I think I hit a raw nerve...

[SweetCupcake]

Today, my mother again made another comment about my outfit. 'The woman at the shop beside us was looking at the holes in your dress!'. Said woman was in a wheelchair so I doubt she was making fun. Then I just told her, you know what that tshirt makes you look fat. It makes you look like a beached whale. She was shocked and brushed it off ' its supposed to be like that'. Then I said 'you chose to be like that (fat)'. Her reply: at least I'm doing something about it. I told her I was doing something about my SA, she just doesn't notice because she's never satisfied with any progress I make. Hit a raw nerve I think...

 

[BlackPuma]

It's not a bad thing to speak your mind. But be careful with insults like that, they're empowering and can become addictive. That's why bullies do what they do. In this case it was okay, though. You gave her a piece of her own medicine.

Did you feel relieved afterward?

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I always have a really bad guilt-recoil after saying things like that to people, no matter how much they deserve them or how much I needed to say it.

It’s always a lose-lose for me. If I bear the insults, I feel like a wimp, but if I fire-back, I feel like a heel.

How did it make you feel?

 

[Lea]

With my parents (and people like that), no matter how many clever comments I make, I never win because they're not going to change anyway so I think there is no point fighting with them or trying to outwit them..

Your reaction was good btw., although I don't know how necessary is wearing something with holes in .

 

[Kinetik]

It's not smart to react that way, but you seem intent on feeding pain with more pain so I guess the cycle will continue. I don't see much changing unless you look after yourself better and/or stop caring what she and others think because in fact, she's the one who hit the raw nerve with you. If you wore clothes without holes or stopped giving her opinion such an important place in your life, you'd be feeling a lot more liberated. As it stands, it's just you and her taking swipes at one another. One of you has to be the hero here, so why not shrug it off and tell her you don't give a $hit what she thinks? That's always better than responding with a personal remark.

 

[Dronee]

It's not smart to react that way, but you seem intent on feeding pain with more pain so I guess the cycle will continue. I don't see much changing unless you look after yourself better and/or stop caring what she and others think because in fact, she's the one who hit the raw nerve with you. If you wore clothes without holes or stopped giving her opinion such an important place in your life, you'd be feeling a lot more liberated. As it stands, it's just you and her taking swipes at one another. One of you has to be the hero here, so why not shrug it off and tell her you don't give a $hit what she thinks? That's always better than responding with a personal remark.

Good post... though literally telling her that you "don't give a... whatever... what she thinks" isn't really good in my opinion. I just generally try and give noncommittal responses. Or just nod sagely.. basically, just minimal responses. Acknowledge what she said as in show that you heard it, but you're not REALLY responding to it one way or another.

 

[Hellhound]

You did well. If she becomes too annoying, too aggressive, it's ok to talk back or at least tell her off. At the same time, try not to take her too seriously. What you decide to do or wear is non of her business, she should live her own life and not yours. Your mom obviously has some issues herself, I don't think she'll be satisfied with anything, even if you were unrealistically perfect, she would find at least one thing to complain about, anything. I bet she'd also be unsatisfied with her own life, appearence and pretty much everything else.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

She might have just said it because she's you mom which may make her believe she has the right to say whatever she wants. That's where the term "your not my mother" comes from. Not saying it was a contructive one, but just ignore it and not comment the same way back which will probably not make her stop, but make her come up with more powerful unconstructive comments. You could just reply, "just too mature to understand your immature comment." not the best at comebacks but you probably get the point.

 

[punklove]

Good for you for standing up to her

 

[Predacon]

Sometimes I do that. If I get mad I say something insulting and then later I'll feel like I went to far. I did that with my brother a couple months ago and we didn't talk for a week which considering we leave in the same house made things a bit awkward.