sober, this is friggin torture for a social phobic.

the female officer comes back and says in a soft voice, you'll probly just get a warning after he runs your liscense. this does nothing for me though, because what if he decides to arrest me because i look like a nervous drug addict who's trying to hide something? at this point i was losing my poise and i looked at her and saw that pity-inspired look in her eyes. like she knew i was super timid. this was kinda the worst part of the whole ordeal - you know that moment, when someone decides you're a super shy, timid social wreck chunk/peice, and they change their behavior around you as if you were their best friend's mentally handicapped brother/sister? she walks back to the cruiser behind me.
then they both come back up to my window for part two of the interrogation. the male officer asking me, with more emphasis this time, if i was sure i've never been arrested. i said no, not in my whole life. ...

ugg, it's getting late/early, i'll finish this story in the morning XD

 

[R3K]

[finally getting around to wrapping this story of that horrible experience up... for those who care to read it :/]

basically the guy officer continues with the constant question asking (repeating questions like 5 times each,) then they both go back to the cruiser again, and this time the female cop is walking up to my car by herself, and i hear the male cop laughing and saying something to her, then she says while laughing "don't worry, i'll be nice to him,"

which tells me he was making fun of me back there. then she goes into that pitying expression/tone, hands me my liscenes and stuff back and says in a weak voice "enjoy your snack at jack'n the box."

so obviously i'm feeling very uncomfortable and embarassed, added to which i have to make a series of U-turns right in front of them now to get to jack'n the box. which i don't even want to go to now, but i have to because i told them that's where i was headed, and if i didn't go through with my plan they'd see me driving off the other direction and think i was even more of a loser.

i haven't had a serious anxiety attack like that in nearly a year... definately not fun

 

[Kiwong]

Good on you for posting, that's a really honest description of what if must be like to pulled over. I reckon cops like that should be reported for laughing at you. Ignorant.

 

[sahxox]

this story I feel encapsulates the very essence of the social anxiety experience.
It is completely ****ed and makes you feel like you're stuffing up, then extra conscious of other people's responses to your behaviour, which continues the downing spiral.
One positive thing I saw was the fact you said that you haven't had an attack like this for about a year.
Every social encounter used to be exactly as you described for me.
If I ever have a random shitty thing like this happen again, I've learnt to somehow use that as a positive - measure to see how far I've come, how these attacks are scarce, not constant.
It damnwell hurts your pride and any level of confidence but I'd be taking whatever solace I could from the fact that a) it doesn't happen very often anymore and b) you'll never see those pigs again

 

[laure15]

It's good you didn't get a ticket. I think police respond positively to 2 types of behavior:

1) Sweet talking
2) Crying

I know a teacher who wiggled out of speeding tickets by crying, twice. Police want to feel like they're in power, so people who show vulnerability make their job easier.

 

[R3K]

One positive thing I saw was the fact you said that you haven't had an attack like this for about a year.

ya it was a pretty major anxiety attack that took days to seep out of my system. i still get all kinds of minor anxiety attacks all the time, but having a major one creep up on me out of nowhere just sucked.

i really hate using the social anxiety disorder excuse to save my *** from things. part of treating/dealing with it is not thinking about it xD. it's a lose-lose situation sometimes. can't live with it, can't live without it.

and the female cop was actually pretty nice the whole time, just seemed like she was reacting to the male cop who was gunning to nab a druggie at any cost it seemed.

@laurie15: sweet talking takes acting skills which i don't have xD, and the crying thing only works for women =p

 

[sahxox]

i really hate using the social anxiety disorder excuse to save my *** from things. part of treating/dealing with it is not thinking about it xD. it's a lose-lose situation sometimes. can't live with it, can't live without it.


Exactly, which can feel impossible sometimes but atleast we know that - took me years... but now I can catch myself dwelling on my social anxiety and actually stop. It's only as powerful as you make it. Though sometimes we need a rest from fighting, this is when we're vulnerable to these major attacks.
It's just a good thing it's only SOMETIMES, not 24/7 like the past