I think I make people feel unimportant

TreeBones

Well-known member
For example, I recently moved back to the town I use to live in and see old friends from kindergarten and up, they will approach me and ask me what my phone number is and that we need to hangout and I tell them I don't have a phone but that I can call them with someone else's (which isn't a lie now because I threw away my phone, but was before). When I started my new school I saw a girl there I use to know and have sleep overs with, and she asked me to come sit by her, which I didn't of course, in fact on the first day of school I was the first one there and everyone came to sit by me and tried to talk to me but for the most part I just ignored them and went back to studying, the next day I sat in a different room far away which is now my permanent spot.

Just last night a couple of old guy friends that I grew up with (whom became just my brothers friends because I guess when you start growing boobs and stuff, gender becomes apparent and you can't be friends with boys anymore) came to visit my brother. They came to talk to me but I cut things short as possible and went back to baking my pumpkin bread (and that's not because they caught me yelling and dancing in the kitchen while baking, or the awkward fact that I know one of them likes me or the biggest awkward fact that our other friend died in a car accident too long ago) I haven't talked to them since the funeral. I just avoid avoid avoid!

I often think if I was the person on the other side that I would feel unimportant. Who sees an old friend and acts like they are nothing? I'd think things like why didn't she call me? why didn't she sit by me? does she think I'm annoying? does this person not like me or not want to hang out with me? or that the person is just a big stuck up ****, things like that.

I'm sorry for this being so long and unnecessarily detailed, I'm one of those people that just type whatever goes through my head.
 
Last edited:

jaim38

Well-known member
I've never thought of it this way. I avoid people a lot, but I never thought I made them feel unimportant. Rather, I think they're better off without getting me involved in their lives because I'm not important to them. So in my mind, it's the other way around.

I used to be best buds with old friends but not anymore. I think they've moved on beyond me. I hear them say things about how happy they are with their new lives, I see them having fun with their new friends on FB, and I think to myself, "they obviously don't need me around."
 
Well um.......I don't know what to tell you other the that maybe you should say hi to them or something. Why are you avoiding them anyways? Something change?
 

hardy

Well-known member
wishing strength to you. You are not alone in this fight. Lots and lots of love to you...and please don't bottle up emotions...it's good to open up. Say whats on your mind....i don't know what you went through...but it seems you are hurt badly...please know it's impossible to be born a human being if we weren't worth it.

Who once was heedless,
but later is not,
brightens the world
like the moon set free from a cloud.

His evil-done deed
is replaced with skillfulness:
he brightens the world
like the moon set free from a cloud.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
I've never thought of it this way. I avoid people a lot, but I never thought I made them feel unimportant. Rather, I think they're better off without getting me involved in their lives because I'm not important to them. So in my mind, it's the other way around.

I used to be best buds with old friends but not anymore. I think they've moved on beyond me. I hear them say things about how happy they are with their new lives, I see them having fun with their new friends on FB, and I think to myself, "they obviously don't need me around."


I understand completely, but to new people they don't know that, to them at first you're just another person, not someone that's not a virus or anything.(not that I think we are "viruses")

I think it's a good thing they are happy but just because the are happy doesn't mean they don't miss you. For all you know they could think of you every now and then..
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
Well um.......I don't know what to tell you other the that maybe you should say hi to them or something. Why are you avoiding them anyways? Something change?

Saying Hi isn't the problem it's what comes afterwards, and then spending time with them, and then having an actual relationship, it's scary for me. I'm not really sure a lot of things changed ,.. I guess mostly me.. ? idk
 
Saying Hi isn't the problem it's what comes afterwards, and then spending time with them, and then having an actual relationship, it's scary for me. I'm not really sure a lot of things changed ,.. I guess mostly me.. ? idk

Well at some point it had to be less of a problem for them to be so close to you. I figure you should try to tell one of them at least what is wrong. If you don't say anything, it's just as bad as saying something crazy and rude. Even if you stutter and make mistakes, at least you'll still have them. Maybe they wish you would speak to them.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
wishing strength to you. You are not alone in this fight. Lots and lots of love to you...and please don't bottle up emotions...it's good to open up. Say whats on your mind....i don't know what you went through...but it seems you are hurt badly...please know it's impossible to be born a human being if we weren't worth it.

Who once was heedless,
but later is not,
brightens the world
like the moon set free from a cloud.

His evil-done deed
is replaced with skillfulness:
he brightens the world
like the moon set free from a cloud.

Thank you, I wish I could open up more and be like the majority of others around me.. do I really come off that way? & thank you for the beautiful poem.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
Well at some point it had to be less of a problem for them to be so close to you. I figure you should try to tell one of them at least what is wrong. If you don't say anything, it's just as bad as saying something crazy and rude. Even if you stutter and make mistakes, at least you'll still have them. Maybe they wish you would speak to them.

The more I think about it I'm confused with myself... I don't really know what the problem is... I guess I have to force myself to be more open to relationships...:idontknow:
 

LeDiskoLove99

Well-known member
I have been there, anyone I haven't been in contact with on a regular basis then I really can't be around them too much. Perhaps try to be around some of them a little more and hope you get a bit more comfortable? I mean the ones you feel least uncomfortable around.

I'm horrible at avoidance myself, anything that causes negative emotions needs to stay AWAY from me haha.
 

polishgirl

Well-known member
Has something happened during the time you were away?

Try and go out there! I know getting involved is scary, but those people like you, they try to come in contact with you - so obviously must be important for them. Let this be your encouragement!
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
I have been there, anyone I haven't been in contact with on a regular basis then I really can't be around them too much. Perhaps try to be around some of them a little more and hope you get a bit more comfortable? I mean the ones you feel least uncomfortable around.

I'm horrible at avoidance myself, anything that causes negative emotions needs to stay AWAY from me haha.

That is exactly how I feel. Lol.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
Has something happened during the time you were away?

Try and go out there! I know getting involved is scary, but those people like you, they try to come in contact with you - so obviously must be important for them. Let this be your encouragement!

Well yeah sure a lot has happened but I don't know if it has anything to do with it. My anxiety has gotten worse for sure. I think I just tell myself that I don't have anything in common with them before I talk to them at all just to avoid them. Lol I will try my best :)
 

Quietguy11

Well-known member
I find myself in this situation all the time. Someone from high school that I once hung around with will see me and approach me asking me how I've been and what I've been up to and all that jazz. I find that is the most awkward part of my life, trying to figure out what to tell them because after all these years I haven't done that much with my life. I don't mean to cut it short but I find that I never really know what to say. It's like, I want to say yes we were once friends, back then, before I had all these issues, now times have changed, I'm no longer the same, nor am I interested in rekindling this friendship. Not to sound like a **** either, but I find that the worst part of my day is whenever I'm in a situation where I have to talk and entertain somebody with details about my life. I would much rather just watch my anime in peace. <.<

I also don't return phone calls. I hate the phone.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
Yeah I feel like me and old friends or other people are in two wildly different places that just shouldn't coexist together. Its also embarrassing, like you said to talk about your life to others. Like what am I going to tell them? I've turned into a social phobic hermit whos life isn't really going any where? Lol. N yeah, the phones not my friend.
 

ForeverTheWeirdKid

Well-known member
I think you do make people feel unimportant. I think one day you'll find someone you feel that's worth your time. We don't really owe anyone anything but respect. As long as you're not disrespectful I don't see the big deal.
 

scott

Member
You should fight to keep friends, especially since they are approaching you. In the coming years or months you don't want to find yourself alone, because it sucks.

Write up a short list of possible topics and responses you can talk about with them.
 

Quietguy11

Well-known member
Yeah I feel like me and old friends or other people are in two wildly different places that just shouldn't coexist together. Its also embarrassing, like you said to talk about your life to others. Like what am I going to tell them? I've turned into a social phobic hermit whos life isn't really going any where? Lol. N yeah, the phones not my friend.

Pretty much in total agreement. How awkward can it get when someone asks you what you've been doing over a periodic time frame of about a decade or more when you've been basically living with your parents the whole time, and if things don't improve that may continue to be the case. Or I could tell them that I play as a Sorceress in D&D? Wonder if that would work?
 

planemo

Well-known member
Yeah I feel like me and old friends or other people are in two wildly different places that just shouldn't coexist together. Its also embarrassing, like you said to talk about your life to others. Like what am I going to tell them? I've turned into a social phobic hermit whos life isn't really going any where? Lol. N yeah, the phones not my friend.

I feel the same, hence I've avoided all contact with past friends. It's not my intention to make them feel unimportant but I'm just too ashamed to show them what I've become. I know a few of them will think I'm ignoring them in a malicious way, but I'm not. It pains me to know that they may take it the wrong way, but in my case i feel i have no other choice.
 
Top